


Inconvenient Crossroads- Origins

by Beyondspareoom, HungryCanadian



Series: Inconvenient Crossroads [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Multiple Wardens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-11-22 01:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 62,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beyondspareoom/pseuds/Beyondspareoom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HungryCanadian/pseuds/HungryCanadian
Summary: In a world where the Warden Duncan had time to recruit two wardens instead of one, Thedas ends up in the hands of two elves, both with very different ideas on how to save the world. Cassian Tabris is cunning, ambitious, and worst of all, Orleasian. Amira Surana is kind, noble, and stubbornly self-righteous. Maker help them all.Updates- Monday, Wednesday and Friday





	1. Origins (Amira)

 

Amira had gotten a letter today. She had never received one before, but that was common. _'Outside contact is discouraged. It is an unnecessary distraction from one's studies and self-reflections.'_ Mother Ashbury had said. Amira didn't know what all those words meant exactly, but she knew enough to guess the Chantry didn't like it. The Chantry did not like most things as far as Amira could tell.  
  
Whether the Chantry entirely approved or not was besides the point. The point was that Amira had her letter. She'd been very insistent to the enchanter who had given it to her that she could read it herself. Despite not always being able to understand Mother Ashbury, Amira was clever for her age. First Enchanter Irving told her so himself. She was only eight, but read as well as apprentices who had been in the Circle twice as long as she had. First Enchanter Irving had even said she'd get to begin her proper apprenticeship soon! He'd hinted he was going was going to take her on himself. Amira hoped he did, she liked the First Enchanter. When he smiled at her it reminded her of her mother-- it gave her the same warm, bubbly feeling.  
  
Amira opened her letter carefully, treating it as though it was the most delicate of treasures. She wanted to save the envelope so that she would have somewhere to keep the letter after she'd read it. The letter itself was treated with even more care than the envelope. Amira smoothed it out on the library desk twice before reading it even once. Once she deemed it properly smooth, Amira finally read the letter. She read it twice more before going to the Enchanter watching over the library, desperately hoping she was reading it wrong. She would give anything to not be clever today.  
  
"It is with great regret," the enchanter read quietly, his voice growing soft with sympathy and pity as he went on, "that I inform you that your mother, Harea Surana, passed away yesterday evening. Until the last her thoughts were of you. She loved you more than I can express."  
  
Amira took the letter back with shaking hands, carefully folding it before thanking the Enchanter for his help. He seemed hesitant to let her go, but Amira was determined to escape. She could feel the tight, stinging, grief clawing at her eyes and throat, but she refused to cry where someone could see her. She was going to be a proper apprentice of magic soon, she was practically grown up. Grown ups weren't supposed to cry. Amira barely noticed Jowan trying to get her attention as she scurried out of the library, head tilted forward so that her hair covered her face.  
  
After what felt like an Age, Amira finally found a supply closet. It was small and dark with the door closed, but Amira didn't mind. She wasn't afraid of the dark, but she didn't think she'd notice it now even if she was. The sobs didn't take long to come, terrible choking things that Amira tried to muffle by curling up on herself, and hiding her face in her skirt. She was being stupid. She'd known that she would probably never see her mother again. _She'd known_ . It didn't change anything for her whether her mother was there in the Alienage or not. But in her heart she'd never given up on the hope that they'd see each other again. Someday, somehow, someway, they'd find each other. It had been a silly dream, but it had been _her's_ .  
  
And now her mother was gone, and nothing she did would ever change that. No matter what she did, she would never see her mother again. The thought made her cry harder.  
  
Amira didn't know how long she'd been sitting curled up in the closet before she heard it. The sound of people coming down the hall. She froze, biting her lip hard as she tried to stay as silent as possible. _'Let them pass, let them pass,'_ she prayed in silent desperation. If the thought of letting other people seeing her cry turned her stomach, the thought of being found like this was a thousand times worse. Despite her silent prayers Amira heard the footsteps begin to slow as they approached her hiding place.  
  
Tears still streaming down her face Amira knew she was going to be found. The closet was so small, there was no where she could possibly hide. Even knowing that Amira curled up tighter, as if perhaps she could will herself out of existence if only she made herself small enough. She felt small enough.

Amira could hear them on the other side of the door now, any second they'd open the door and find her. "You don't want to go in there!" She heard cried, muffled by the door. "It's full of spiders. Big, poisonous, spiders." Amira looked around the closet that was very much not filled with big poisonous spiders. It wasn't a big closet, she'd have seen them by now.  
  
Whatever else was said was too quiet for Amira to make out through the door, but soon enough she heard the sound of footsteps moving away. Amira sat there, still as the dead for a long time, straining to hear anything, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but nothing came. The door never opened.  She could barely believe her luck.  
  
Hours later when Amira finally felt ready to leave her hiding place she opened the door, and Jowan fell backwards into the closet. He shot up confused and disoriented, and Amira realized he'd been sleeping with his back to the door. "Hi" he said with a nervous laugh, waving up at her from the floor. It had been Jowan, she suddenly realized, who'd warned off the others with tales of imaginary spiders. She had recognized his voice then, but she was sure now it had been him. Her mind raced. He'd known all along she was in here, and he'd kept anyone from finding her. Even if that meant sitting there for hours guarding the door.  
  
Amira suddenly felt like she would start crying all over again. "Hi." She replied shakily. She didn't have anything left outside this tower. Nothing she did was going to change that now, but she realized that she wasn't alone. Amira would make herself a new family. "Do you still need help with that book?" Amira asked, reaching out a hand to help Jowan sit up.  
  
He took it. "Yeah." He said sheepishly. There was a look on his face like he was still waiting for her to ask what he was doing there.  
  
Amira managed to smile, even if it was wobbly at the edges. "I can help you with that." Things would be okay. She still had a big brother after all.

 

***

“What do you mean they’re going to make you _Tranquil_?” Amira demanded, desperate to believe that she was still suffering from aftereffects of her Harrowing. Disorientation and temporary memory loss were common symptoms suffered by those who’d just been harrowed. Maybe she was experiencing worse effects than normal because of her age. Most mages weren’t harrowed until they were at least twenty, twenty-one years old, but she was only nineteen. It had to be that, didn’t it?

“I saw the papers myself” Lily cut in, sounding distressed “the First Enchanter has already signed off on them.”

Amira’s mind reeled. Iriving had already decided… he’d looked her in the eye, smiling and proud, and all the while he’d already known he was going to take her brother away forever. “That can’t be right” Amira muttered to herself.

“We have a plan to escape, but I need my phylactery or there’s no point. We need your help Mira, please.” Jowan begged.

“I--” Amira faltered. They were asking her to break the most sacredly held rules of the Circle. If they were caught… “I need to think.” Amira took a stuttering breath. “I, just a need a little time to think.”

Jowan opened his mouth, and Amira was sure he was about to plead further, but Lily laid a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. They seemed to communicate without speaking for a moment, and Amira was struck by how well they suited each other. She had never seen Jowan look at anyone the way he was looking at Lily, never seen him so at ease. In any of other circumstances Amira would have been delighted. Now it just made her feel worse. “That is fair.” Lily said softly, looking her in the eye. “But, please, make your choice soon. The longer we wait…”

Swallowing hard, Amira nodded before quickly leaving the Chantry. She needed to talk to Irving.

 

***

She entered Irving’s office slowly, each step feeling weighed down. Irving smiled when he saw her. “Ah there you are. I trust you saw Duncan and his companion back to their quarters?”

“Oh, yes. Yes of course.” Had that really been less than a half hour ago? It felt like another lifetime.

“Good, good. I am glad you met him. He’s a most honorable man.” Amira nodded, and though she agreed, her heart wasn’t in it. Irving grew concerned. “My dear child, what is wrong?”

Of course he could tell she wasn’t herself. “I…” she faltered. She needed to know, but if she asked would it risk everything? There had to be some way, any other way, to stop this than what Jowan wanted to do. “When is Jowan going to go through his Harrowing? He’s been here longer than I have, and…” Would he lie to her? Or would he tell the truth.

“Ah.” Irving said, as if everything was suddenly clear. “You know that is not how we decide such things. He will go when he is ready.”

Not a lie, but the truth either. “Jowan fears you plan to make him Tranquil” she pushed.

“And I suppose the young initiate he dallies about with revealed that to him.” Amira’s eyes widened in shock. “You think I didn’t know?” Seeing as how she hadn’t until five minutes ago, it had been her assumption. “I did not become First Enchanter by keeping my eyes and ears shut.”

With all pretense of the conversation gone Amira looked to him pleading. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t let them-- You’re supposed to protect us.”

“I am.” Irving sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. “Gregoir says he has proof-- an eye witness testimony-- that Jowan has been practicing blood magic.”

“Whoever it is must have it wrong!” Amira argued, tears stinging her eyes. “I know Jowan, he would never--!”

“Amira!” She couldn’t remember Irving ever raising his voice to her before, and it shocked her into silence. But then, she’d never really fought with him before, had she? He sighed again, his tone returning to the gentle one she was used to. “Were it left to me, things might be different. But the Chantry... I cannot risk it Amira. I know you care for the boy, but I’m sorry, child. This Rite of Tranquility will happen.”

After a long moment simply staring at Irving Amira finally spoke. “I will abide the Circle’s will” The words were shaky, and for the first time in her life, she didn’t think she meant them. “Please excuse me.”

“Amira…” She turned to leave, ignoring his attempts to get her to stay. She was already halfway to the door when Irving’s voice did stop her. “It is not such a bad thing.” How could he possibly believe that? “Jowan will come to terms with it.” Lies, he was _lying_ . The Tranquil couldn’t come to terms with anything because they felt _nothing_. Everything was taken from them, more than magic: their dreams, their fears, their love. Was acceptance really acceptance if you couldn’t feel resistance anymore? “As will you.”

Amira closed her eyes tightly, suddenly imagining the rest of her life spanning out before her. Jowan there, but not. Her brother, but not. How did you come to terms with that? Living with the ghost of someone who used to be your family? Despite her inner turmoil, her voice was steady and sure. “This is wrong, and you _know it_.”

Irving sighed “Perhaps one day, you will see things from my side.” He sounded tired, but the thought didn’t move Amira as it usually would. Without another word, she walked away, feeling different.

Amira was in a daze as she left Irving’s office, so much so that she didn’t notice Cullen until she’d practically run into him. “Whoa,” he said softly, steadying her gently. “All right there?”

For a single, insane moment Amira considered telling him the truth. Cullen was her friend after all, but she held back. This didn’t feel like it was entirely hers to share. “I’m fine.” she lied roughly. “Just, Harrowing, you know.”

His expression softened. “Right of course.” At least Harrowing sickness was a convenient excuse. “I… uh, I’m glad-- I’m glad it went smoothly. You did great.” Amira managed a wane smile. She should of been so happy right now. The test she’d spent years preparing for was behind her, the threat of Harrowing no longer hanging over her. Completed in record time. Cullen swallowed hard, and looked away. “Amira, I should probably-- that is I feel like I should tell you… Th-they picked me, as the Templar to strike the killing blow if… if you became an abomination.”

Amira stared. “What?”

“I-It’s nothing personal I swear!” Cullen said quickly. “I didn’t have any say!”

“Would you really have struck me down?” Amira asked without thinking. How could they pick…? There were countless Templars in the tower, and yet they’d picked Cullen? Everyone knew she and Cullen were friends, so why…? Unless that was exactly why they had picked him. To remind them both of their places. Amira had always been happy here, the restrictions weighed on her of course, but she’d been happy. Now she couldn’t help doubting if, at it’s core, there was anything but cruelty in this place.

“I would have felt terrible about it.” That much she could believe. On the days she wasn’t wishing more Templars had Cullen’s heart, she worried that he was too kind for this. Maybe on another day, under different circumstances she'd have been grateful that it would have been him. That if it had to be done, her death would have been an honest act of mercy. She wanted to believe that, but all she could feel was numb. “But… but I serve the Chantry, and the Maker, and I will do as I am commanded.”

Could she? Could she stand back and do her duty to the Circle, even if it made her feel wretched? Even if every fiber of her being said it was wrong?

No. No, she couldn’t.

“Cullen, I have to go.”

He looked concerned “Are you sure everything's all right? I mean are we...”

No everything wasn’t alright, but it would be soon. “I’m fine. We’re fine.” she promised, and gave him what she hoped what was a convincing smile. “I should stop distracting you while you’re on duty though.”

“Oh, you’re not distracting. I mean, you are, but… well you’re not.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, you can talk to me anytime if you want.”

This time she did smile, if only a little. “I know.” she patted him on the arm, even if she knew he wouldn’t feel it through the plate. “Thanks Cullen.”

Amira walked with purpose toward the Chantry, hoping that Lily and Jowan would still be there. They were, and perked up at her approached. “Swear to me the rumour you’re practicing blood magic isn’t true.” She demanded, staring at Jowan hard in the eye.

“Of course it isn’t! I’d never use blood magic. I’ve been sneaking around to meet Lily in secret. Maybe others have seen me, and assumed I was doing something forbidden.” He turned to look at Lily, and they smiled helplessly at each other. “I suppose we are, but…”

She just needed to hear him say it aloud. “Tell me what I need to do.”


	2. Origins (Cassian)

###   

Cassian Tabris was laying in bed staring at the ceiling of his room in the Denerim Alienage. He needed to get up soon. He had work in a few hours, and he had to make good time to get across the city.

Sighing to himself, he flopped out of bed and got dressed. He exited his room and walked down the hall into the living room of the house. The  building he lived in was large for an Alienage residence, his family was technically considered well off, due to a stipend his father had received after his mother's death. That being said, compared to any human home it was still smaller, and in worse condition. Cassian hated it here, but he had a plan.

Cassian entered the dining area and sat at the table, his step mother Nola had already put out a meager breakfast for them. She flitted about the small kitchen grabbing condiments, making a point to not look at Cassian. Their relationship had always been complicated. She loved his father dearly, Cassian knew that, but she had never taken to him. Nola complained that he was too smart, and that his clever mind would bring him and the family trouble. Cassian suspected the reason was much more superficial than that. Cassian’s physical resemblance came from his mother, he’d inherited her skin, hair, and eye colour, as well as her high cheekbones and quick wit. He was a living reminder of Cyrion’s first wife.

It’s hard to compete with a dead woman.

His father came into the room a few moments later followed closely behind by Soris, Cassian’s step cousin and Nola’s nephew. Nola and Soris were related through marriage, and looked nothing alike. Soris skin was a light greyish colour with a shock of red hair and brown eyes. Nola had more classical elven looks, like Cassian. But where Cassian had blue skin and black hair, Nola had yellow skinned with honey coloured hair. Cyrion liked to joke that they were night and day. He wasn’t that far off.

The four of them sat down for breakfast discussing what their days held. The conversation was pretty standard until Cyrion, whom was usually quiet during meals, spoke to Cassian. “Son, I need you to come home right after work, there is a… private matter we must discuss.” He said this softly, his thick Orlesian accent adding a lilt to his words.

Cassian nodded, affirming  that he would be there. Both Cassian and his father were Orleasian. Before his mother had died, all three of them had come to Denerim. That had been about eight years ago. Both Cassian and his father had worked hard to get rid of their accents. In the Alienage they were not often bothered about their nationality. However, outside of the Alienage, humans could be quite hostile towards them. In the privacy of their own home, they relaxed, allowing their accents to become stronger, but outside they spoke like any other Fereldener.

After breakfast had been cleared and put away, Cassian and Soris exited the house and headed for the main city center. They both had jobs at the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Soris was a waiter, Cassian a maid.

It was good work, the owner had hired them almost immediately. Apparently he had heard that elves were hard workers. Cassian resented such a general stereotype, but he kept his head down, worked hard, and got payed. That was all he could ask for. He was saving up to move back home to Halamshiral. Once there he was going to try to enter the Court as a bard. His mother had taught him how to play the Game, and he was skilled with a sword, if he found the right patron he would do well.

His skin was also a advantage there. Here in Ferelden elves with coloured skin were considered ‘too elfy.’ The greyer and lighter the skin, the more respected you were, given that  you looked more like a human and less like an elf. This was due to cross-breeding. Cassian’s father, Soris, and his other cousin Shianni all most likely had human ancestors in their linage. This could cause their descendants to inherit traits that were more common in humans, making them more desirable to elves who wanted better for their children. It’s why Soris was given the job as a server where people could see him, and Cassian was hidden in the back cleaning up shit.

In Orlais things were different. Having colourful skin was coveted. The more vibrant your skin, the more ‘elfy’ your features which made you more desirable to the nobility. It’s how Cassian’s mother, a lowly servant, had been elevated to the status of a Bard. Her blue skin had caught the eye of a noble who then sponsored her training. Cassian took after his mother, so it was not hard to make the leap that he would do well in Olais just as she had. He just had to work the system properly. In a few months, all of his hard work and saving would come to fruition, and he would leave this hellhole and go back to his real home. It was the only thing he had wanted since his mother had died.

After work they headed back to the Alienage, and the whole time Soris kept pestering him about what Cyrion might want to talk to him about. Cassian had no idea. They were in as good financial standing as you could be, given their situation, and he had no current quarrels with their neighbors. Perhaps his father wanted to talk to him about taking on more responsibility in the Alienage community? Attending meets and the like, instead of spending his free time running around the city with his cousins. Cassian just shrugged at Soris’ questions, he’d know soon enough.

Once Cassian arrived home, he found his father, sans Nola in the small living room. This was odd, Nola was usually home first. If she was not home by this hour it was an intentional move, she meant to avoid being apart of whatever conversation his father wished to have with him. Cassian took a seat across from his father at the table.

“Son, how was work?” His father quired.

“It was the same as it has always been, what did you wish to talk to me about?” Cassian asked, cutting right to the chase. 

I have good news.” Cyrion said eagerly. “Nola and I have finally found you a match!” His father beamed with pride at the news.

Cassian stared at him, shocked. “I’m sorry could you repeat that? All I heard was very loud carnival music.”  

Cyrion sighed. “Son, Nola and I have been working very hard over the last few months to find you an appropriate match. It was not easy, but we did, her name is Nesiara. She’s coming all the way here from Highover, her family is well respected there. This will be an incredible opportunity for you.” He finished his sentence eagerly, wanting Cassian to be as excited about this as he was.

“No.” Cassian finally replied  after a few moments. “No, I’m not going to marry some stranger. I’m planning on leaving in a few months to Orlais, how could you do this? Why would you tie me down here? I’m planning to leave, you know this!”

“I understand you are upset Cassian, but Nesiara will be good for you, and word has it she’s quite pretty.”  
  
Cassian stood up angrily. “You think I care about that?! I don’t want to get married. I want to go home, that’s _all_ I’ve wanted.”

“Enough!” Cyrion shouted, banging his hands on the table and standing to tower over Cassian. “You will marry Nesiara, the match has been made, you are bound by duty to go through with this wedding. She will be here in five days, and when she arrives you will marry her immediately.” Cassian opened his mouth to protest. “No arguments, going to Orlias will get you killed, it got your mother killed and I will not lose you to that place. You will stay here and live your life. Am I understood?” He said the last part softly begging Cassian to understand.

Cassian shut his mouth angrily. “Yes.” He spat out. Cassian then turned and walked out of the house not looking back at his father. “I need some air.”

*** 

A few hours later Cassian was sitting on the roof of the local orphanage. He heard a crash behind him and turned to see Shianni clamber onto the roof and make her way over to sit beside him. As far as appearances go, she looked similar to her brother, grey skin, red hair and hazel eyes. She was smarter than Soris, and more practical. Cassian was glad it was she who came to him and not her brother.

“So, I’m guessing the news of your impending marriage didn’t go well?” Cassian snorted at the comment. “Soris just found out he’s getting married with you. He’s distraught, apparently you got the good one.”  
  
“A double wedding, _how_ _marvelous_.” Cassian said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Hey, it may not be that bad, besides, if you had gone back to Orlais you would have  gotten matched to someone eventually.”  
  
Cassian frowned at this. “I was hoping to have some agency in whomever I was matched with, whether male or female.”

“Maker! Cassian Tabris, do I sense a romantic underneath all of that blind ambition?” Shianni asked jokingly.

Cassian smirked the comment. “I wouldn’t be true Orleasian if I didn’t want some epic world changing romance, what would be the point otherwise.” Cassian played up his accent at the comment.

Shianni smiled and bumped his shoulder with hers. “It won’t be so bad living here right? I mean you’ll get to stay with your family, and I’m sure your father can get you a better job as a servant in Bann Rodolf’s estate.” She trailed off at that looking hopefully at Cassian.

“This is never the life I wanted, it’s not the life my mother wanted for me either. Dad is just afraid that I’ll get killed like her, so he’s tying me down as soon as he can so I won’t go.”

“Will you? Go, I mean?” Shianni asked cautiously.

“No, I will do my duty and marry that woman. Just know cousin, once I am married Cassian Tabris will be dead. Someone new will be in my place.”  
  
Shianni chuckled at that, not understanding what Cassian truly meant, and how could she? Shianni had no knowledge of Orlesian masks and the significance of becoming a new person to fit a situation.

“Always so dramatic, how very Orleasian of you.” With that she stood up. “Now come on cousin, we need to pick out fashionable wedding clothes for you. I’m sure the process will take hours.” She said the last part with a smile.

Cassian let out a dramatic groan and stood. Together they left the roof and went to start preparations. Cassian hoped beyond all hope that somehow something would save him from this fate.


	3. Meetings

The other Warden recruit was not what Amira expected. He had arrived with Duncan just after her Harrowing. When she had been introduced to Duncan she was in awe of his presence, he was just like one of the great warriors she had read about in the books at the Circle Library. Duncan’s travel companion, on the other hand, was a bit of a mystery.

Duncan hadn’t gone into details, but apparently something had gone down in the Denerim Alienage, and the elf whom Duncan called Cassian had killed several rapists. Cassian was barely taller than her, and his demeanor was shy, he seemed to dislike being in close proximity to others. She had seen him flinch away almost violently when Cullen had tried to give him some extra bread. Amira guessed that his reaction had something to do with his face. Which she could not see.

This entirety of Cassian's face, including his mouth, was wrapped in one long continuous bandage. The only thing she knew about his appearance was that his eyes were blue. The whole getup gave him an almost disconcerting intensity. Amira assumed that his skin was most likely a grayish colour, for some reason most Alienage elves had skin that was more on the gray side. Her skin was closer to a reddish colour, although she had no idea why, she’d never met another elf with a skin colour quite like hers.

After Jowan had defiled the Circle, Knight-Commander Gregior had been ready to make her Tranquil. Duncan had stepped in at the last minute and had conscripted her. Later that same day she left with Duncan and Cassian to go to Ostagar. She had hoped that Cassian would be more open once away from the Tower, but she had no luck engaging him in conversation. He refused to speak to her or Duncan. She resigned herself to that fact that her new potential friend was mute.

The journey to Ostagar was long, and throughout the journey Amira was unsuccessful in getting Cassian to speak even one word to her. Amira was feeling nervous about meeting the rest of the Wardens. Would they be intimidating like Duncan, or silent like Cassian? It was with this feeling of apprehension that Amira met Ter Loghain and King Calien.

Immediately, Amria was struck by the amount of respect that Duncan held with the King. She was getting the feeling that he was eager to become a great leader that would fight with the Wardens, as he kept nattering on about the battle and the glory they would achieve.

As Duncan, Cassian, and Amira made their way toward where the other Warden recruits would be, she said as much about the King, and Cassian snorted. She looked at him, surprised. That was the first noise she had actually heard him make. She got the impression the perhaps Cassian probably didn't think too highly of the King, or of humans in general.

“Now that you are settled here, I’d like you both to go find Alistair, once he’s here you and the other recruits will be givin your next task.”

Amira nodded eagerly, wanting to make a good impression with her commanding officer. Cassian unsurprisingly was silent. They found Alistair a short while later antagonizing a young mage. As the mage walked away in a huff Alistair turned to look at two elves.

“I just love how the Blight brings people together.” Alistair eyed the two of them for a moment. “We haven’t met have we? I don’t suppose you’re both mages?”

“I am, he’s not.” Amira said taken aback by Alistair's forwardness. The result of this revelation caused quite a bit of word vomit as Alistair tried his best to remove his foot from his mouth. He was about halfway through his heartfelt apology, before Cassian just turned around and walked off, apparently no longer interested in what he had to say. Amira smiled kindly at the strange man, before offering him an olive branch. “Duncan asked us to bring you to the his tent. We have a task to compete.”

Alistair nodded gratefully and together they followed Cassian back to Duncan’s tent. There was a great fire blazing outside of Duncan’s tent. Outside of it where two other men, probably the other recruits.

Amira immediately recognized one of the men from earlier. He propositioned her, though he might have been just joking. He seemed the type for either to be true. He introduced himself as Daveth. The other human called Jory was a bear of a man. Shortly after the introductions were made Duncan arrived and sent them all into the Wilds to find an ancient Warden cache.

Amira was nervous going into the woods. She’d never actually been in a forest like this before. Let alone one that was filled with Darkspawn. Despite the group not knowing each other they quickly fell into an effective fighting rhythm. She and Daveth fighting ranged battles while Alistar and Jory ran into the fray. Cassian was harder to keep track of, he fought closer to the edge, containing any stray Darkspawn that might try to escape or regroup.

“Well shite” Daveth said after they had defeated a rather large group of Hurlocks. “That elf there fights like a rogue.”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Amira asked puzzled.

“No no, it’s just strange, he’s wielding two swords and is clearly a warrior. He just is using some techniques that would be found with a rogue. It’s strange is all.” Amira nodded as the rest of the group joined them.

Once they regrouped they continued on towards the ruins of what was once a great fortress of some kind. As they entered the building they all fanned out. Alistair went directly towards an old chest at the far end of the room, Jory was just behind him, covering his back. Amira and Daveth fanned out once more ready to strike if any Darkspawn snuck up on them. Cassian was at the back of the room. Amira wasn’t sure if he was covering the entrance or avoiding the other men. He still appeared quite skittish around humans.

“Well, well, what have we here? Are you vultures I wonder? Scavengers poking amidst a corpse whose bones were long since cleaned? Or merely an intruder, come into these darkspawn filled Wild's of mine in search of easy prey? What say you, hmm… scavenger or intruder?”

“Stay back.” Jory said his eyes wide with panic, raising his sword to attack if need be.

The woman snorted and walked past the other men apparently unperturbed by the weapons they all carried. She was either very confident or very foolish Amira decided.

“I have watched your progress for sometime now. ‘Where to they go, I wondered, why are they here.' And now you have disturbed ashes that none have touched for so long. Why is that?” The woman asked coming to stand on a small hill that lead down into the swamp.

“Don’t answer her, she looks Chasind, and that means others may be nearby.” Alistair said his voice laden with suspicion.

“You fear barbarians will swoop upon you.” The mystery woman said mockingly.

“She’s a Witch of the Wilds. She’ll turn us into toads!” Davth said alarmed.

“Witch of the Wilds, such idle fantasies, those legends. Have you no minds of your own? What of you, surely you have more sense than your male companions.” The woman said to Amira. Amira said nothing choosing to follow Alistair’s lead, he had been sent to supervise them after all. She gripped her staff tighter and said nothing, unsure how to react to this woman. Behind her she hear Cassian shift slightly. Moving out of the entryway of the building and coming into the view of the woman.

“You there, tell me your name and I shall tell you mine. Let us be civilized.” Amira was about to tell the woman that Cassian was mute, when he surprised them all.

“I am Cassian, it is a pleasure to meet you.” He said walking toward her. Cassian’s voice was rough and gravelly from disuse. That being said it had a gravitas that she was surprised to hear from him. He also seemed to have a hint of an accent. Not so much in how he said his words, but in their rhythm and pace. She couldn’t place it, but judging by the look on Alistair's face, it was not good.  
“Now that is a proper civil greeting, even here in the Wilds. You may call me Morrigan. Shall I guess your propose? You sought something in that chest, something that is here no longer?

“We seek the Grey Warden treaties that were supposed to be in these ruins. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about their location would.” Cassian asked.

“A sensible question, I like you... Twas my mother who took them. If you want the treaties then I suggest you follow me, if it pleases you.”

While the rest of the men argued about what to do about Morrigan, Cassian immediately crashed into the swamp after her, he had absolutely no grace navigating the Wilds. Amira followed closely after him, her concern for her companion causing her to ignore Alistair’s protests.

To say Amira was shocked by Cassian’s complete change of personality and demeanor was the understatement of the Age. He was now polite and confident instead of quiet and skittish. Upon meeting Flemeth, Cassian was also apparently unperturbed by the fact that he was in the presence of a mythical figure. Not that Flemeth seemed to mind, she actually seemed to quite like him.

The walk back to camp had Cassian and Morrigan walking several yards ahead of the group, Amira could not hear what they were talking about, but she guessed that Cassian was peppering her with questions about the Wilds. Occasionally he’d run off the path for a few moments, and then come crashing back into view holding some sort of flora or fauna for Morrigan to identify. Morrigan appeared amused by his antics, most likely Morrigan appreciated having a companion who wasn’t her mother, and didn’t treat her with immediate suspicion.

Once they were close enough to camp that Morrigan wasn’t needed to guide them, the rest of the group forged ahead. Amira did catch Cassian bowing to Morrigan and kissing her hand, before turning to follow them. She could have sworn she saw Morrigan flush slightly at the act, but Amira chalked it up to the light from the setting sun.

Amira was glad that they wouldn't see Morrigan again, Cassian’s clear interest in the witch could only end in disaster. She had seen enough apostates dragged into the tower to know that Morrigan wouldn't be one to come quietly if the Templars found her. Even if she was, such wouldn't be a much better fate as far as Cassian’s interest was concerned. On the upside, he was talking now, and Amira was excited to get to know her new friend. Before she had left the Circle First Enchanter Irving had told her the Warden’s were her family now. Amira hoped that Cassian, Alistair and the others would indeed prove to fill the role of the family she lost.


	4. What's Next (side a)

Cassian sat bolt upright in his bed breathing heavily, looking frantically around the unfamiliar room, unsure of where he was. In his effort to get out of the bed so fast he face planted into the floor, his legs tangled up in the blankets that had been covering him. Pain shot through his face: his ears were still sensitive after the incident in the Alienage a few weeks back. Groaning, he disentangled his legs from their prison. Once he was untangled he continued his wild search around the room. There was a bed, some random plants, what looked to be some clothing, and a window. Also known as his ticket out of here.  
  
He threw open the window and climbed out onto the ledge, and crept along side of the house. Once he got to the edge he was going to shimmy down, and find a new place to hide. This plan was flawless.  
  
“What… are you doing up there?” A voice called up towards Cassian.  
  
Cassian was so thrown off by the sound that he lost his footing a fell a good twenty odd feet to the ground, landing hard. Cassian lay on his back, pain bursting behind his eyes, and stared at the sky, waiting for death to claim him. After a few moments Morrigan moved into his line of sight, eyeing him curiously. Without moving his body Cassian slid his eyes over to meet hers. Once again, his breath caught, and he was blown away by how striking she was.  
  
“Are you injured?” Morrigan moved to crouch beside him, she didn’t sound overly concerned, but Cassian was flattered that she asked in the first place. He shook his head no. “Do you want to tell me what you were doing on the roof of my home?”  
  
“I was trying to make a daring, albeit ill attempted escape.” Cassian admitted.

“And why did you feel the need to escape?” Morrigan asked sighing.  
  
“I woke up in a strange room, and the last thing I remember was being at the Tower of Ishal. I figured I had been captured by Darkspawn, or something of the sort. Naturally, I decided to abandon any hope of saving my acquaintances, and tried to make my own escape.”

Morrigan smirked at him, seeming to find his tale amusing. “My mother saved you and your companions, we’ve been taking care of you since the battle of Ostagar. I promise you, there is nothing in my room that would have harmed you, unless you consumed one of the many poisonous plants that I keep in there.”

Cassian smiled at her joke, the expression hidden under the layers of bandages he had wrapped around his head. “Well then I thank you for your hospitality, and if it’s alright with you, I’m going to lay here for a few more minutes and move past the immense pain I am feeling after my little fall.”  
  
Morrigan nodded and stood, looking towards the house. “Your female companion still sleeps, I will collect your other companion, he has been... trying.” She made no attempt to hide her dislike for the human. Cassian nodded and watched her leave.

  
  
***

A few minutes later Morrigan exited her home, the annoying one right behind her. “What do you mean he fell off of the roof? Did you push him off?”  
  
“No, I mean exactly that, he was on the roof and then he fell off. He’s right over there..” Morrigan trailed off. The elf was no longer laying on the ground by the house. They looked around and finally spotted the elf--Cassian-- she corrected herself, waist deep in the lake outside of her home. Both of them just watched him, not sure exactly what was going on. He was completely still, not moving a single muscle, and he had both of his arms above the water slightly bent at his sides. “What a strange elf.” Morrigan muttered, eyeing him from the shore.  
  
“You have no idea, the first night we were at camp in Ostagar I went to check on him, and he had taken a bunch of spare pieces of armor and placed them in this pile right at the entrance of his tent. I walked right into them, it probably woke up half the camp. He’s clearly not all there.” The man said gesturing to the side of his temple.  
  
Morrigan scoffed at the man's moronic statement. “If the armor was placed at the entrance of the tent then it’s safe to assume that it was some sort of defensive warning.”

“Why would he need that? I’m not going to hurt him.”  
  
“Because he doesn't know that.” Morrigan said moving past the human towards the elf. “Cassian, what are you doing in the lake?” Morrigan called out to him. Cassian did not move a muscle in response. “Oh well, I tried.” Morrigan turned moving to join Flemeth back in the hut.

“What? That’s it? One try and you're giving up?”

Morrigan rolled her eyes at the human (she really needed to learn his name at some point.) “I called, he heard me and he chose not to respond, anything on my end beyond that is a waste of time.” She left the man staring at her, open mouthed and disgruntled, outside.

  
  
***

  
It was roughly four hours later when Cassian came wading out of the lake, with a rather large fish that he had managed to catch with his bare hands. Flemeth and Morrigan were still inside working on healing Amira, but Alistair was waiting on the shore for Cassian.  
  
“Ah, I see you’ve finally decided to return, and with supper for us no less.” Alistair remarked.  
  
“This fish was way easier to catch than the ones back in Denerim. I would stand in the river all day, starving, hoping to catch a fish even half this size.” Alastair shifted slightly, uncomfortable with Cassian's casual discussion of his lack of resources growing up. “The fish is for Morrigan and Flemeth, after they have taken as much as they like, and if there is still some leftover, then we can eat.”  
  
“What!? Maker's breath, why would we do that? It makes no sense, they already have food. Is your head ok? Morrigan said that you fell off of the roof.”

“My head is adequate Commander, thank you for asking.” Cassian noticed that Alistair flinched at the title, interesting.  
  
“I am adhering to a very basic Orleasion tradition of hospitality. If someone takes you into their home and helps you, then you are required to provide a service for them. Traditionally, you bring the other party food. They helped us, now we help them.”  
  
“That’s ridiculous, we are not in Orlais. Besides, they're witches.” Alistair argued back, clearly annoyed.  
  
“And I am Orleasion, as I am sure you can tell by the accent. I will adhere to this tradition. Unless you want to order me not to.” Cassian’s challenged, waiting to see how Alistair would respond.  
  
“Whoa, hey there, I am not going to order you to do anything. You wanna give the witches food then that’s on you.” Alistair backpedaled.  
  
“What do you mean you're not going to order me to do anything? You are the senior Grey Warden, you are my commanding officer.” Cassian pointed out.  
  
Alistair took a step back defensively. “I’m not going to command anyone, that’s not me ok, you and Aimira can figure it out. I’m much more of a follower kind of guy.”

Cassian eyed him, analyzing this new information. “You’re being selfish, you need to lead us.”  
  
“No. I don't.” Alistair said with finality, indicating that the conversation was over.  
  
Cassian said nothing, but continued to watch him. There was probably more to Alistair’s refusal to lead than he let on. Nonetheless, the choice was a horrible one. Cassian had grown up in an Alienage, he had no experience leading people into battle. Amira was even less qualified. She had grown up in a gilded cage, never even stepping outside. Alistair was a trained warrior, and he had been a Grey Warden longer. He knew more about what was happening than anyone else, except for maybe Flemeth. His refusal to lead left a sour taste in Cassian’s mouth.  
  
“Ah, I see you have finally finished with whatever it was you were doing in the lake.” Morrigan said, as she and Flemeth exited the hut. Morrigan’s eyes flicked down to the large fish in Cassian’s hands, a frown spreading across her face. “I was unaware we had fish in that lake.”  
  
Cassian smiled, although nobody saw it, due to his wrappings covering his face. “It is a gift for you and your mother. A thank you for saving us and your hospitality.” He finished with a slight bow presenting them the fish.

“So polite, and Orlieasion.” Cassian deflaited slightly at Flemeth’s comment. “That is not an insult my boy, just an observation. Morrigan, show our guest to the kitchen and help him start preparing the fish. We can add it to the soup you’ve begun.” Morrigan nodded and turned to lead Cassian inside. “You best hurry, your friend should awaken soon, and it would be prudent for dinner to be ready.” Flemeth called after them.

“Yes mother.” Morrigan sighed, leading Cassian into the hut.  
  
Cassian chanced one last look at Alistair before he entered. He decided then and there that this selfish man child was perhaps the biggest threat to the Wardens. Cassian vowed to do whatever he could to get him away from the organization, and it’s people. Even if he had to kill Alistair himself.


	5. What's Next (side b)

Blinking slowly, Amira stared at the thatched roof of a hut, lying on what was most definitely not the floor of the tower of Ishal. Amira was getting tired of waking up dazed and confused, it hadn’t led to anything good so far.

“Ah, your eyes finally open. Mother shall be pleased.”

Amira turned gingerly, sore, though not nearly as sore as she probably should have been. She remembered being shot with quite a few arrows. She was going to have to get better armor than a robe she decided. Robes, while comfortable, did not sufficiently protect from arrows. She imagined they would fare similarly against other weapons. “You’re the woman we met in the Wilds…. Morrigan?” She asked, hoping she was remembering her name right. Amira hadn’t exactly expected they’d be meeting again.

“Indeed.” She seemed a little surprised. “So you do remember something then, good.”

“I remember being overrun by darkspawn. How did I end up…?” Amira sat up suddenly. “What about the others? Alistair and Cassian? The army? The king?” They’d lit the torch, had it been enough?

“Your companions are well. But as for the rest…The man who was to respond to your signal quit the field. The darkspawn won the battle. Those he abandoned were massacred.” She said it matter of factly, as if she wasn’t speaking of the weather rather than the outcome of a battle that was supposed to stem the tide of a Blight. “Your friend. The suspicious, dim witted one” she clarified unflatteringly. Amira had to assume she meant Alistair. Morrigan had seemed to get along with Cassian. “… he is not taking it well.”

“Of course he’s not.” They were talking about the death of… Maker of all the Wardens in Ferelden. Duncan was dead. _The king_ was dead. “Neither am I for that matter.”

Morrigan didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. “Yes, well, your friend is outside by the fire. Mother is as well, she wished to see you when you awoke.”

“Alright.” she said, sitting up to look for her clothes. “I… thank you for the help. I remember being much worse off than this…”

“It was mother who did most of the work. I am no healer.”

Amira shook her head, wondering why she couldn’t seem to just accept a simple thank you. “I’ll go thank her then.” Amira said slowly.

The soreness seemed to fade the more she moved, and for that Amira was relieved. She doubted they’d be able to stay here long. Flemeth was the first to notice her as she made her way outside. Alistair had his back to her, staring at the lake. “See? Here is your fellow Grey Warden. You worry too much, young man.”

If Amira had any doubt that Alistair had been worried it was dismissed the moment he turned to look at her. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been that relieved to see her. “You’re...you’re alive. I thought you were dead for sure.”

“Good to see you’re alright too” she told him sincerely. She hadn’t been sure what to make of Alistair at first, but it was hard not to find him endearing at the moment. He cared, even if they’d only known each other a short while.

The smile he’d worn at the sight of her faded. “Duncan’s dead. The Grey Wardens, even the King… they’re all dead.” It was a rather uncanny echo of her own thoughts.

There was a loud splash from behind them, and the group turned toward the lake as Cassian breached the water fully clothed, his face covered in the usual bandages. In each of his hands were two rather large fish. “I caught two more!” Cassian shouted, clearly excited. He waded out of the water brandishing the fish in the air as they struggled to get free. He threw one at Alistair’s head, barely missing him. “Here, that one's for you since you seemed so eager for fish the other day. This one is for you, our fine hostesses.” He said bowing extravagantly to Morrigan and Flemeth. Morrigan did her best to hide her smirk at his antics while Flemeth chuckled and took the fish. Cassian finally turned to look at Amira. “Ah, I’m glad to see you have finally woken. Now we can move on to the question of ‘what now.’”

Things moved quickly after that, broad decisions made to use the treaties, seek out the Arl of Redcliffe, bring Loghain to justice. They were good plans if a little short on details to accomplish them. Before Amira knew it Morrigan was joining them as well, a decision Amira wasn’t entirely sure of, but Cassian seemed pleased about. They weren’t in any position to turn down allies regardless.

With Morrigan’s help they managed to avoid the bulk of the Darkspawn horde, and make good time through the Wilds. Their luck couldn’t hold forever though, and eventually a hunting party managed to find them. That wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was that their arrival was heralded by a warning from a familiar looking war dog. It wasn’t a particularly large party, not compared to what they’d faced at the tower of Ishal, and their group made quick work of the darkspawn.

When the dust settled the mabari trotted happily to her side, sitting himself down with what Amira could only describe as an air of expectation as he looked at her. “Hello again.” she greeted, remembering what the trainer had told her: smart as your average tax collector. “Glad to see you made it out of the camp, and recovered from that darkspawn blood it seems.” The mabari barked happily by way of reply.

“She realizes she speaks to an animal, yes?” Morrigan commented to Cassian. If she was trying to keep Amira from hearing her she was doing a rather terrible job of it. Amira decided to assume Morrigan meant her to hear it, and ignored her anyway.

“I think he was out there looking for you.” Alistair commented, turning to her after eyeing Morrigan distastefully. Amira wondered if he was considering defending her honor. Unnecessary, but sweet. “He’s.... chosen you. Mabari are like that. They call it imprinting.” The dog barked, as if to confirm Alistair’s claims.

After a bit of discussion that made Amira feel rather like a child trying to convince her parents she was responsible enough for a pet, it was decided the mabari could stay. Amira didn’t bother pointing out that if he’d followed her this far he’d likely keep following them regardless of what the group decided. It didn’t seem necessary. Amira lingered ever so slightly behind as the rest began to move on.

“How about Basil?” she asked the mabari at her side. “For your name I mean.” The dog barked happily, jumping a bit, and Amira laughed delightedly. “Basil it is.” Alistair lingered toward the back of the group, eyeing her curiously and Amira jogged to catch up. Basil followed at her heels. 

*** 

“Well, here it is: Lothering. Pretty as a painting.” Alistair commented as they looked out on the town.

“Ah, so you have finally decided to rejoin us have you? Falling on your blade in grief seemed like too much trouble, I take it?” Morrigan commented with an amused smirk. Amira frowned at the tone. Given recent events it seemed a needlessly cruel thing to say. Cassian snickered.

“Is my being upset so hard to understand? Have you never lost someone important to you?” Alistair asked indignantly. “Just how would you feel if your mother died?”

“Before or after I stopped laughing?”

“Oh I get it, this is the part where we’re shocked to discover you’ve never had a friend your entire life.” Alistair snarked, crossing his arms as he glared at Morrigan.

“Alistair will you do me a favor and shove your head back up you ass again. It looked better there anyway.” Cassian growled out, muffled slightly by his bandages.

“Wha--she started it!” Alistair spluttered, sounding hurt.

“And now I’m finishing it. I’m sure this must be foreign for you, I doubt you’ve been around someone who's finished before you.” Cassian said, his distaste for Alistair clear. Morrigan chuckled at his dig.

“We should go to the Dalish first. With the treaties.” Amira offered in what she knew was a desperate non sequitur. Tensions were high, but maybe if they just got back on track... That her comment drew attention away from Alistair was a not entirely unintentional side benefit. It was silly, but she couldn’t help feeling a bit protective of him. He was clearly still distraught over the deaths of his friends and comrades. Amira at least found it endearing that he cared so much, and she thought he deserved a little gentleness. “They’re nomadic. Most of the clans have likely already realized we’re in a Blight, or at least noticed an increase in Darkspawn activity. If any remain it likely won’t be for long.”

“I agree with Amira, the Dalish will be the hardest to pin down. Unless you have anything to say to that Alistair?”  

“No, whatever you all decide is fine by me..” Alistair said, sounding a little petulant.

“Oh good, the human has given us lowly elves his blessing.” Cassian said sarcasm dripping from behind his bandages. 

Amira was starting to miss when she thought Cassian was mute. So far most of what he’d said had been needlessly mean. “You’re putting words in his mouth.” Amira defended, stepping to stand by Alistair unconsciously. “He’s not said a single thing about our race since we’ve met.” 

“Oh please, like you could even begin to comprehend the situation that he has put us in by shirking his duty to lead." He shook his head in what Amira could only imagine was disgust before turning to Alistair. "You are a disgrace and a coward of a human. Perhaps we can return to Ostagar and find Duncan. When you lower his rotting corpse into the shallow grave you dug for him you’ll be able to let him down one final time.” 

“Enough!” Amira yelled, her magic crackling around her with a feeling like a storm before lightning broke. Amira couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this disgusted by someone. Who said things like that? Who honestly saw someone grieving, and thought those things, nevermind _say them_. “I don’t know what your problem is, but we’ve got enough to deal with without whatever,” she gestured vaguely at all of him “this is.” 

It was hard to tell with all the bandages, but Amira thought Cassian’s eyes narrowed slightly. “....Noted. Just keep that thing away from me.” He said pointing at Alistair. He started walking down the steps towards town. “We need to move.” He called out over his shoulder.

Amira lingered behind with Alistair for a moment watching as Cassian and Morrigan made their way into the village. “Well he’s an ass.” Amira muttered. Whatever hopes she'd had of building some kind of family here were quickly disappearing. She looked up at Alistair, suddenly feeling a bit hesitant. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” he said softly, in a way that had Amira thinking he wasn’t, but she’d let him pretend. He’d taken enough of a verbal beating. He didn’t need well intentioned prodding at the bruises. “Thanks. Nice to know at least one person here doesn’t hate me. Kind surprised it’s the Circle mage, but…” Alistair’s brain seemed to catch up with his mouth, as he suddenly looked sheepish. “I’m going to shut up before I put my foot further in my mouth.”

Amira laughed softly, patting him on the arm. “You’re fine. Come on, I don’t want to unleash those two alone on an unsuspecting village.”


	6. Lay Down your Burdens

Cassian stared at the expanse of forest that stretched out before him. It was just before sunrise and he was deep in thought. He and the rest of the party had spent the better part of the last month in the Brecilian Forest trying to help the Elves. The whole situation had ended up working out better than anyone had hoped. Amira had managed to do the unexpected, brokering peace between the Elves and werewolves, freeing them of their curse.

It was not the way he had wanted the situation to work out. Cassian had been all for choosing a side and wiping out the other group. No need to deal with anymore conflict, you just had one group of people. Simple. Of course Amira had insisted that there was another way. She always did. It was horribly inconvenient. And yet…

Meeting Zathrian was like looking into his own future. Cassian could see how easily he could turn into him. To become all twisted up and angry.To hold a grudge against humans that would last hundreds of years. He didn’t want that. He wanted to be free of his burdens.

The sound of footsteps approaching pulled him from his thoughts. It was not one of the Dalish, he wouldn’t have heard them.

Morrigan sat down beside him without a word. She’d allowed him to hear her approach. She normally moved like the Elves, silent. She said that she’d had time to practice in the swamp. She’d also told him that she would teach him how to move like her, if he so desired to learn.

Morrigan didn’t speak, she just stared straight ahead, perhaps enjoying the same view he was. The majesty of the forest.

Cassian wanted to talk to her, but he was afraid. He was so terrified of what she would think of him. He desperately wanted her to like him. Just as he had the moment he had seen her in the Kocari Wilds, he’d liked her right away. No that was wrong, he’d loved her, one look and his whole world had realigned to fit this woman into it’s center.

He wasn’t stupid. He was under no illusions as to what she most likely thought of him. An inexperienced child of barely 18 stumbling through a world he did not yet fully understand. He didn't fit into her world of magic and mystery. Most likely she thought of him as an annoyance. She would not want one such as he when there were others in the group. Better options.

Sten was a seasoned warrior, strong and passionate. Alistair had more going for him them Cassian. He was _tall_. Would they not make a better companion for her then he? Cassian was the youngest in the group, scrawny and smaller than the rest of the men. And his face-

He didn’t even want to finish that thought. The anger bubbling up inside, threatening to spill over. Cassian continued to contemplate his options. Stay silent and let his thoughts destroy him, or speak and risk Morrigan for seeing him as the child he was.  

“I used to think duty was important.” Oh, well this was going to be a pile of whoopsie fuckbucket. Apparently his mouth had made the choice to speak for him. “I took one look at my fiance on my wedding day and knew I would never love her.” At that statement Morrigan whipped her head around to look at him, clearly surprised. “My father had spent months trying to find me a proper match, someone of good standing. I figured I would do my duty, marry her, fuck her, have a kid and do the whole thing over again with them. It’s not what I ever wanted, it’s not what my mother wanted for me, but it's what was expected of me, and I was going to do it.’

‘I remember walking towards the altar, praying to every god I didn’t believe in to get me out of that marriage. Fate is strange in giving you what you want… a group of human nobles showed up just as we were exchanging vows. They wanted in on the celebration, if you know what I mean. I did what I was expected to do. I defended my fiance's honor, as duty compelled me to.’

‘I remember how they laughed and jeered at me. One of them punched me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. I remember falling to the ground as the other elves ran and hid from the nobles.’

‘I remember how they beat me to a pulp, they hit me so hard I could barely see. One of them pulled out a knife, joking and calling me a Flat Ear.’

‘I remember the first cut into my left ear, I have never experienced something so painful in my life. I begged them to stop, but they just held me down and laughed harder.’

‘I don’t remember them cutting into my right ear. I passed out before they finished the first ear. I woke up and it was gone.”

Cassian chanced a glance a Morrigan, her face was one of empathy and sadness, a single tear had escaped and was falling down the side of her face. Cassian wanted to catch it before it fell. He had never meant to make her cry. He kept his hands to himself.

“After I woke up it was decided that me and my cousin must go save the women. It was our brides that were taken after all. Duty to them demanded that we protect our women.” He grimaced at that. “I fought my way though a small castle to save a women I didn’t even like. I faced the men who tortured me and killed them all in the name of duty. I was conscripted to the Grey Wardens hours later to protect me from punishment for doing my duty.’

‘Now duty demands I save the world. But I am so angry at the world for what it’s done to me. I keep my face hidden under these bandages, so I have an escape route. No one knows my face. Not Amira, not you, not even me. I could leave in the middle of the night. Just disappear and run away from this Blight. Duty be damned.”

Cassian was done talking, he had said all he had wanted. He waited for Morrigan to speak. Or leave. Perhaps she would be put off by his childish antics. He wouldn’t blame her.

“Fuck duty.” Cassian turned his head in surprise to look at Morrigan. He had not expected such crude language from her.

“Duty is something noble men talk about to make themselves feel better for not having the personal agency to admit what they want. They hide behind it like a shield, or wield it like a sword. You are not a noble man Cassian, you are smart, logical and clever. Do not bind yourself to something that is as trivial as duty. You have a goal, do what you must to achieve it. You want to save the world from the Blight? Don’t do it because duty compels you to. Do it because you want to live in this world, and take everything it has to offer from it.”

Cassian sat quietly beside her. Contemplating what Morrigan had just said. She was right, of course. Honour was not something that was in his nature, as duty was not. Morrigan turned to look at him.

“You are not angry because of what the humans did to you, nor are you upset because of this misplaced sense of duty you felt.”

“Why then, am I so angry Morrigan?” Cassian asked quietly.

“You’re angry because no one tried to save you. No one came to protect you as you came to protect them.” Morrigan stood at this, she made to leave, but before she did she turned back to look at him. She seemed to be trying to decide something. Finally she spoke. “Fear not Cassian, I will protect you from now on.” She bent down quickly and kissed his cheek, and then disappeared into the forest without a sound.

Cassian stared at the forest once more. The anger finally leaving him. Being replaced with hope. He would save this world, if only so that he could live in it with Morrigan.

As the sun rose over the Brecilian Forest, Cassian reached up, and started to unwrap his bandages. It was a new day.

***

After Cassian finished unwrapping his bandages he found a stream and washed his face, wiping off all of the sweat and grime that occurred after wearing the wraps for an extended period of time. Usually he immediately re-wrapped his face. This time was different. He felt out the length of his hair and realized it had grown quite a bit. He winced as a breeze blew over him, apparently his ears were still sensitive. He began the process of grooming himself into something passably presentable. Appearances were everything, or at least they were for Orleasions…

After Cassian deemed himself acceptable he headed back to camp. The sun had risen and it was now about mid morning. They needed to get moving if they were going to make good time to get to Redcliff. Cassian started to break down his tent and pack up his bags.

“Hey! What the heck are you doing? Thief! You can’t just go around... thieving..” Alistair finished lamely.

Cassian turned to look at him completely unimpressed, giving him a blank stare.

“Are you lost or something? You must be with the Dalish, the camp is farther East from here. I suggest you leave.” At that, Alistair’s grip on the sword strapped to his side tightened.

Cassian hadn’t been this offended since he was blamed for the graffiti written on an Alienage wall that said ‘Denerium sux.’ Because first of all _Ferelden_ sucked, and second he could actually spell Denerim.

In this case Alistair could not have been more wrong. The Dalish camp was Northeast from here, all of the Dalish they had met had skin that was more green and brown toned. He was blue skinned. Finally the fact that Alistair thought that a Dalish elf could get lost in the woods, or get caught stealing was laughable.

Cassian rose ready to give Alistair a solid kick to the pants when Sten approached.

“Cassian, good to see you have returned, once the women are back from the lake we will leave.”

“C-ca-CassiAN?”Alistair sputtered out. “I I didn’t recognize you without the- uh, bandages.”

“And yet Sten had no problem doing so.” Cassian replied flatly.

***

Morrigan trailed slightly behind Amira and Leliana, she had no interest in joining them in conversation. Leliana had been talking in great detail about the Orlesian Court for the last twenty minutes. If she didn’t stop talking soon Morrigan was going to feed her to a Sylvan. Or perhaps she could figure out how to reverse engineer the curse and turn Leliana into a werewolf. She smiled at the thought, Leliana would be aghast that none of her shoes would fit properly anymore.

The three of them reached the edge of camp, Alistair, Morrigan noticed seemed to be floundering in conversation with an unfamiliar visitor.

“Oh we have a guest, how wonderful.” Leliana said as they approached. As they got closer the figure, a male elf became much clearer. “And so handsome.” Leliana added with obvious interest.

Morrigan would have scoffed, but Leliana was right. The elf had beautiful blue skin with a slight greyish tint. His hair was a mop of dark curls on his head framing sharp cheekbones and a strong jaw. His eyes where a blackish blue, giving him an almost alien look. He was thin and rather short, but he made up for it with an air of confidence that one couldn’t help but to be drawn to. The only flaw she could see where that his ears were rather short.

Wait no, as they drew closer she could see that they had been cut. The fresh and still healing scar tissue visible even from a slight distance. Then it hit Morrigan like a ton of bricks. For the first time since she had met him, she was looking at Cassian’s face. And it was... Breathtaking, handsome didn’t begin to cover his appearance.

She then remembered that is was Leliana that had said Cassian was handsome to begin with, and her vision went red for a moment, taken over with an all encompassing thought of _‘mine.’_ Morrigan didn’t like that thought, but she found she hated the idea of sharing Cassian with another even more.

Finally the three of them were within earshot of Alistair who was trying to apologize for something he said, most likely he had confused Cassian for a thief or Dalish elf, the fool. Cassian seemed to trying his best to ignore him in favor of packing up the remainder of his possessions.

“Alistar how far did you put your foot into your mouth today? It’s not even lunch. Cassian, ‘tis good to see you.” Morrigan said casually.

“Hey it’s not my fault!” Alistair wined. “He looks totally different. His face was literally covered. How did you or Sten even recognize him? Aimira, Leliana help me out here.”

As Amira and Leliana tried to sooth Alistair's bruised ego Morrigan looked to Cassian. He had just finished packing up. He turned to look at her and gave her a shy but happy smile. Morrigan’s heart started pounding and she felt slightly flushed. Shit, was she swooning? Mortified she moved briskly past Cassian leaving the rest of the group to go pack up her tent.

This was going to be a long journey.


	7. Ghost Stories

Amira sighed as they finished cutting down the latest round of undead Redcliffe had to offer. She didn't think she'd ever find something to fight that was more distasteful than darkspawn, but this was coming close. With any luck once they reached the heart of the castle they'd be able to end this once and for all. Amira opened her mouth to ask Alistair if he recognized where the secret passage had led them when a voice farther down the hall cut off her attempt. 

“Hello?” Amira froze, no, no it couldn’t be… “Is someone out there? Who is it?”

“Jowan?” Amira whispered, hardly able to believe her own eyes as she moved toward the cell. It was like seeing a ghost.

Jowan seemed to agree. “Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed, stumbling backwards. After a moment of staring at her he moved back, pressing himself against the bars as his eyes ran over her face again and again, as if looking for changes or to make sure she was real. He didn’t look well, Amira realized with a sinking feeling. “Maker how did you get here? I never thought I’d see you again…”

Of course he hadn’t Amira thought, barely managing to hold back a flinch. The punishment for a harrowed mage who’d aided a maleficarum would be death or Aenor. Neither were known for letting people return. She stared at him stone faced. “So you’re the mage Lady Isolde mentioned.” she said, wanting him to deny it, wanting to be wrong. Amira could feel the other's stares burning into her back, but she ignored them for now. 

Jowan looked away guiltily and Amira felt her heart sink. “You’ve spoken with her. Then-- you know I… poisoned Arl Eamon.” It seemed hard for him to get the words out, like it hurt. Amira wished that made her feel better, but it only made it worse. It still hurt to see him suffering, after everything he’d done. She cursed her heart. “For all I know he’s already dead.”

“He’s not dead-- at least not yet.” She said without thinking.

The confirmation had Jowan perking up just a little. “He’s not? That’s a relief, I can’t tell you how much.” That didn’t sound like something an assassin should say. Maker how had he gotten caught up in all this? Jowan must have caught the confused furrow of her brow or some other tell, because he looked to her imploringly. “Please, I know how it seems. Poisoning the Arl was… a terrible thing. But I’m not behind everything else happening here, I swear!”  Amira wanted to believe that, but Jowan’s word wasn’t worth much, and she refused to fall for another lie. He must of seen it on her face, that she wasn’t convinced. He always could read her better than anyone else. He kept trying. “I...I know it looks suspicious, but I’m not responsible for the creatures and the killings in the castle. I was already imprisoned when all that began. At first Lady Isolde came here with her men demanding that I reverse what I’d done. I thought she meant my poisoning the Arl. That’s the first I heard about the walking corpses. She thought I’d summoned a demon to torment her family and destroy Redcliffe.” 

He kept his eyes on her’s through his whole explanation, as if somehow that would convince her he was being honest with her. Now he looked away. “She… had me tortured.” Amira had to grip her forearms with white knuckles to keep from reaching out to him. No matter how she tried to remind herself of what he’d done, or the crimes he’d committed all her heart could see was her brother alone and suffering and needing her. “There was nothing I could do or say that would appease her. So they… left me here to rot.”

“Why did the Arlessa hire you to tutor her son?” Amira asked, trying to stay on point, trying to stay focused. 

“Connor had started to show...signs. Lady Isolde was terrified the Circle of Magi would take him away for training. Lady Isolde was looking for a mage to tutor Connor, secretly. Just enough to hide what he was.” 

Amira heard Alistair muttering in disbelief behind her, but she ignored him for the moment. “How much magic  _ did  _ you teach Conor?” It was getting harder and harder to stay focused, but she had to,  _ she had to.  _ Amira was a Grey Warden now. She had greater responsibilities than an old friend’s mistakes.

“Some. But he’s still very young. He can barely cast a minor spell-- nevermind something more powerful. At least, not intentionally.” They shared a look. It wouldn’t be the first time… “I have thought about it.” he confirmed. 

“What? Amira what is he talking about?” Alistair asked sounding concerned.

“It’s possible Connor could have… inadvertently done something to tear open the Veil.” She explained slowly, still keeping her eyes on Jowan, though she glanced back at the rest of the group. “With the Veil to the Fade torn, spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle. Powerful ones could kill and create the walking corpses. But that doesn’t explain why you would poison the Arl.”

“I was hired to. Teryn Loghain found out Lady Isolde was seeking an apostate, and he… sent me. I was to use the opportunity to poison the Arl.”

“And you just went along with it?” Amira couldn’t help snapping.

“I was told that Arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden!” Jowan defended desperately. His shoulders hunched in slightly as he continued more softly. “I was promised… if I dealt with him, Loghain would settle matters with the Circle. Once I had left I realized all I wanted was to be able to return.” Jowan blinked back tears, and let go of the bars he had been clutching so that he could pace back and forth in his cell. “But he abandoned me here, didn’t he? Everything’s fallen apart. I never thought it would end like this! Maker, I’ve made so many mistakes. I disappointed so many people… I wish I could go back and fix it. I just want to make everything right again!”

“And you thought the Circle would just let you? You used blood magic on Templars!”

“I know, I know!” He cried out, clutching his head. “I’m just sick of running away and hiding from what I’ve done. I’m going to try to fix it, any way I can. We were friends once. I know I don’t deserve to call you that after what I did… if it ever meant anything, please… help me fix this.”

Suddenly Amira was just as angry as she was sad. _ ‘If it ever meant anything.’  _ How dare he, how  _ dare he _ ? “I helped you once in the name of friendship” she reminded him with a cold, quiet fury.

Jowan swallowed hard, looking away. “And I betrayed you. I’m sorry, I’m so--”

“You left me to die!” she yelled, cutting him off, fighting back tears. Jowan flinched. “You don’t get to just say you’re _ sorry _ . What did you think was going to happen to me Jowan?  _ I helped a blood mage _ . I’m harrowed. They can’t make me Tranquil.” 

“Mira I…” he whispered sounding so terribly broken

“I risked everything to save you.” She continued as if he hadn’t even said anything. She needed to say this. She need him to hear this. “Because you were my brother, because-because I believed you when you told me they had it wrong. And you lied to me. You looked me in the eye and you  _ lied _ .” Amira swallowed hard, and angrily rubbed at the few tears that had escaped. Maker she didn’t want to cry, she hated crying in front of anyone, but the idea of doing it here was a thousand times worse. “I want to believe you didn’t have anything to do with this, but how can I Jowan? After everything you’ve done?”

“I…I know, I just-- I want a chance to do one thing right in my life.” He pleaded.

“I say this boy could still be of use to us. But if not, then let him go. Why keep him prisoner here?” Morrigan offered firmly. Amira whipped around to stare at her in utter disbelief.

“Hey, hey! Let’s not forget he’s a blood mage!” Alistair argued. “You can’t just... set a blood mage free!”

“Better to slay him? Better to punish him for his choices? Is this Alistair who speaks or the Templar?” Amira was torn between argueing with Morrigan and the sudden, terrible sickness at the thought of Jowan dying. No matter how much he had hurt her she didn’t want Jowan dead, she couldn’t. Thirteen years of friendship couldn’t just disappear in an instant.

“I’d say it’s common sense, we don’t even know the whole story yet.” Alistair’s eyes darted to her in that moment. She’d never outright told the group why Duncan had needed to conscript her from the Circle. Amira had danced around it, waiting for the right moment to tell them properly. Waiting for the wound to be a little less fresh. She wished now she’d told them sooner, at least then it would have been on her terms. Amira wondered what Alistair was thinking of her now.

“I say we free him.” Said Cassian confidently, stepping from the back of the group to stand beside Morrigan, his hands clasped behind him back in an oddly proper movement. “He owes Amira a debt.”

“I do not need you to vouch for me to make my point heard.” Morrigan snapped her face clouding over in anger as she turned to Cassian. 

“I am not vouching for you to win favor Morrigan, my agreement has nothing to do with you. The mage could be useful, that is all.” Cassian said each word carefully, not making eye contact with anyone but staring at nothing in particular. Amira looked back and forth between Morrigan and Cassian in confusion. She had noticed some tension between them earlier, but this went beyond tension. Morrigan and Cassian had been an united front from practically the moment they’d met. To see them arguing, even if they were still agreeing, especially because they were still agreeing, was very odd. Whatever was going on between them though, Amira found it a little difficult to care at the moment. They’d clear things up themselves or the group would deal with it later. Now wasn’t the time. 

“We can’t just let him go.” Amira managed to say, despite how badly a part of her wanted to just give in. She hoped Cassian couldn’t hear the indecision in her voice. What they were offering was more tempting than any deal a demon had ever made to her. But she had to be strong, the last time she’d just let Jowan go he’d ended up poisoning an Arl. 

“Then let me come with you.” Jowan pleaded, pressing himself against the bars. 

“I propose a compromise.” Cassian offered evenly. “Jowan what’s your face of the horrible go-te, I hereby conscript you into the Warden’s as an advisor of this clusterfuck of a mess you caused.” Morrigan glared at Cassian, but said nothing. 

Amira bit her lip, that, almost sort of worked didn’t it? The Rite of Conscription meant they could take anything or anyone they needed. If Jowan was behind this he’d know better than anyone how to fix it. Assuming he was being honest in his repentance, and if he wasn’t, maybe it would be best to keep him close. Alistair looked ready to protest the arrangement, but Amira grabbed his arm and shook her head. He gave her a look, as if to ask her if she was seriously considering this. 

Whatever he saw on her face must have been answer enough, because he backed down with just a muttered “Well, he’s your friend.” Amira managed to give him a wobbly smile, more relieved than she could say that Alistair still seemed to trust her even though he’d found out she’d helped a blood mage. The thought of losing Alistair’s good opinion hurt her more than it probably should. She would tell him the whole story later, she promised herself. He deserved that honestly, especially after what he’d revealed to them about his heritage.

“Okay.” Amira said after a steadying breath. She turned back to Jowan, pointing a finger at him. “You come with us, you help. But I swear Jowan if you step one foot out of line.” The air grew colder around Amira as her magic made the threat clear.

“I won’t, I promise!” He said, desperately eager. “I just want to help, Mira, I mean it.” Maker she hoped she wasn’t making the same mistake twice.

“So do any of you know how to pick locks?” Amira asked the group. At the general negative murmur, Amira sighed. “Alistair gimme your shield a second.” He complied, even as he looked confused about doing so. Amira nodded her thanks, and turned to the lock. She froze it with a gesture, and then without warning or waiting, slammed the edge of the shield down on it. As the lock clattered to the ground and Jowan stared at her wide eyed. Amira decided she could get used magically augmented strength. And the therapeutic effects of hitting things. “Let’s go.” she said, pushing Alistair’s shield back into his hands. She ignored the wide eyed look he was giving her.

 

***

 

“So the Grey Wardens?” Jowan asked hesitantly as they made their way through the Castle.

Amira shot him a sidelong glance, debating whether or not to ignore Jowan entirely. She still didn't know how to feel about seeing him again. Her feelings toward him were too knotted up and conflicted to let her feel like she had any perspective where he was concerned. Still, it was an innocuous enough question. “Yes. You remember the Warden who was visiting? Duncan? He recruited me after you'd run off.”

Jowan flinched subtly at the reminder of what he'd done. “I'm surprised Gregoir let you go.” He muttered.

“He didn't have a choice.” Amira said with a ruefully twist to her lips. She could tell Alistair was listening in, he wasn't being very subtle about it but she didn't mind. She was still planning to tell him the whole story later anyway. “Duncan invoked the Rite of Conscription, they had to let me go. He saved my life.” Amira felt another stab of regret that Duncan was gone. She'd not known him long but he'd seemed a good man. Firm, and serious, but kind where he could be. She'd have liked to know him better.

“Oh.” Jowan said, shifting uncomfortably at yet another reminder of what fate he had nearly left Amira too. “What about…” he swallowed “What happened to Lily?” he asked in a small voice that almost made Amira pity him. She wished she had better an answer for him.

“The Chantry took her.” Amira said after after a long moment. “I don’t know… it was probably Aenor.” she admitted sadly. Lily had been just as blindsided in this as she was, worse even. Lily had been ready to give up everything for Jowan, and she hadn’t been given a convenient last minute escape. She’d deserved better.

“Oh.” he muttered again, seeming to crumble in on himself. He sounded so broken. Amira reached out without thinking to lay a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” she said sincerely. She remembered herself a moment later, and pulled her hand away, hugging her arms to herself to resist reaching out again. She had to be stronger than this. After everything Jowan had done she couldn’t just forget and let herself fall into old patterns. The truth was she didn’t know him nearly as well as she thought she had. If she did they wouldn’t be in this situation. Amira looked away.

 

***

 

“The answer seems simple to me, we kill the child.” Cassian said this so simply one would think he had been talking about the weather.

Amira spun to face him, utterly horrified. “You can’t be serious. We can’t just kill him!”

“He’s an abomination.” Jowan reminded her regretfully. They both knew far too well what happened to abominations no matter what their age. Every Circle mage did.

“You!” Lady Isolde shrieked before Amira could say anything. “You did this to Conor!” She looked ready to murder Jowan with her bare hands, Teagan put a hand on her shoulder, holding her back.

“I didn’t!” Jowan insisted, stepping backwards, his hands up as if trying to calm her. “I didn’t summon any demon, I told you! Please,” he seemed to gather himself, pushing down his fear to step forward “If you’ll let me help--”   


“Help! You betrayed me! I brought you here to help my son and in return you poisoned my husband!”

“We are losing focus.” Cassian said stepping in. “The child is an abomination, he needs to be put down before things get worse. Conor died the moment he made that deal. This is the most humane thing we can do for him and his memory.”

“He is not always the demon you saw!” Isolde argued desperately. “Conor is still inside him, and sometimes her breaks through. Please, I just want to protect him.”

“Isn’t that what started this?” Teagan pointed out sounding frustrated. 

“Even if he is in there what you are asking is beyond selfish, he would have to live with the knowledge that he killed people. That he has done horrible, unspeakable things. That his body and magic were used without his consent. He will wake up to a nightmare that he will have to bare for the rest of his life. But no it’s ok because mommy gets her way despite what may be best for him no matter how hard.” Cassian was staring hard at Isolde once he was done.

“And death is better?” Amira asked angrily. “Maybe he won’t be able to handle the things that were done to him, but you can’t know that. He deserves the chance to _try_.”

“Tell me Amira, if it was you that killed and tortured everyone in your home. Forced people to do unspeakable acts of violence, would you still wish to live with that?”

Amira looked away for a moment before steeling herself. Standing up straighter she turned to look Cassian in the eye. “I know I betrayed the trust of a man I considered my father. Betrayed everything I grew up with. I helped a blood mage even if I didn’t know it then.” She looked at Jowan. He looked away ashamed. “I had the option to die. I chose to do something to make amends instead.”

“Betrayal is not murder, and unlike death it is not final. It is something that shapes you, not defines you. This will define Conor.” 

“Except my mistake let Jowan come here. I’m responsible for this too: I have to live with that.”

“Yes and I will not allow you to repeat it for the sake of you shitty morals, and self righteous ego. This is the safer, more merciful option. Give me something better and I will consider it, but I will not allow this child to live possed while we leave to go beg another group of people to come back here and help. We put at risk the remainder of Redcliff and it’s army. Which I remind you: we need.” Cassian said, becoming frustrated with Amira as she dug her heels in and refused to give ground.

“There is another way.” Jowan offered hesitantly. “Usually you need lyrium, and-and several mages, but I have… blood magic. Lyrium provides power for the ritual but I can take that power from someone’s life energy.” He hesitated to continue. Amira had a terrible feeling she knew why. “This ritual requires a lot of it, however….All of it, in fact.”

“So, someone must die? Someone must be sacrificed?”

“Great, use Amira, she’s so desperate to make up for her mistakes, and save this child, let her be the sacrifice. Problem solved.” Cassian commented with an almost sadistic glee.

“Now hold on!” Alistair exclaimed, “We are not sacrificing Amira in a blood ritual!”

“Is there no other option?” Amira asked Jowan, ignoring the both of them. She was sure she already knew the answer, but… Maker she wanted to be wrong.

“The power has to come from somewhere.” Jowan said helplessly. “And that means either lyrium... or blood.”

“Well Amira, moment of truth, do you truly believe that this child is worth saving? Even at the cost of you, a Grey Warden, one of three people who can end this Blight? If so then go ahead.” Cassian circled her as he said this. The challenge clear.

Before Amira could answer Lady Isolde spoke. “Let it be my blood. I will be the sacrifice.”

Cassian stared at Isolde for a moment. “Guess today is your lucky day Amira, you won’t have to face your truths yet.” Turning to Isolde. “Fine, it’s only fair that the mother should pay the price for her reticence.” 

“We’ll still need a mage to go into the fade, to face the demon.” Jowan pointed out reluctantly. “I can’t do it because I’m casting the ritual.”

“I’ll go.” Amira said before Cassian could make another snide comment.

“Amira--” Alistair objected, but Amira just shook her head.

“It’s okay. I’ve done it before.” She turned to Jowan, a sad half smile on her face. “I never got to tell you did I? That’s what the Harrowing is. They send you into the Fade to face a demon.”

“Have you all gone mad!” Teagan exclaimed in horror. “Eamon would never allow this!”

“Eamon sleeps, tis time for the children to play.” Morrigan interjected darkly speaking for the first time since the dungeon.

Isolde turned to him, sad but resolved. “Either someone kills my son to destroy that thing inside him, or I give my life so my son can live. To me, the answer is clear.”

“Let's get this over with, also Jowan once this is over you’re fired from the Warden’s on the grounds being way too susceptible to peer pressure. You will be returned to the Circle once Eamon is awake.”

Amira bit down whatever protest she wanted to make. As much as she wanted to save Jowan she knew she didn’t have perspective where he was concerned. She’d proven that already. They would fix this, as much as they could, and then...and then hopefully she’d be allowed a chance to say goodbye. It was more than she’d gotten with her mother at least.

 

***

 

Amira laid in bed staring at the ceiling of her room. She tried to enjoy being in a bed again after so many months spent camping, but her mind wasn’t so easily distracted from the events of the day. Things had started so promisingly after they’d managed to defend Redcliffe from the undead horde. Now she just felt useless. Amira’s self recriminations were interrupted by a knock at the door.  Sitting up Amira stared at the wood for a moment. Who would come to her quarters now? It was late and they’d all had a long enough day. When whoever it was on the other side knocked again Amira actually got up to open the door. 

“Alistair?” She asked in surprise, staring up at him. He looked agitated, but prepared for bed, not battle. He was wearing one of the tunics he worse under his armor and loose pants. It was the kind of thing he wore in camp when they felt safe enough to sleep in something that wasn’t armor.

“Can I-- We need to talk about today.” He said, and Amira stepped aside to let him come into her room. 

“Okay.” she said slowly as Alistair began to pace the length of her room.

“You let Lady Isolde sacrifice herself! With blood magic! How could you do that?” Alistair burst out, as if he’d just barely been holding back from saying it till now. “If you hadn’t agreed to go into the Fade… And you went in alone! You could have died in there too, and it all would have been for nothing!”

“What would you have had me do?” Amira shot back defensively. “Should we have let a little boy die for getting tricked by a demon? For wanting to save his father?”

“We could have gone to the Circle of Magi, we could have-- we could have tried harder!” Alistair yelled, running a hand through his hair.

“You think I wouldn’t have preferred to go to the Circle? Of course I would have! But Cassian was never going to budge.” Amira sounded as utterly exhausted as she felt. It wasn’t easy, going into the fade, but more than that the choices they’d been forced to make weighed on her. A woman was dead and she’d helped to kill her, even if only indirectly. “If we’d even tried to go for help Cassian would have just killed him before we got back.” It was the truth, but it didn’t make her feel any better. Alistair was right.

“We should have tried something that didn’t involve blood magic” he insisted, but Amira could tell he was wilting.

“What else did we have but that?” Amira asked hopelessly, sitting down on her bed, one leg dangling off the side. “You know as well as I do there aren’t solutions for possession.”

Alistair sat on the floor, his back against the side of the bed by Amira’s leg. He looked angry and defeated. Amira felt similar. “I owe the Arl more than this.”

“A decision had to be made.” Amira reminded him quietly. “His son or his wife...maybe it’s better he wasn’t the one who had to make the choice.”

“I still don’t like it.”

“That makes two of us.”

They sat in unhappy silence for a long while, before finally Alistair asked quietly. “What happened at the Circle?” Amira closed her eyes, trying to gather herself as she thought of how best to explain this. Apparently she was silent long enough for Alistair to second guess himself. “You don’t have to--”

“No.” Amira cut it. “It’s okay. I was already planning to tell you anyway.” 

“Oh.”

“It was just after my Harrowing. Jowan told me there was something he needed to talk to me about. We went to the Chantry and he introduced me to one of the initiates, Lily. It turns out they’d been sneaking around together.” Amira almost smiled remembering that part. They’d looked happy together, even if it was just for a little while. “Lily had found out they were going to make Jowan tranquil. The First Enchanter had signed off on it and everything. I could hardly believe it.”

Amira looked up at the ceiling as she felt tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “They said they had a plan to save him, to get away, but they needed my help. I hesitated. I asked for time to think.” Maybe if she’d just agreed from the beginning they would have gotten away. They could have been making a life together somewhere safe instead of… instead of all of this. “I went to see Irving, I begged him to reconsider, but he said there was nothing he could do. That the Knight Captain had proof Jowan was a blood mage. I couldn’t believe it, I wouldn’t-- Jowan he-- he’s my family. He’s my big brother.” Amira closed her eyes tightly, trying to will away the lump in her throat. “They were going to take away everything that made him,  _ him _ .”

“So you agreed to help him escape.” Alistair said quietly.

Amira nodded even though she knew it was a rhetorical question. “He promised me he was innocent.” It was the only explanation she had, and it seemed childish now, but it was all she had needed in the moment. Believing him was so easy when she’d wanted so badly for it to be the truth. “We got caught of course, though only after his phylactery was destroyed. They threatened to take Lily to Aenor, and Jowan panicked. He used blood magic to subdue the Templars.” She’d been too shocked to move then. It had felt like she was watching it all from outside her body, like it wasn’t even real, or it was happening to someone else. If only. “He tried to get Lily to go with him, but she was horrified. She’d had no idea either. In the end Jowan ran off alone, and we were left to face the consequences. You know the rest.”

“Duncan conscripted you.”

“We’d spoken earlier that day,” Amira admitted. “Irving introduced us. We’d talked for awhile about the Wardens and the war. I think he could tell I wanted to join it all.”

“Even before everything with Jowan?” Alistair asked in surprise, turning to look at her curiously. “You already wanted to join?”

“Of course,” she said with an almost laugh. “Get out of the tower, use my magic to actually help people. To do something worthwhile. How could I not?”

“I thought you liked the tower.” Alistair said with a shrug. “When you were talking earlier it sounded like...like you hadn’t wanted to leave.”

This time it was Amira’s turn to shrug. “It was home. Everything I had in the world was there. I don’t hate it, not even now, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t want to leave too. Or that I’d want to go back.”

“So you wouldn’t go back, even if you could?” Alistair asked, sounding oddly nervous.

“No.” Amira said, after considering it for a long moment. “Home is with the Wardens now. With you.”

“That’s… I didn’t know you felt that way.” Alistair cleared his throat before leaning over so that the side of his arm was pressed against her leg. “I kind of like the sound of it though.”


	8. In Which Morrigan and Cassian are Not so Smooth

“Tis cold in my tent, all alone.”

Cassian froze at those words, his eyes widening. It was a subject that he had been dreading talking about with Morrigan. He had hoped that it wouldn't come up, ever, alas here they were.

“Really?” Cassian rushed out. “I think it’s rather warm…” He looked at Morrigan wide eyed, hoping she may take the hit and drop the invitation.

Morrigan chuckled at that, coming closer to him. She smelled amazing he noted distantly. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. “Hmmm quite cold, perhaps you can think of something that would help heat it up.”

Cassian stared at Morrigan, his eyes flicking between her face, the fire just outside her tent, and her actual tent. “I’llgetyouathickerblanket.” He rushed out. Cassian then turned around, and ran into the woods disappearing completely.

Morrigan stared after him bewildered and hurt.

 

***

  
Cassian spent the better part of the night sitting under a large tree staring off into space. How was he supposed to tell Morrigan that he liked her, but had no interest in her sexually? That’s not to say he wouldn’t have sex with her, but he didn’t like to have it frequently. He was terrified how she would react. Any man would be lucky to have her, and would call him crazy for not wanting her that way. She’d probably leave him, he thought vaguely. For Zevran most likely, he mushed. He was worldly and would treat her well. As Cassian resigned himself to this fate he heard footsteps approaching.

Sten rounded the corner locking eyes with Cassian. “We are leaving soon. You should return to camp.”

Cassian nodded wordlessly and followed him back to camp.

 

***

  
Cassian was miserable.

They had arrived in Redcliff, and had dealt with the weird raising the dead problem and Connor, which was a whole nother story in and of itself. They had decided to spend a few days at the castle to rest and recuperate before heading to Denerim.

Since the incident at camp with Morrigan, she’d barely looked at or talked to him. When she did it was biting comments and harsh words, it wasn’t just him either. She was treating everyone harsher than usual. At some point every person in the group had gone up to him and asked him to talk to her. The problem was that he didn’t even know how to begin. His insides felt like a ball of tangled up string. He had no idea how to unknot it. He hated this, he hated that she was mad at him, that he had hurt her. He’d never meant to. He panicked and ran because he needed to think, and he still needed to think…. Or perhaps he needed to talk to someone who might know what to do in this situation.

Cassian rose from where he was sitting on the floor of his room, and began to wander through the castle looking for the answer to his conundrum. He found the answer in the form of Zevran who having a drink in the kitchens. He took a seat beside him at one of the tables.

“Ah Cassian, what brings you here my fellow companion.”

“I have a question for you.”

“Well ask away my friend, I am here to assist you in any way I can.”

Cassian hesitated at that. He doubted Zevran would talk to the rest of the group about any of this, but it was still nerve wracking to expose himself like this. Especially to a near stranger. “What… do you you do when a woman is angry with you?”

“You are talking about Morrigan no? Haha I guessed something was up there. She has been especially prickly these last few days.”

Cassian fixed him with an unreadable gaze, giving nothing away. They weren’t that close.

“Hmmm very well. If a woman is upset with you you must talk to her. Communication is key in any type relationship.”

“What if she dosen’t like what I have to say?”Cassian asked. He was so terrified of losing her.

“She is a woman no? Woman always like it when a man talks honestly. Most men so rarely say what they really mean.”

Cassian found that gem oddly wise. He nodded to Zevran in thanks, and left the kitchen. He’d gotten the advice he needed, now he had to put it to use.

 

***

  
Cassian found himself outside of Morrigan’s room, his heart pounding. This was the moment of truth. He knocked lightly on the door. He heard a muffled “Enter” and opened the door to the room.

Cassian didn’t immediately see Morrigan. She was sitting on the floor her back to the couch facing the fireplace. The light of the flames blazed casting harsh shadows on her face. She looked striking. “May I sit?” Cassian asked gesturing slightly to the space beside her.

“Oh are we talking now? Or are you going to run away like a child instead of saying what you want.” Cassian opened his mouth to reply, but before he could Morrigan interrupted, quieter this time. “Tis ok Cassian I understand, you desire another. One who is not an outcast, and unfamiliar with this world.”

Cassian’s brow furrowed. “I...do?” He asked fairly confused at who he could possibly pine for that wasn't Morrigan.

“You desire Leliana do you not? She is Orlesian like you after all. Is that not why you ran away? Or was the prospect of spending the night with an apostate so revolting you had to go empty your stomach.” She said this last part bitterly. Cassian was shocked, he hadn’t realized that Morrigan was perhaps as insecure about him as he was about her. This revelation calmed him. He could do this.

“I do not desire Leliana, she’s gross with her red hair, and freaky shoe obsession” Morrigan snorted at that. “Also she believes in the Maker which is just ridiculous in my opinion.” Morrigan turned to look at him offering him a small smile. “You are smart, and quick witted, and you hate all of the things I do. Morrigan I do want to be with you. I just…” Cassian paused at this struggling to find the words.

“I’m going to tell you something about myself, and if you change your mind about me I will understand, but please let me finish first.” Morrigan stared at him for a moment and then nodded for him to continue.

“I had sex for the first time at 16 years old. All of the other boys in the Alienage were doing it. My cousin Soris told me I should too. He said it was the best thing ever. Being the impressionable young man that I was, I followed his lead and bedded another girl from the Alienage. The whole thing lasted less than five minutes, and I found it... unsatisfactory. I didn’t understand why everyone liked it. I told Soris as much and he suggested I try another. Someone that I actually fancied."

"A few months later I started courting a boy named Ket. He was nice, plain, but smart. I was with him for about four months before I ended things. We had sex and it was the same thing as with the first girl. It felt like a chore. I couldn’t understand way. Kissing him, holding him, that was fine, but the act. It was not really something I wanted to do."

"I thought the problem was with me, that perhaps I needed to learn more about sex and its mechanics, and then maybe I would enjoy it more. So I did the only logical thing a 17 year old would do. I went to a whorehouse. Off and on for the better part of 6 months. I hired a prostitute to teach me everything he knew about the act. According to him I became quite skilled. But it just wasn’t engaging to me. No matter how we did it. It felt like a chore. Like washing the dishes or doing the laundry."

"Finally I broke down and told him. I told him that sex while occasionally satisfying in moments when I was stressed, was not something I actively wanted to engage in or search out. I pleaded with him to fix me so I could be like my friends. I just wanted to be normal."

"He told me that asexuality was totally fine, that there was nothing to fix, that it was ok for me to feel that way, that some people just don’t like to have sex, that some people enjoy it like a very specific dessert, and that some wouldn’t seek out unless invited. There is no wrong way to want sex even if a part of that is to not actively seek it out. What’s important is communication, and consent."

"That conversation changed my life. I never went back to the whorehouse after that, and I haven’t been with someone since then. When you asked me to join you in your tent I panicked. I’m so afraid that the fact that I don’t want to have sex with you will repulse you."

"I am attracted to you, your mind is a miracle, and a puzzle, and you are so beautiful, but I am not sexually attracted to you. I never have been.” Cassian finally looked at Morrigan tears shining in his eyes. The moment of truth. “If we were to be together sex would be infrequent if not nonexistent. Does this change things?”

Morrigan stared at him for a long moment, then leaned in slowly and kissed him on the mouth gently, her hand coming up to caress his cheek. She pulled away slightly her forehead resting against his.

“All my life men have desired me because of my appearance. I have used that to destroy them.” At that Cassian and Morrigan shared a small smile. “I find the fact that you do not want me for sex, but for my mind incredibly refreshing. I do enjoy the act of sex Cassian, but it is not something that is necessary for my survival. If sex is something you do not want to have except for certain circumstances, then we shall enjoy it only on special occasions. Nothing more."

"For now, you are mine, and I am yours. Deal?” Morrigan said looking him in the eye intensely.

Cassian looked at her with wide eyes and nodded eagerly. Morrigan smiled at that. She reached down and grabbed his hand pulling him to stand up with her. “Now come, tis cold in here, and my bed is lonely, I wish only to be held.” She looked at Cassian questioningly. Hoping that she had said the right thing.

Cassian smiled widely and followed her bed.


	9. Poor Timing

Amira quickly followed Alistair out of his sister’s house, worrying at her lip. When Alistair had asked the group if they could make a side trip to visit his sister she’d been thrilled for him. Of course then Cassian had been completely on board with the idea, and if there was one thing Amira knew it was to be suspicious of anything that she and Cassian agreed on. It usually meant there was something she wasn’t considering, that she should  _ really  _ be considering for possible terrible ramifications. Alistair had looked so excited though, and she didn’t have the heart to protest, even if she was suspicious of Cassian’s enthusiasm. 

Honestly, she was never going to doubt her and Cassian agreeing on something as a bad sign again.

Alistair stopped abruptly, and Amira nearly ran into him. He ran a shaking hand through his hair as he turned to look at her, but she wasn’t entirely sure he was even seeing her at the moment. “This is the family I’ve been wondering about all my life? That shrew is my sister? I can’t believe it. I… I guess I was expecting her to accept me without question. Isn’t that what family is supposed to do? I… I feel like a complete idiot.”

If he was an idiot then so was she. It had never even occurred to her that Goldana might reject him. Maybe that was naïve of her, but it wasn’t as if she could boast much experience with blood family either. She only had a few, mosty hazy memories left of her mother, but what she did remember was warm, and loving, even in the darkness of the Alienage. Her mother had been so proud when she turned out to have magic. But then maybe she should have expected this. She had more than enough experience with people she'd thought of as family, people she'd reached out to in the hopes of finding a family, turning her away. Why should blood really make such a difference to all the ways a person could disappoint you?

“You don’t need her.” Amira told him fiercely, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. If Goldana couldn’t see how lucky she was to have a brother like Alistair, one who’d tried his absolute best to find her just to know her, then she didn't deserve him anyway. “You have other people who care for you.”

Alistair laughed mirthlessly, and it was hard not flinch from the sound. “Such as? The only person who ever cared about me was Duncan and he’s gone.” It killed her how sure he was of that, and suddenly she wanted to wake Arl Eamon up just to yell at him for letting Alistair grow up feeling so alone. She tried to remember that yelling at a man who was going to wake up to discover his wife died to save his son was perhaps too cruel. It left her anger wavering for a moment, but only until she saw the look of utter defeat Alistair was still wearing.

“ _ I _ care about you.” There was an edge to her voice she didn’t expect, something desperate and raw that begged him to believe her because the look in Alistair’s eyes was breaking her heart. She wanted to tell him that he was the sweetest person she’d ever known, that he was the reason she’s been able to make it this far. She wanted to tell him he was brave and kind and somehow managed to make her laugh even as the world was falling apart around them. She wanted to storm back into that house and destroy that woman for daring to be the latest in a long line of awful people who made Alistair feel like he wasn’t worthy of a family’s love. She wanted, she wanted– oh. 

_ Oh. _

She… might care more deeply than she’d realized. She might have cared in a very specific manner in fact. Oh Maker this could be trouble.

“I…” Alistair seems almost as at a loss for words as she suddenly felt, and she prayed she hadn’t given herself away. Maker please, this was not the time to even be contemplating her newly realized romantic feelings, not when Alistair was this vulnerable and out of sorts. Right now what he needed was her support and her friendship. With her hand still on his arm, Amira felt it as he finally seemed to relax a bit, some of the tension ebbing away. “Thank you.” he finally settled on, sounding a bit choked up, and Amira wondered if Alistair would be uncomfortable if she hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug. “I’m glad you came with me.” Maker’s breath she’d almost forgotten that she’d nearly insisted he go alone. She’d been worried about intruding on a special family moment. The irony wasn’t lost on her.

“I'm just… I need to go.” Alistair said before she could think of anything else to say. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Amira merely nodded, and watched helplessly as he walked away, wishing there was something else, anything else, she could do for him.

With a sigh Amira turned away, resisting the urge to follow after Alistair. If he wanted to be alone she’d respect that. Her already sour expression only grew sterner as she caught Cassian slouched casually against the wall of Goldana’s house, watching from the shadows. “How long have you been standing there?” she asked, her tone annoyed and long suffering as she glared at Cassian. She was already sure she wasn’t going to like the answer, and so help her if Morrigan and Cassian used this as more fodder for insulting Alistair she would make them regret it. Honestly if she wasn’t fairly certain she was just being paranoid she’d almost think Cassian knew things would turn out poorly. It would certainly explain his enthusiasm.

Cassian pulled out some sort of stick and started chewing on it. Jerky, Amira realized belatedly, probably stolen from Goldana. He seemed more interested in his snack then in any of the events that had just transpired. 

“I’ve been here long enough to witness that disaster that you would call a conversation.”

Amira flushed with embarrassment and anger, how dare he after what Alistair just went through? “Hey being rejected by your family is never easy! So back-”

“I wonder” Cassian interrupted, examining his food with great care. “When you and Alistair finally get around to having sex, if I will vomit from the sounds first or Morrigan. She’s going to be furious that you finally figured it out.”

Amira was at a loss for words, and beyond embarrassed. She was also trying very hard to ignore the implication that Morrigan and Cassian had, at some point, discussed her feelings for Alistair and her own obliviousness to them. That was something she could live without thinking about. Cassian walked past her towards the shops, most likely looking for more food. 

“Take advantage of the time you have Amira, no one lives forever, least of all a Grey Warden.” Amira gaped at Cassian’s back, trying to wrap her mind around the idea that he might have just encouraged her to make a move on Alistair.

Oh no, that meant it was a bad idea, didn’t it?

 

***

 

Cassian watched as Alistair stumbled blindly through the streets of Denerim. The man had been walking around for the last half hour. If he didn’t look so pathetic Cassian would have found the whole thing rather amusing. Alistair finally seemed to run out of energy and fell to his knees rather defeatedly at the bank of Drakon river. Cassian observed him for a moment. It was time.

He approached Alistair as he sat at the edge of the river despondently. Quietly Cassian sat next to him. Far enough away to give him his space but close enough to seem friendly. 

“Why are you here? Planning to rub some more salt on my wounds? Cause if you are you can fuck off.” Cassian raised his eyebrow, unused to hearing Alistair using such vulgar language. Alistair seemed to realise what he had said and sighed staring at the river. “I’m… sorry, that was rude. It's just, that woman was supposed to be my family. She was supposed to accept me right? All she wanted was money. She didn’t even care about me, I feel so stupid.”

Cassian was quiet for a moment. Staring at the river along Alistair. Thinking. “Did you know that this is the river that I would catch fish in? Of course it was on the other side of the bank, where the Alienage is, but still the same river. I would stand in the water for hours waiting for even the smallest fish to come by in hopes of getting a little extra food.”   
  
“What the that have to do with anything?” Alistair asked, annoyed by Cassian’s apparent rambling. 

Cassian rolled his eyes and continued. “I remember when I was fourteen there was another elf boy who also started coming to the river for food. He used to shove me into the water or throw rocks at me in hopes of sabotaging my fishing. For every fish that I failed to catch it meant there was another opportunity for him to get one. Finally after about two weeks of this my patience ran out. I tackled the boy and drowned him in the river-”   
  
“You what!? Why are you telling me this that’s horrible!!” Alistair said standing up angrily.

“If you would allow me to finish my story you will understand.” Cassian said annoyed by all of the interruptions. Alistair huffed angrily and sat back down. “I dragged the boy of the water and used a technique that would cause him to puke out all of the water. He was fine. He also never came back to the river. And I was able to continue to catch the fish I needed for my family.’ 

‘The lesson here is that everyone wants something. Everyone is out for themselves. It was either me or the boy. And I took what I wanted.” Cassian turned to look Alistair in the eye who was watching slightly confused. He hadn’t gotten the message yet. “Do not be afraid to take what you want Alistair. You want love, respect, honor? Take it. Do not wait for a handout, for you will starve.”    
  
The dawning of what Cassian was saying appeared in his eyes. “You mean I should stand up for myself? Take what I want or I’ll never be happy?” Alistair asked not quite sure that was what Cassian was getting it.

“Yes. When you put everyone else before you, you are the one who ends up being last. And when has that ever made you happy?” Cassian saw it now. Alistair was finally understanding what he meant.

“You’re right. I have been letting others tell me what to do all my life, and where has it gotten me? From now on, I’m going to start looking out for myself. Thank you.” Alistair said rising.

Cassian gave him a small smile and rose with him. “Don’t mention it.” Alistair chuckled at that. Cassian grabbed his arm before he could walk away, his face turning serious. “I mean it. Don’t mention it. I have a reputation to keep up.” 

Alistair smiled at nodded. “I’m going to head back to the inn. Are you coming?”   
  
“I’m good, I want to wander around a little more.” Alistair smiled one last time at Cassian and turned to walk back to the inn. 

Cassian watched Alistair leave a smirk coming across his face. It had almost been too easy. He then turned and waded into the water. Standing completely still, arms poised. He felt like eating fish for dinner tonight. 


	10. A Rich Man's World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note about some tweaks to canon lore in this universe. In an effort to make elves a little less "short humans with pointy ears" and a little more than their own species we've made some choices that contradict game canon, mostly in relatation to elvhen skin tone and how half elves work.
> 
> This has been referenced already a few time in-fic, but, to be clear, in this universe elves come in a variety of colorful hues and tones. Dalish elves are generally green, while city elfs tend toward greyed out tones. Other hues exist (Amira is clay red, Cassian is blue hued, and Zeveran has a darker yellowish orange complexion) but are less common. The more colorful one is the "elfy-er" they are considered as greyed complexions are a result of human ancestors. It is still completely possible for elfblooded folks to be "human passing" of course, just no longer a given. Some elves, like Cassian and Zeveran, also have black scalera. Others, like Amira, don't.
> 
> Shout out to Fleshwerks on tumblr, who's Dragon Age art was a big inspiration in the changes we made to elves here.

“We need money.” Cassian announced to the group. They were eating breakfast in a cheap and incredibly seedy inn, located in one of the less savory parts of Denerim. The group looked at Cassian from their seats. All of them in the process of scarfing down a rather watery porridge.

“What are you talking about? We’re doing fine for money.” Alistair asked around a mouthful of food.

Cassian snorted at that. “No we are not, we have probably 40 silvers, that won’t even cover the cost of one more night here, let alone the next few weeks. It’s going to take time to do everything we want here. Like finding you long lost cousin Gertrude.”

“Goldanna. And we already found her.” Alistair corrected in annoyance.

“Bless you.” Cassian said. “We need to find work, and fast. Or else we're going to have to camp outside of the city. Traveling back and forth between the two will waste time.”

“I am inclined to agree with him.” Zevran agreed. “Money is always good no? And we could all use some new gear and clothes.”

Several other members of the group nodded in agreement.

“Well then I guess it’s settled. Today we’ll try and find some work.” Amira said.

 

***

 

It was a few hours later and Cassian, Amira, Morrigan and Zevran were in the Market District searching for work. The rest of the group was in the less favorable parts of the city trying to find jobs. The four had decided to split into groups of two, Amira and Zevran in one and Morrigan and Cassian in the other. They’d meet back in an hour with whatever potential work they found.

“Do you have any thoughts on where we should search? You are from the area after all.” Morrigan quired to Cassian. He smiled shyly to her. Their relationship was only a few weeks old, and he still got stupid butterflies in his stomach when they were together.

“Um yeah, I was thinking we could go to my old place of employment. The owner and bartender Hubert is pretty well connected, he might be able to point us to some work.”

“Very well, lead the way.” Morrigan said nodding.

It took them a little while to make their way to the Gnawed Noble Tavern, it looked exactly the same as Cassian remembered it: dank, musty, with a hint of sleezy. The two of them made their way over to the bar where Hubert was pouring some drinks.

“Ah well look who it is, Cassian Tabris, never thought I’d see you again. What the fuck happened to your face? And who is this?” Huberts eyes raked across Morrigan appraisingly. “She your new master or something? Soris said a human took you out of the Alienage, this her?”

“Oh um-” Cassian’s brows knit together thrown off by Hubert’s incredibly invasive questions. In the past Hubert had always ignored him in favor of talking to Soris. Said Cassian was to elfy for his tastes.

“Can’t say I blame ya.” Hubert continued. “Woman like that wanted to take me out of here I’d be gone in a flash.” He continued to eye Morrigan. “If there is anything I can do for you milady let me know. You _know_ what they say about elves not always being able to satisfy one's needs.” His voice dripping with implication.

Morrigan stepped forward past Cassian, leaning in close to Hubert over the bar. “Actually.” she said in a sultry voice. “There is something you can do for me.” Hubert leaned in close grinning lecherously. Suddenly Morrigan reached over and slammed his face down on the bar top. There was a crack as she broke his nose from the force. “You can point me and Cassian in the direction of some work, and if I'm not satisfied I may just have to kill you. Any thoughts?”

“Wait wait!” Hubert cried panicked. “There is something. The word on the street is a few contracts went bad, the assassins killed their contacts, and don't know what to do with the bodies. You get rid of them and come back here I can get you some money from a very grateful third party.”

Morrigan eyed him for a minute, and then looked back to Cassian who was watching her with a surprised expression. He nodded when he saw the question in her eyes. Hubert gave them the locations. “Good now before we go you are going to apologize to me and Cassian.”

Hubert nodded and gave the most sincere apology he could give with a broken nose. Morrigan released him roughly after he was done. Together her and Cassian exited the tavern.

“Amira is never going to let us do this, she’d find it morally wrong or something.” Cassian spoke once they were outside.

“Then the answer is simple. We find and dispose of the bodies ourselves.”

Cassian smiled at Morrigan’s plan and nodded his agreement. “Hey, what you did back there with Hubert…”

“Please don’t read into it to much, he was being rude, and I do hate it when men ogle me. You’re not upset because you wanted to be the hero where you?” Morrigan asked raising her eyebrow.

“No no, not at all, I thought that what you did was amazing. I just wanted to thank you for standing up for me like that. Usually when humans talk to me that way people pretend they don’t hear.”

Morrigan stepped closer to Cassian and kissed him lightly on the lips. “You are mine, and I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting you, and our… relationship, that way.”

Cassian smiled widely at that and nodded.

 

***

 

Something in Amira rebelled against the idea of agreeing with Cassian, just on principle, but in this case she had to admit he was right. They needed to stay in the city, and if they wanted to do that they'd need funds. Even Alistair had agreed in the end, though he'd kicked up another fuss at the group selections. He'd not wanted her alone with Zevran, still suspicious of his motivations for joining their group in the first place. Amira could understand his reasoning of course, but as naive as it might sound she believed Zevran. Wanting to escape a life you’d never chosen, even if you'd learned to be content in it... It was a feeling she could understand.

Instead of going that route though Amira had simply reminded Alistair that they'd probably be better off sending humans into the seedier parts of town. Keeping a Warden with each group seemed best as well. Alistair had still seemed reluctant to leave her, which was sweet, if unnecessary. She'd simply smiled at his concern, squeezing his arm in reassurance. Leliana had looked on knowingly which Amira pointedly ignored. She was still trying to reconcile with herself the knowledge that she had feelings for Alistair, and it was a little disconcerting to think everyone had figured it out before she had.

It was strange being back in Denerim. She'd never really thought she'd see it again. They all knew Cassian had grown up in the Alienage, but Amira had never mentioned her own beginnings here. It just... hadn't seemed relevant. She'd been gone for so long, and with her mother dead there wasn't anyone left for her here. Amira might as well have been born in the Circle. Sometimes she thought the other forgot she hadn't been.

Most of the vendors they spoke to had turned up their noses at their inquiries of work. Apparently she and Zevran were both "too elfy" for Ferelden tastes. Zevran had commented in a somewhat offhand manner that their coloring would have been an advantage in Antiva. He didn't seem particularly bothered in either case while Amira had, had to bite down on the bitter anger trying to claw its way out of her chest. She'd need to get better at dealing with the prejudice against elves. She'd known mentally that things would be different when she left the Circle, but she supposed in her heart she hadn't really understood what it would mean. The Circle had problems enough, she was used to being labeled, but there the only 'us' or 'them' that mattered was Mage or Templar. Being an elf had never hurt her prospects there, it wasn't that it hadn't mattered, or that the prejudices hadn't bled over, but it was different. There were elven first enchanters, elven grand enchanters. Out in the world she was still other, because she was a mage, but now she was suddenly an elf too in a way she’d forgotten she needed to consider. Zevran shot a look at her clenched fists as they walked away, raising an eyebrow. Amira sighed, unclenching her fists. Getting angry wouldn't help, she reminded herself. Drawing attention to themselves wouldn't help.

The not drawing attention to themselves plan seemed to go off the rails when they accidentally began a conversation with a sergeant of the guard. "Oh can I help you Warden?" should not have been nearly so terrifying a question.

"How did you...?" Amira began reflexively. Maker, why in the middle of the market...!

The guardsman seemed oblivious to the tailspin he'd sent her mind into as he shrugged. Amira was already plotting two or three different plans for how they'd get out of this with minimal collateral damage. "Your likeness was passed around to the senior guards at the palace. I must say the sketch didn't do you much justice." Amira's brain struggled to reconcile his nonchalance with everything she knew Loghain had accused them of, and came up wanting. He seemed to finally catch on to that. "Don't worry, even if I did believe the official story of what happened at Ostagar, I'm no fool. If I asked my men to apprehend you they'd all go cry big snobby tears into their courtesans’ bosoms, and leave me all alone to be skewered." He shook his head in disgust. "Don't disturb the peace in the market, and that's well enough for me."

It was a novel change after all the false accusations, and needless fighting for their lives to have someone look at them and decide it wasn't worth the trouble. (Out of the corner of her eye Amira caught Zevran subtly returning a blade back into its hiding place.) It was a rather pleasant change really. Pleasant enough that Amira decided to continue the conversation, asking after the state of the market. Not good, was apparently the answer. The state of the guard was even worse. It was conflicting. She didn’t like thinking that the citizens of Denerim were under protected, but it was comforting to know they likely didn’t have worry about anyone trying to take them in.

“We’ve been looking for a bit of work if you’re in need of some help.” Amira offered, half to assuage her own guilty feelings, and half because they weren’t in any position to be passing up potential opportunities.

He scoffed “What, you’re serious?” Amira raised an eyebrow, and the sergeant seemed to realize she was serious, because he quickly back pedaled. “I, mean, yes. Yes. I could use help.” He collected himself slightly before continuing. “I’ve got a pretty popular, uh, establishment, that’s crawling with mercenaries. I send my boys in and someone might get, Maker forbid, hurt, and I’ll have to explain to their noble fathers that being a guard is actually dangerous.”

She bit back a smile at the tone. This was clearly a very real problem for the man, and she didn’t want to make light of that, but he was amusing in the telling all the same. “I’m sure we can handle it.” she reassured in amusement. She doubted any rowdy mercenaries could compare to darkspawn or undead. Or an Antivan Crow, she thought, shooting a glance at Zevran.

He seemed relieved she was still interested in taking the job. “The name of the whorehouse is the Pearl. Beat down any mercenaries that are out of line and send them a message. I said beat down, not kill. Let me make that really clear, not on fire or exploded or Maker knows whatever kind of grisly death you can dream up.” He stopped short, as if catching himself. “Sorry. Used to giving orders to my boys. Just… leave them breathing and I’ll be happy.”

“Understood.” she told him, pressing her fist to her chest in a quick, half-joking, salute. Amira didn't think she could have asked for a better conclusion really. Kylon seemed a good sort who needed the help, and they'd get paid in the process.

Zevran seemed equally pleased as they left to find the others. "Clearing unsavory sorts from a whore house, it will be just like when I was a boy!"

 

***

 

Amira wasn’t sure what she’d expected a brothel to look like, but The Pearl looked rather like a nice inn. Getting rid of the White Falcons was a simple affair. Amira was certain they could have accomplished things with less bloodshed, but seeing the look of relief on a few of the worker’s faces soothed whatever annoyance she felt at Cassian’s methods. Maybe it was alright just this once. She was fairly sure they’d left everyone alive in any case so Sergeant Kylon should be satisfied.

“Oy! Only paying customers are allowed in the back.” Sanga called out to Cassian and Morrigan who for some unknown reason were trying to sneak into the actual brothel part of the Pearl. Cassian gave her a sheepish smile and nodded while Morrigan just scowled. They moved to rejoin the group.

“Harea?” Amira was turned away from the man speaking, the lilt of an Orlesian accent to his words. She only realized he was speaking to her when he laid a hand on her shoulder. “Harea it has been far too-- oh.” He was an older human, portly with grey hair peppered with white. His clothes were well tailored and far more elaborate than anything Amira had seen since arriving in the city. Even if she hadn’t heard his accent she’d have been able to tell he was Orlesian from dress alone. “I mistook you another.” He was still looking her over with a strange level of intensity.

Amira stared at him for a long moment. “My mother’s name was Harea.” she said, half remembering it herself as she spoke. Maker had she really almost forgotten her own mother’s name?

“Yes, yes, that would make sense. You look so like her. You even have her coloring.”

There was something strange about the way he said it, but Amira was too caught up in the fact that he’d known her mother to give it much thought. Of course they were Denerim, but Amira hadn’t expected anything. Not with the Alienage closed off and her mother almost twelve years dead. “How did you know her?” Excitement warred with confusion in Amira’s mind. This man was human, and obviously well off (highborne maybe, wealthy definitely,) nevermind the fact that he was Orlesian. She was suddenly deeply curious what it was about her mother that made him remember her all these years later, but not know she was dead. What kind of life had her mother had outside of their home that Amira had known nothing about?

He laughed, like it was a silly question. “Well I met her here of course.” Amira’s mind ground to a halt. He’d met her mother… he’d met her mother in a brothel. “Oh she was a jewel.” He went on eagerly, oblivious to the chaos he’d just thrown Amira’s entire world into. “It isn’t often one can find an elf of such exquisite coloring, red is so terribly rare after all. I’d not found one like her since,” he smiled at her in a way that made Amira feel ill “well, not until today.”

He walked around her, examining her like some animal for purchase. She was still too off balance to move. She barely noticed that they’d gained the attention of the rest of the group. He was in front of her again, and nodding his head in satisfaction. “What do you charge?”

“Excuse me?” Amira asked in disbelief, unable to believe what she was hearing.

He seemed a little annoyed at the question. “Your rates, my dear. I’m interested in purchasing your services for the evening. You are quite to my tastes.”

He thought she was a prostitute. It hadn’t even occurred to him that she could be anything other than a prostitute. Like her mother. Maker her mother had worked here, had come here everyday and let men like this do whatever they wanted to her for the right price. Had let this man specifically… and now he wanted her too? He had slept her mother, and he saw nothing wrong with doing the same to her. Because she was the right color. She felt sick.

“Walk away.” Amira said, harshly, frost subtly growing up her fingertips unconsciously. “Walk away, now.”

“Excuse me?” He sounded terribly offended. Amira barely resisted the urge to punch him in the mouth.

“I’m not for sale” she growled.

Zevran laid a hand on her shoulder, gripping it tightly. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to ground her or hold her back. “What my friend means--”

“I meant what I said.” she snapped at Zevran, shrugging off his hand. “There aren’t enough sovereigns in the world for me to let this bastard touc--”

“He’ll sleep with you.” Morrigan cut in, pointing at Cassian.

The group turned to look at Morrigan with surprised expressions. Cassian made eye contact with her and they seemed to have some sort of very quick communication pass between them. He turned to the Orlesian man and nodded his agreement.

“Yes I will most definitely sleep with you, but she gets to watch, it gets her excited, if you know what I mean.” Cassian said leaning and whispering conspiratorially to him. Morrigan rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

“You two can’t be serious! You’re going to have sex with this creep?” Amira asked clearly upset.

“Amira.” Cassian said sounding aghast. “This is one of you dead mothers lovers, show him some respect. And yes, if you're good at something, never do it for free, do it for six sovereigns and a cool rock.”

Amira looked ready to punch Cassian.

“I will do it for three sovereigns. No more.” The Orlesian counterbargened.

“No deal, how many blue elves have you fucked? Hmmm? Six or no deal.”

The man sighed and nodded. “Very well, you two follow me.” With that the man led Cassian and Morrigan into the back of the Pearl.

“Don’t wait up.” Cassian called out to Amira and Zevran.

 

***

 

The three of them entered a lavishly decorated room with a large bed in the middle. “You will find that I have very specific tastes, the woman will watch and only watch while I take the elf fro- Ophf” The Orlesian fell to the floor unconscious. Cassian had knocked him out when is back was turned. He immediately started rooting through his pockets pulling out his money and pocketing it.

“That was a great idea, Morrigan. Now we just need to find…” Cassian looked down at the list Hubert had given them “Sal the Grinder.” Cassian said snorting. “That’s a horrible name.”

Morrigan smirked and nodded. “Let’s go find this incompetent fool.”

***

Amira stormed out of the Pearl. She didn’t think there was a word to describe the emotion she was feeling at the moment. She’d never really thought about what her mother had done for a living, but she would never have imagined this. To think that her mother had let a man like that anywhere near her… When had it started, after her father had died? The thought brought Amira up short as something occurred to her. Was the story her mother had told her about her father dying before she was born even true?

Her mother had almost never spoken of her father, and when she had it always been in vague ways. Not that Amira had asked many questions. It was a topic that she’d known had made her mother sad. She hadn’t wanted that so she’d just...not asked. Amira supposed she’d always assumed she’d have more time. Then her magic had manifested and there was no more time to ask. The only real detail Amira could remember her mother ever telling her was that her father had given her mother a blue ribbon to wear on their wedding day. She’d told Amira that story right before the Templars came to take her away, when her she’d tied the ribbon into Amira’s hair. She’d sent Amira off with a smile and a kiss, and a promise that she’d always love her no matter how far she went.

That was mother Amira wanted to remember, not this.

“Amira!” Zevran called after her, but she kept walking. She didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. Zevran persisted in following her though, and finally Amira stopped.

“What?” She didn’t mean to snap, but it just came out. She tried to remind herself that Zevran hadn’t done anything wrong. It didn’t help.

“You didn’t know what your mother did.” He guessed, staring at her scrutinizingly.

“What ever gave you that idea?” Amira asked sarcastically. She finally noticed the frost on her fingertips, and brushed it off on her clothes in frustration. “Of course I didn’t know! She never told me. How could she? I was six when I left here!”

“Why does it bother you so much?” Zevran asked, a sort stillness to him that Amira didn’t think she’d ever seen before. She wasn’t much in mindset to analyse it, or realize what fraught ground she was treading on.

“You’re kidding” Amira stated in disbelief. He’d been in there with her, he’d heard the same things she had. What her mother did, the way that man had talked about her, hadn’t he? Like she was nothing. “You really don’t get why this could upset me?”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” He replied with a shrug, looking at her with an unreadable expression.

“My mother had sex for money!”

“A job’s a job. She needed to survive, to put food on the table. Take care of you.” The last bit hit Amira in a way she didn’t think Zevran had meant to. Was that part of why her mother had been able send her away with a smile? Because when she left that meant less… this. The guilt that accompanied the thought was almost overwhelming.

“She could have done something else! Anything else!” Amira lashed out angrily, not thinking about what she was saying. She felt angry, and sad, and guilty. She didn’t want this to be real. This wasn’t who her mother was. Her mother was warm smiles, and gentle words, and a blue ribbon tucked safely in the bottom of her pack. Not some Orlesian’s fetish or-or… she didn’t even want to think about it.

“She had no choice.”

“There’s always a choice!”

Zevran stared at her for a long moment, something sad about his expression that made Amira want to look away suddenly. “How blessed you are to believe that,” he almost chuckled but it wasn’t a good sound. The anger and hurt still churned in her gut, but the haze they’d left over her thoughts broke just long enough to give Amira the feeling that she’d said something wrong. She was too upset, or maybe just too stubborn to care at the moment though. “but we can not all grow up in ivory towers, can we?”

She didn’t say anything as Zevran walked away.

 

***

  
To say that Amira had been having a bad day was an understatement. She was currently wandering the aimlessly around the Market District of Denerim trying to forget her fight with Zevran. Eventually Amira found herself outside of the Chantry. To her right she heard a noise that sound like arguing.

“Look I’m just saying if you lift the legs like this then we can toss the body in, minimal splash.” A voice said.

“I know how to lift a body Cassian, I don’t need you to explain it to me like I am some helpless child.” What was clearly Morrigan hissed back.

“I knew we should have brought Sten, this guy weighs a ton.”

“Just tip half of him in and we'll let gravity to do the rest of the work, tis simple.”

“Simple for you, I’m doing most of the work.” Cassian grumbled.

Amira rounded the corner and saw Morrigan and Cassian struggling to lift what looked like a body into the Chantry well. The three of them froze when they saw each other. Amira pressed her hand together in front of her face in a gesture that had quickly become shorthand for a very done utterance of ‘What the FUCK Cassian.’

Cassian immediately dropped his half the the body causing it so slide into the well father, the shift in weight caused Morrigan to let go of the body. It fell into the well with a loud splash.

“Do I even want to know what you are doing.” Amira asked tiredly.

Morrigan turned into a raven and flew away leaving Cassian to deal with Amira.

“Cheater.” Cassian muttered. “No you probably don’t.” Cassian said speaking to Amira.

Amira stared at him blankly, they held each other's gaze for a minute and then Cassian suddenly bolted climbing over the Chantry wall with surprising grace and disappearing into the night leaving Amira alone in the Chantry yard.


	11. Things That Grow

The sun hung low in the sky as Amira sat staring out over the river. She'd been there alone for sometime when Alistair cautiously approached here. "Can I sit?" Alistair asked uncertainly, as if he was worried whether his presence would be appreciated. Amira couldn't blame him. She'd not been much for company since the incident at The Pearl the day before. Zevran had tried, but her world had been too recently thrown off its axis for her to be ready to listen to anyone. She'd been kind of a jerk if she was being honest with herself. She'd have to apologize later.

Rather than answer Alistair, Amira simply scooted over, as if to make room. It wasn't necessary really, they weren't likely to run out of ground anytime soon, but Alistair understood it for what it was: an invitation to join her. They sat in silence for a long moment. It wasn't uncomfortable exactly, but there seemed to be a current of something just under the surface. Like the air before a storm. "Here," Alistair said at last, breaking silence as he thrust his arm out to her. "Do you know what this is?"

Amira looked between the rose she was now holding and Alistair, then back and forth again. "Is that a trick question?" She asked slowly.  
  
"Yes, absolutely." He agreed so immediately Amira almost wondered if he'd just assumed she'd say 'a rose' and answered that reply without thinking. "I'm trying to trick you." His voice was mock serious, and he bumped his shoulder against her's when it got a giggle out of her. "Is it working?" He wiggled his eyebrows, and with his shoulder still pressed against her's Amira couldn't help laughing. "Aw just about had you didn't I?" He frowned at her for a moment before finally breaking, laughing along with her. She knew it wasn't that funny, but it felt so good to laugh... It made her feel lighter than she had the past few days. He always managed to make her feel lighter.  
  
"I picked it in Lothering" he explained once laughter had faded into small smiles. "I remember thinking: how could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness? I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The Darkspawn would come, and their taint would just destroy it. " He shrugged, a little self conscious, but grinning too as he let her in on this small, sentimental secret. "So I've had it ever since."  
  
Amira stared down at the stubborn little rose, smiling as she gently stroked one of the velvety petals. "That's lovely." She told him sincerely. That Alistair could find hope and beauty in something so small... It sent such a terrible surge of affection through her that she could barely stand it. It made her feel special that he'd share it with her.  
  
Amira tried to hand the rose back to him, but Alistair shook his head, wrapping his hands around her's to push the flower back to her. "I, ah," his voice grew soft, and he wouldn't quite meet her eye. Amira almost thought she saw a faint blush on his cheeks. "I thought I might give it to you actually. In a lot of ways... I think the same thing when I look at you."  
  
She stared at him for a long moment, trying to find the right words, but nothing wanted to come. "Thank you." She finally said simply, cradling the rose to her chest as if it was the most precious treasure she'd ever received.  
  
Alistair ducked his head, smiling a little at her reaction. "I'm glad you like it." He turned to look at her, his expression growing suddenly, subtly sad. "I was just thinking... Here I am doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly been having a good time of it yourself." Amira tried to protest, but Alistair just shook his head. "No I mean it. You've had none of the good experiences of being a Grey Warden since your Joining and I... I've been a terrible friend. You've listened to me talk about Duncan, and came with me to see my sister, and I didn't even know we were in your hometown. I wasn't there when that creep upset you over you mother... I never ask the right questions. Not the way you do." He sighed roughly, running a hand through his hair as he looked away from her. "I guess I just thought... Maybe I could say something." He punctuated 'something' with a sweeping gesture, frustration clear in the movement. "Tell you..." His frustration seemed to crumble into something softer, and more self-conscious as he looked at her again. "Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this darkness."  
  
Amira blinked, once, then twice, just staring at him. Alistair seemed to grow more nervous with each passing second. "Um, yeah, I'm-- I said something stupid didn't I? I'll just, uh..." He made as if to leave, but before he could get up Amira lurched forward, grabbing his arm. He stopped, first staring at the hand clutched in his shirt, and then at her face.  
  
"Don't go" she pleaded, sounding to herself somehow terribly small. "You didn't say anything stupid. That was probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."  
  
"Oh" he breathed, still staring at her.  
  
"Yeah." She knew he wasn't going to leave anymore, but she kept holding onto him anyway. "You aren't a terrible friend." She blurted out when the silence began to feel too much.  
  
"Hey now, you don't need to spare my ego." He said it like he was joking, but it was the sort of joke where he still meant it. The ones he put up like shields to hide the vulnerable bits of himself. She wondered if he knew she could tell the difference.  
  
"I'm not" she promised, trying to keep her tone light, but her heart was racing. "Maybe you don't always ask the right question, but..." Was she going to say too much? Show too much of the heart she'd so recently discovered was already his? But then, was she really alone in this? The way he'd talked about her... "You've always made me feel lighter. Everything we've done, everything we've seen. Maker it's so much more than I ever imagined I'd get. I was supposed to spend my whole life in that tower, and now I'm" Amira gestured around broadly as if it could encompass the entirety of everything that was their lives at this moment. It couldn't she knew, but neither could words, and this felt at least somehow closer to truth. "And it's beautiful and terrible and-and sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in it all. That's it's too much, and I'm not enough." Amira let out a shaky breath and gave a small, wobbly smile despite how hard it was to admit that she didn't feel like she was enough. She'd tried so hard to project an air of confidence, to act sure, to _be_ sure of herself. It always felt like Cassian would sense that smallest weakness in her, and she couldn’t afford that if she had to fight him every inch of this quest. "But you always manage to say something to pull me back. A joke or-or a silly comment or just, you're _you_ , and suddenly I'm on solid ground again." He looked utterly floored by her confession, and Amira looked away suddenly embarrassed. Once she'd begun it was just so easy to admit things to Alistair. He made her feel like she could say anything, be anything, and she'd be safe. "So... So you're a good friend." She finished lamely.  
  
"So you're the rose and I'm the dirt." Alistair said, after a long silence, shoulder pressed tight against her's once more. "Sounds about right."  
  
Amira laughed despite herself, but also because she thought she understood what he was really trying to say. "You're ridiculous." She said shaking her head, heart still beating wildly.

"Yeah." He agreed, smiling with a softness that made her breath catch. "But apparently that's why you like me."  
  
"You have other good points." She told him, leaning her head on his shoulder because she felt brave. "You probably have a whole two of them."

 

***

 

Amira wrung her hands nervously as she stood outside Zevran’s door at the inn. He shared it with Alistair, but she’d already asked him if he’d stay out of the room to let her talk to Zevran alone. He’d been reluctant, but had caved quickly to a bit of pleading. He was waiting for her to meet him down at the bar when she was done. Taking one last deep breath, Amira steeled herself and knocked on the door.

“I’m sorry.” Amira blurted out as soon as it opened, before Zevran could say anything.

“Hello to you too.” he said, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. He didn’t seem annoyed, which was good, but Amira was fairly certain keeping such things under wraps was probably something an assassin was supposed to be good at.

“Hi.” she said. “I was an ass, can I come in to talk?”

“Well with a preface like that how could I refuse?” He said in amusement, pushing off the doorframe and gesturing for her to enter. Amira went in, still feeling nervous as she sat herself down on what she thought was Alistair’s bed. “You wished to talk?” Zevran prompted after a long moment of silence.

“Yes.” Amira said with a nod. She took another breath before trying to explain herself. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like I thought less of my mother for what she did for money. I’m not ashamed of her… I just, I hate the thought that there are people out there who think of her like that man does. Like she was just a plaything or-or anything less than a person.” She smiled ruefully, looking down at her hands. “But I guess that says something about what I think of prostitutes too, doesn’t it?”

Amira looked up at Zevran. She couldn’t quite read the look on his face, and that made her nervous, but she kept going anyway. “You know when I was little I asked my mom how humans could call us knife ears. She told me it was because they had forgotten we were people.” She’d come home practically in tears after an older boy had thrown a rock at her, calling her a stupid knife ear. She hadn’t been doing anything to him, and couldn’t understand how someone could be that cruel for no reason. “When you forget someone’s a person, you can do anything to them.” Amira recited, remembering how sad and serious her mother had looked as she explained that. She could almost remember the feeling of her mother’s hand when she’d pushed her hair behind her ear. She remember promising them both that no matter what she’d never let herself forget anyone was a person. Amira didn’t feel like she’d quite lived up to that promise in the past few days. That wasn’t who she wanted to be.

“She sounds like she was lovely.”

“She was.” Amira agreed with a smile that was somehow both happy and sad. “You were right, it doesn’t matter what job she did. It doesn’t change who she was, and it's not something to be ashamed of. I hope you can forgive me for thinking it was.”

He stared at her for a long moment before laughing. “You are a very strange individual, my friend. Apologizing to the assassin who once tried kill you for hurting their feelings.” He shook his head. “Apology accepted, though it was unnecessary.”

“No it wasn’t.” Amira said, standing up. “Thanks Zev.”

 

***

 

It had been a little over a week since they had left Denerim, their various tasks completed though they'd not managed to get into the alienage as they'd hoped. The trail to finding Brother Genitivi and the Urn seemed to lead to lake Callenhad, and as reluctant as Amira was to face Irving again she knew it would be the ideal time to secrure the aid of the Kinloch Hold in fighting the Blight. Amira would happily avoid it just a little longer though, and so when the oportunity to help Dryden and claim Solider's Peak had presented itself she'd been all for it. Now, sitting alone on one of the balconies she could only think ruefully that all the trouble they'd gotten into was some kind of cosemic punishment for trying to avoid going home. Honestly taking back an old, long thought abandoned Grey Warden Keep should've been _simple_. Given recent events she wasn’t sure how she’d actually believed that, but just once it would be nice to go to do something without having to deal with the most absurd, dangerous circumstances she could never have bothered to imagine. 

“There you are.” Amira looked up to see Alistair standing in the doorway. “Was wondering where you’d disappeared off to.”

“Just needed a moment to breath I guess. It’s been a long… couple months.”

“Yeah.” Alistair settled down next to her, drawing his knees up toward his chest. “You know when you sign up for the Wardens they tell you about darkspwan. Oh those you know you’ll have to fight. Lots of darkspawn talk.” Alistair said gesturing around. “But they forget to mention the treason, the hordes of undead, the keep full of ancient untold horrors from beyond the fade... You’d think they’d include a bit about those in the welcome packet.”

“You got a welcome packet?” Amira asked, mock offended. Alistair chuckled, bumping his shoulder against her’s.

They sat in silence for a moment before Alistair asked, rather hesitant. “Will you miss it? When all this is over I mean?”

“What?”

“Oh you know the tragedy, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over us… _Cassian_. Will you miss it once it’s over?”

“I imagine we’ll still have things to fight.” Amira said with a shrug, and a grin, though she had a feeling there was more to his question than that. “Darkspawn at least, maybe not the rest of it.”

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But...that doesn’t mean we’ll necessarily be fighting them together…”

“Why not?” Amira asked sounding more distraught than she meant to let on. He was right of course, but Amira had never really considered such. Anytime Amira let herself imagine what was going to come next, what they’d do when ( _if_ , some dark part of her mind she tried to ignore, whispered) they won, Alistair was always part of it. She couldn’t remember when she’d stopped imagining a future that didn’t have him in it. “I mean why wouldn’t we be?” she said, looking away from him to stare at her shoes. “We’re still both going to be Grey Wardens. It makes more sense than not for us to stay together doesn’t it?”

Alistair let out a breath that sounded almost like laughter. “You’d miss me.” It wasn’t a question. He sounded happy about it, almost relieved. It gave Amira pause. Was that what he’d really been trying to ask? If she’d miss _him_ when all this was over?

“I don’t need to miss you if you don’t leave.” Amira suggested as she turned to look at him, her cheeks burning. “We’re in this together. That...that doesn’t end with the Blight does it?”

“No, no of course not.” He said quickly and Amira realized he was blushing too, only he didn’t have the advantage of a red complexion to hide it. He swallowed hard, looking away for a minute. “Amira I… This might sound strange, considering we haven’t known each other that long, but” He cleared his throat, almost sounding like he’d rehearsed this at some point. “I’ve come to care for you. A great deal, actually. I think maybe it’s because we’ve gone through so much together.” Amira opened her mouth to say something, but no words would come out. Alistair didn’t seem to notice as he kept going, his voice softer now. “I-I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe I’m fooling myself. Am I?” he turned to look at her, shy and soft and hesitant. “Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever... feel the same way about me?”

Amira couldn’t speak. Her mouth felt dry and her heart was racing and she had to do something quickly because every moment she waited to say something Alistair seemed to grow more nervous. Maker was she going to do this to this poor man every time he surprised her by saying something absolutely perfect? That seemed almost mean. Without letting herself think too much, worry too much, she leaned forward to kiss him. If she couldn’t find the right words, then she’d just have to show him right?

He seemed to freeze for a moment before catching up, and kissing her back. His hand reached up to cradle the back of her head, tangling in her hair. When they pulled apart, Amira couldn’t help smiling giddily. “So that’s a yes then?” Alistair asked, a little breathless. Amira laughed.

“That’s an ‘I already feel the same’” Amira clarified, darting forward to press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips because she could.

The hand that had been cradling the back of her head came to cup her cheek instead, his thumb tracing nonsense patterns along her cheekbone. Amira leaned into the touch. “Wow, okay, um. Good. Great.” He said, stumbling over his words, before stilling, looking at her in a way she couldn’t remember anyone ever looking at her in before. “Maker’s breath, but you are beautiful.” he breathed. “I am a lucky man.” And how could Amira not kiss him again after a comment like that?

 

***

 

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Morrigan choked out, her face a rather concerning shade of green.

Cassian looked at her worriedly. His hand rubbing her back in comfort, at the apparent nausea she was feeling. “Do you want me to get Wynne? She could probably make something for you.” Cassian asked concerned.

“No I think I’ll just make a poison and kill those two, then we'll never have to deal with _that_.” Morrigan said gesturing to where Amira and Alistair where sitting on a balcony below them, making out. Cassian grimaced as he watched them. Neither of them had very much finesse with the whole thing. His stomach churned slightly at the sight.

“Ugh, getting them together may not have been worth watching this. It’s embarrassing. What are they even doing with their hands? You know what, I don’t want to know.”

“Wait… did you just say that you _got them together_?!” Morrigan asked her voice raising slightly. Cassian eyes widened slightly at his slip up.

“Yes…” He answered quietly.

“Why. Why would you do that to me?” Morrigan asked affronted.

“It’s all part of a much larger plan. I promise you, before all of this is over they will no longer be together. This just needs to happen. It’s the only way they other thing I want to happen will come into play. Trust me.” Cassian said speaking quickly.

Morrigan’s eyes narrowed at Cassian’s response. “Very well. I trust you.” she turned to look down at the two wardens who seemed to have finally figured out what to do with their hands. She made a gagging noise. “I’m going inside to boil my eyes… and ears.” Morrigan added as an afterthought.

Cassian had an equally grossed out look on his face and nodded following her inside. “This better be worth it.” He muttered with one last look behind him.


	12. Haunted

Amira cooed at the little girl in her arms as she ran fascinated hands along Amira’s ears. The pointed tips seemed to be an endless source of wonder for the toddler. It was charming, but that didn’t make it any less hard not to wince as Rosie pulled on her hair for leverage.

“Alright Rosie Posie,” Jowan laughed, plucking the giggling child from her arms, and gently untangling grasping fingers with practiced ease “time to give Auntie her ears back. She needs those.” Jowan smiled, kissing his daughter on her forehead before settling her on his hip. “Thanks for making it out here Mira. I know how busy the Warden’s keep you. It means a lot that you make the time.”

 “Well how else am I supposed to properly spoil my only niece?” Amira said with a grin, absentmindedly fixing the section of hair Rosie had been pulling at. There was an easy peace to Jowan here that he had never had in the Circle, and it made Amira happier than she could express to see. The feeling that she was forgetting something niggled at the back of her mind though, and she rubbed her forehead as if to dismiss a headache.

“Something wrong?” Jowan asked in concern.

“Just... feeling off?” She said slowly, wrinkling her nose. “As if I’m forgetting something… Something to do with the Wardens? Maybe?” She felt strange. She hoped she wasn’t coming down with something; she’d hate to pass it on to Rosie. Children were so susceptible to illness at that age… Though, how old was Rosie exactly? She should know that shouldn’t she? So why couldn’t she seem to recall…

“Cheese.” Jowan said, breaking her chain of thought.

“What?”

 “The cheese, from our goats? You said you wanted to take some with you for Alistair. That must be what you’re forgetting.” Jowan explained, bouncing Rosie on his hip. It was strange to see him out of a Mage’s robes, but she must have seen it a million times by now. It had been years since Jowan had escaped the Circle with Lily after all.

 “Oh. Yes, right.” That must be it. What had Alistair told her once 'an unholy love of fine cheeses’? For some reason the memory of Alistair felt clearer than anything else at the moment.

 “I suppose you best be getting back to him then.” Jowan said, producing a wrapped package from somewhere, presumably the cheese they’d just been discussing. “It wouldn’t due to keep him waiting; perhaps next time you can bring him with you.”

 She should. He’d like it here: it was peaceful.

 

***

 

“There you are.” Alistair said with a grin, pushing himself off the tree he’d been leaning against.  "All done playing auntie?“

 "For now.” She laughed. That had certainly been a fast trip. She felt as if she’d been gone from Jowan’s house scarcely a moment. “I brought you something.” She said, pushing aside the strange thought.

 “A present? For me?” Alistair lit up as he peeked inside the little package. “And it’s cheese! See this is why you’re my favorite.” She laughed as he pulled her into a half hug, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “Well,” he said as he stowed the gift away in his pack “we best be going: Duncan wanted us to get to Redcliffe as soon as we could.”

 

***

 

The feeling that she was forgetting something was alleviated for a bit by Alistair’s presence, but it quickly returned with a persistence that Amira couldn’t shake. She decided firmly there was simply some task to take care of in Redcliffe that was slipping her mind, and would come to her when they reached the village. Sitting by the fire with Alistair’s arm wrapped around her, she let herself burrow further into the embrace, sighing happily. It was nice getting to just enjoy each other’s company like this, without Cassian making retching noises at their--

 Wait, who was Cassian?

 Amira sat up suddenly, her mind racing. She knew that name, she knew it, but she didn’t. The thought had come so naturally, that Cassian would be saying something about her and Alastair...

 “Amira?” Alistair asked in concern, but Amira ignored him, getting up to pace as the aching in her head worsened.. “Amira!” There was something desperate in his voice, but he felt far away now. It was as if Cassian was the key to the door she’d been fumbling around since Jowan’s. In an instant it all came rushing back to her: the tower, the demons, this--!!

 “This isn’t real.” She realized backing away from the creature wearing Alistair’s face. “I’m in the Fade.”

 The demon stilled, as if realizing there was no use in continuing the charade. “So? Would it be so terrible to live in a dream? I offer you everything you could ever want: your friend happy and free, an Order unmarred by betrayal, the freedom to travel with the Warden you’re so fond of at your side. Isn’t this better?” The words were honey sweet, and dangerously tempting but hearing them from Alistair’s mouth only served to remind her how wrong this world was. Alistair hated blood magic, deals with demons, and he put his foot in his mouth as often as he didn’t. It made when he said something unimaginably sweet all the more precious.

Amira took a deep breath, pulling her staff from where it was stowed at her back, and settling into a fighting stance.  _ 'This isn’t real’ _ she reminded herself, _ 'that isn’t Alistair.’  _ She took a deep breath. "No.”

 

***

 

In the wake of the fight Amira was grateful that no one was there to see her hands shaking. Fighting against Alistair, even just a demon wearing his face, had been deeply unsettling. To be forced to defend herself against, to  _ hurt  _ Alistair…. She was only grateful the body had disappeared once she killed it. She didn’t think she’d have been able stomach looking at his corpse even for a moment. Amira allowed herself a moment to just be: fear, and hopeless, and anger swirling together inside of her like a terrible hurricane of things she didn’t want to feel. But things that she needed to let herself feel lest she go mad from it all. And then she took a deep breath, stood up, and kept going. There was work to be done, friends (and whatever Cassian was) to find, and yet another demon to kill.

 

***

 

Amira found herself in what looked to be an Alienage. Only it was bigger than the one she knew,  _ much  _ bigger. She was on some sort of roof, and stretching before her was miles and miles of homes that were probably occupied by elves. At the very center of it all was an enormous palace. She’d never seen anything like this. It was mind blowing. She heard laughter behind her and turned to see Cassian sitting at the edge of the roof with another woman. She approached the two of them unsure how to proceed. 

Upon hearing her approach Cassian and the woman stood up and turned to face her. Amira was shocked to see that the other woman was the spitting image of Cassian, they had the same eye and hair colour, they both had striking jawlines and cheekbones. The only immediate difference she could see was the Cassian's skin was slightly more greyish then the woman's which was a bit more blue.

“Ah, Amira, so lovely for you to join us. This is my mother Adaia, mother, this is Amira the rather frustrating Warden I was telling you about earlier.” Cassian was looking at his mother with absolute adoration. Amira was surprised, she’d never seen Cassian look so happy, perhaps not even with Morrigan. She also noticed that the tips of his ears where no longer cut off.

Adaia gave Amira a slight nod in acknowledgement. “So you’re the one who's been trying to keep my son from getting into to much trouble. Such a shame, Cassian you can achieve anything, don’t let this girl keep you from your goals.”

“Of course mother.” Cassian said nodding.

Oh, so that’s where he gets all of that from. So much of Cassian was suddenly more understandable after meeting his mother. Nonetheless she needed to get him to realize that this wasn’t real. “Cassian, this isn’t your mother, the sloth demon is tricking you. You need to wake up, we have to kill it!”   
  
Cassian cocked his head slightly and fixed her with a stare, saying nothing.

“How dare you say such a thing! Cassian failed to mention what a poor liar you are.” Adaia sneered at Amira her face twisting angrily.

“Cassian look at me! She not real, none of this is real.” Amira said desperately hoping Cassian would remember, but knowing most likely he would pick his family over her. 

“Son! Don’t listen to her! Quickly! Draw your blade and we shall end her toge- _ hurck-”  _ Cassian’s blade punched through the back of her head and withdrew quickly. Adaia, or whatever monster pretending to be her crumpled to the floor dead.

“You… you believed me?” Amira said in disbelief.

“Yeah, I knew that wasn’t my mother the moment I saw her.”

“But, how?” Amira asked confused. Alistair had believed his illusion and she hers for a while.

“Things to rarely turn out how you want them Amira. Besides.... I think I want different things now.” Cassian said this last part sadly, he turned and looked out at the cityscape before him. Then just like Alistair, he faded away.

Amira sighed, hopefully she could find Morrigan and together they could figure a way out of this place.

 

***

 

Taking the Litany off of Niall’s body was difficult. It seemed so terribly wrong that just moments before they’d been able to speak in the Fade and now he was just… gone. He’d deserved better, and Amira tried not to wonder what would be different if they’d been here sooner. If she hadn’t tried to avoid this place for so long out of shame. Alistair seemed to notice her distress, and took her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze before pressing a kiss against the top of her head. She smiled, it didn’t change anything, but she appreciated the thought all the same. As Alistair turned away Amira realized Wynne was staring at them intently. Amira tried not to squirm like an apprentice caught out past curfew.

“Let’s get going.” Amira said, both eager to get to Irving, and to escape Wynne’s gaze.

There were still more rooms to fight through before they could reach the Harrowing chamber, but the threats were nothing compared to the Sloth demon. She really shouldn’t have started getting so over confident. The world had a terrible habit of throwing it in her face anytime she thought she was starting to get a grasp on a situation. 

The final room before the Harrowing chamber was the most horrific one yet. Blood and gore and some terrible arcane manipulation of both lined the walls, but it was none of that, that had Amira gasping and sprinting into the room. “Cullen!” she cried horrified, running toward the glowing cage that trapped one of the few friends she’d had in the Circle when she left. He was shaking and on his knees, but alive at least.

“This trick again.” He laughed bitterly, looking at her with bloodshot eyes. His mouth twisted in a scowl as he looked at her, and for a moment she almost didn’t recognize him. He had never looked at her with anything but kindness before. “I know what you are, and it won’t work! I will stay strong.” She wasn’t sure if the last part was for her or for him.

“Cullen? Don’t you recognize me?” she asked, her voice trembling just a bit as she sunk to her knees so she could speak to him at eye level. How was she going to bring down this shield, she wondered. Whatever magic it was, was terribly powerful.

“Only too well.” He sounded pained, and then as if he was speaking only to himself, though it was loud enough for them all to hear. “How far they must have delved into my thoughts…”

“The boy is exhausted, and this cage… I’ve never seen anything like it.” Wynne turned to Cullen then, trying to sooth him with gentle reassurances that help had arrived.

“Enough!” he cried, still refusing to look at them. “Enough visions! If anything in you is human… kill me now and stop this game. You broke the others, but I will stay strong. For my sake. For theirs...” Was that what painted the walls? The other Templars who had sought the Harrowing chamber? The ones who’d tried to stop this instead of barricading themselves away? And Cullen had seen it all. Amira was horrified beyond words.

“Oh Cullen, I’m so sorry.” She pressed a hand against the glowing wall trapping him, wishing she could offer her friend more comfort than this.

But her attempts seemed to only make things worse as he curled in on himself further. “Sifting through my thoughts. Tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have. Using my shame against me, my ill advised infatuation with her… a mage of all things!” He seemed to grow angrier with himself as he went on, but Amira could only gape as the implication of what he’d just confessed hit her. He didn’t think she was real, because the demons had already been using her against him. The very idea cut her deep enough that she almost didn’t register that the feelings he spoke of went deeper than friendship. There were more important things to worry about than that. His safety was more important than that. “I am so tired of these cruel jokes...these tricks...these…” 

He was crying, Amira realized, horrified and heartbroken. How long had they had him here like this? How many times had he thought she’d come to help him only for it to be a lie? “Cullen it’s real. I’m real this time, I promise. I came back.” She didn’t know how to make him believe her. What could she offer that a demon digging through his mind wouldn’t know just as well?

“Silence!” he cried, standing up suddenly. Cullen loomed over her now, even if it was through the a glowing wall, and for just a fraction of a moment she was afraid of him. “I’ll not listen to anything you say! Now begone!” There was a moment of silence as he stared at her continued presence, growing visibly more confused with each passing moment. “Still here? But that’s always worked before. I close my eyes but you are still here when I open them.”

Amira stood slowly, as if trying to keep from startling a skittish animal. “I’m no demon” she said softly, trying to sound reassuring.

“You can’t blame me for being wary.” he said desperation clinging to him. He still eyed her like he thought she might at any moment sprout horns and prove herself another masquerading demon. “Why did you return to the tower? Why come this far?”

“How can you ask me that?” Amira said disbelievingly. “If I’d known what was going on here I’d-- Maker, I would have been here so much sooner, Cullen. This was my  _ home _ .”

“As it was _mine_. And look what they’ve done to it! They caged us like animals, looked for ways to break us. I’m the only one left.” He seemed to deflate at that, as if he’d finally started to accept that this wasn’t another trick. They were here and they were real. “They turned some into monsters ” he said quietly. “There was nothing I could do.”  

“I know.” Amira reassured softly. If there had been anything Cullen could have done, she knew nothing would have kept him from it. “We’re going to end this” she promised. “We just need to find Irving and then--”

“You can’t save them!” Cullen yelled in disbelief, something in her tone giving voice to her plans. Or maybe he just knew her well enough to guess what she'd do. “You don’t know what they’ve become!”

“We have to  _ try _ ” Amira argued, a tinge of desperation to her words. “If we can’t save Irving Greagoir will invoke the Right of Annulment!

“Good!”

Amira stepped back as if slapped. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What?”

“They can’t be trusted! Irving can not be trusted!”

“Irving wouldn’t break!” Not Irving, never Irving. She knew him better than that. Maybe they hadn’t parted on the best of terms, maybe he’d washed his hands of her, but she still knew him. He was still… he was still the only father she’d ever known. Amira couldn’t believe anything, and certainly not Uldred, would break him.

“They’ve been surrounded by blood mages! Their wicked fingers snake into your mind, and corrupt your thoughts… None of them can be trusted. You have to end it, now, before it’s too late!” 

“I’d be condemning everyone to death.” She said, as if in a vain hope that he just didn’t understand the situation somehow. That if she just explained the right way, he wouldn’t be saying these things. “Not just whoever is in there, everyone who escaped the slaughter. There are apprentices, Cullen,  _ children _ .”

“Are you really saving anyone by taking this risk? To ensure this horror is ended, to guarantee no blood mages live, everyone must die.”

“You can’t be serious.” There were tears in her eyes, she realized, trying to blink them away. “Cullen this isn’t you. I know you, you’re my friend, you’d never--”

“That was before! I was naive to think we were too hard on you." She remembered when he told her that, they'd been in library. She'd been having a rough few days, worrying over her Harrowing. He'd snuck her something to eat because she'd been so wrapped up in her studying she'd missed dinner fot the third time that week. He'd been trying to convince her to just go sleep, that no good would come of running herself ragged. "Who, but a mage has this kind of power? This destruction- this-- Just one could influence the mind of a king! Of a Grand Cleric! They need to die! All of them!”

“And me?" she couldn't help asking quietly. "I’m a mage too, or have forgotten that?”

It was the first of her questions that actually seemed to shake him, and he looked away. “You haven’t been up there.” he said softly. “You haven’t been under their influence.”

“I won’t condemn everyone to death out of fear. I can’t.”

“I’m just willing to see the painful truth which you are content to ignore." He told her tiredly, but his expression turned sneering as he gestured at his cage. "But clearly I’m in no position to stop you”

“I’m inclined to agree with the Templar.” Cassian said quietly. “Unlike you he has actually seen what has been happening here. It would be wise for us to take his advice.” 

“Cassian I swear to the Maker and Andraste herself if you suggest killing the mages one more time I will shove my staff so far up your ass you will choke on it.” she choked out, too angry and tired to be anything close to polite.

“Your stubbornness and morals will be your undoing Amira. I will not fight you on this, you still have the numbers advantage.” Cassian said referring to earlier when they had first entered the Circle. The only reason Cassian and Morrigan hadn’t killed a group of apprentices was because they were outnumbered with Amira and Alistair siding with the remaining mages. “Just remember that what happens after here is your responsibility.”

“Noted” she growled in a tone that made it sound more like _'go fuck yourself.'_ She turned back to Cullen, still on edge, but different. She was gentler toward him though no less firm in her resolve. As horrified as she was by what he’d suggested, it was hard to be truly furious with him when he looked so broken down and defeated. He'd been tortured and capative for what could have been days, he wasn't thinking straght (she wanted to believe that, she needed to believe that.) Cassian had no such excuse. “We’ll find a way to get you out once Uldred is dead” she promised.

“My cage is Uldred’s doing, or one of his mages’. Once they are dead I’ll be free.”

She nodded, and turned away. “Let’s go.” she said softly to the group.

“Maker turn his gaze on you.” Cullen said bitterly as she walked away. “I pray your compassion hasn’t doomed us all.” Amira tried not to flinch. Condemnation didn’t mean much to her coming from Cassian, they’d not agreed on anything since practically the day they met, but Cullen… Cullen was her friend. He was the Templar who’d smiled, and laughed with her, who’d treated her like a person. The one who’d admitted in a quiet library that sometimes he thought they were too hard on the mages. That condemnation meant something coming from him, but no matter what the risk… She needed to be able to live with herself when this was over. She needed to know she had _tried_.

 

***

 

“Ah Irving, it is good to see you alive and well.” Greagior said clearly pleased that his old friend had survived the ordeal. 

“It was not easy my old friend, but we survived and together we shall rebuild the circle, stronger than it was before. I shall not let this incident happen again.” Irving spoke, his voice weak from the battle with Uldred, but there was still that strength beneath it that Amira had always respected. She was happy that this had worked out.

“Not so fast.” Annnd  _ of course _ Cassian was going to try and ruin it all. She was going to to kill him. Or at least bludgeon him a little. 

“Grey Warden, do you have a concern?” Knight-Commander Greagior asked, looking to him curiously.

“No, he dosen’t.” Amira said through gritted teeth, shooting him a pointed look.

“I will not be scolded like a child Amira, I will speak, for all our sakes.” Cassian said circling around behind her and stepping closer the Greagior, his hands clasped behind his back in that annoyingly proper way. “According to the one called Cullen the mages that were in the tower where exposed to blood magic for hours. We have no idea how far the corruption goes. To let them be free would be perhaps a greater danger than the original problem. They need to be watched, more closely than allowing them to simply live in the Circle. I suggest a quarantine or constant observation until the is no question over whether they have been corrupted.”

“I agree with Tabris, we must guarantee that this horror has ended.” Cullen added throwing his support behind Cassian. Amira couldn’t help looking at him betrayed. He wouldn’t met her gaze, staring pointedly at the Knight-Commander.

“What!? How can you say this? Irving and the others are fine. We killed Uldred and the abominations. What you’re suggesting to lock the remaining mages up and watch them like caged animals is inhuman! I won’t stand for it.” Amira protested.

“Perhaps it would have been more merciful to have killed them flat out. You are too close to this Amira, and your love for your people blinds you to what must be done.” Cassian argued giving her a pointed look. “Nonetheless, Knight-Commander, I will of course defer to your judgement. You are the expert here.” 

Greagior was quiet for a moment weighing his options. “Lock them up. If any of them show signs of corruption or blood magic kill them immediately.

Amira made to protest, but Irving put a hand on her shoulder and shook is head. She looked to him pleadingly. “That is enough Amira, the Knight-Commander has made his decision. I will follow it. Now it is time for you to move on.” Irving said kindly, as if she was still one of his students. Amira bit back a rather unkind comment about his continued willingness to bend to the chantry’s every whim; perhaps that was why so many had felt helpless enough to turn to blood magic. She knew she was angry, and knew it wasn’t fair to blame him, but Amira couldn’t help still being a little bitter. Finally, she nodded and allowed him and the other mages to be led away.

“And so the great Circle of Magi falls… for now. Mages are not so easily controlled it would appear.” Morrigan spoke in an amused tone, clearly pleased that Cassian was able to maneuver the outcome of this ordeal into one that was more inline with what she had originally wanted.

“Your companion speaks with great wisdom, the same thought crosses my mind often.” 

Amira scoffed at Greagior. It was Cassian who chose to respond before she said something ill advised. “Yes she is very wise.” This was said with an almost smugly. 

“Why thank you.” Morrigan responded with a smirk. Amira couldn’t believe this, she and Cassian were treating this like it was some sort of game that they’d won. These were real people, they were more than just weapons, or sheep who could not stand up for themselves. They where her family, and they didn't deserve to be punished for something that was done to them as much as it had been done to the Templars. Amira’s fists clenched tightly with a feeling of complete helplessness. Even with her new powers and status as a Warden she still lacked the power to change anything. She was still just a mage who was to do as the Templars willed. For a moment Amira was sorely tempted to inform Greagior that Morrigan was an apostate of questionable talents, but dismissed the thought. No matter how angry she was at them she wouldn’t sink to that.

“We will form a stronger Circle, and we will not allow these mistakes to be repeated. The mage Wynne has asked to accompany you on your journeys. If you wish it she may join you. That being said I suggest you leave, we have much work to do. But do not fear Wardens the Templars with assist you against the Blight.” With that Greagior turned and left. 

Morrigan and Cassian walked off, most likely to do some last minute trading before they left to find the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Amira watched Morrigan put her hand on Cassian’s shoulder and heard her whisper “Good job.” in his ear as they walked off. Amira’s eyes narrowed, she’d never imagined hating anyone this much, but the longer she was forced in their company the harder it was to pretend they had any redeeming qualities. Alistair and Wynne walked up behind her. 

“I’m sorry that they did that, it was cruel.” Alistair said quietly, kissing her on the top of her head. Amira let herself lean against him drawing comfort from his presence, and he wrapped an arm around her in response.

Wynne nodded her agreement. “We saved them, there was nothing wrong with those mages. The Templars will see soon enough and this will be all over.”   
  
Amira smiled sadly, wishing she could believe that as firmly as Wynne did. Even if she couldn’t she was grateful for the support. “Come on, we should get ready to go. This still isn’t over yet.” Before they went further though she reached forward taking Wynne’s hands and squeezing them tightly. “I’m glad you’ll be coming with us Wynne. It’ll be nice to have another sane sort along for it all.”

With that they all prepared to leave the Circle, ready to face their next challenge. Amira could feel eyes on her as she made the last of her preparations, and turned to find Cullen watching her from some distance. For a moment she considered going to speak to him, but what could she say to him that hadn’t already been said? In the end, she simply turned away, and left without another word.

 

***

 

“So you and that Templar, Cullen, huh?” Alistair offered out of nowhere, sounding strange. It was just the two of them sitting by the campfire. Wynne had recruited Leliana in her new found mission to keep Basil fresh smelling and Zeveran had followed after them like he thought it might end up a spectator sport. Morrigan and Cassian were off doing… something. She rather not speculate what they did with their alone time. She was just going to be grateful she didn’t have to deal with either of them at the moment. Amira wasn’t certain she’d be able to keep from attacking them if they made any more comments about the tower. Sten had wandered off, but she’d stopped worrying about that after the first couple weeks. It was too exhausting to get worked up thinking he’d run off on them every time he disappeared. Sten always came back and never went off too far, so why worry?

“What?” It took her a minute to figure out what he meant. In all the excitement of keeping Uldred from turning anyone else into an abomination, talking Greagoir down from slaughtering the rest of the tower, talking  _ Cassian  _ down from slaughtering the rest of the tower, and then watching all her work cut off at the knee when the mages were  _ still  _ punished for someone else’s crime…! Well in all that, Cullen’s unintentional confession had completely slipped her mind. Now it came back in a rush, and Amira felt herself flushing. “Oh- no, we weren’t, I mean, we never–” It wasn’t like her, stumbling over her words like this, and that was almost as embarrassing as the topic at hand. The truth of the matter was Cullen had completely blindsided her. To think she’d never noticed his feelings for her (feelings that were apparently deep enough that a desire demon would try to use them to tempt him.) She felt like an idiot. She wished she could comfort herself by saying he’d simply done an exceedingly good job of hiding it, but in retrospect it was rather obvious, and suddenly a few conversations she’d overheard made significantly more sense. Oh Maker someone had even told her once that they’d heard he was in love with her, hadn’t they? At the time she’d simply dismissed it as idle gossip. It was rare for a mage and Templar to be on good terms, of course people would sensationalize it further, imagining their friendship to be some torrid love affair. No one gossiped quite so well as Circle mages after all. “I had no idea he thought of me that way.”

Burying her face in her hands Amira completely missed the look that crossed Alistair’s face at her pronouncement: some strange mix of pleasure, and rueful sympathy. It was gone by the time she peeked back up at him. “Oh, from the way he went on, and well, you didn’t act surprised about it, I thought you two must have been involved. Or at least very pointedly  _ not  _ involved.”

The only fantasies she’d ever entertained that featured Cullen were the ones where she became First Enchanter. In her vision of the future he was always her Knight-Commander counterpart, and together they’d do their best to create a happier, more open Circle while still ensuring safety for all. It had always been a lovely day dream, and perhaps the only one that she felt she could really make happen with enough work. Oh, how things changed. Amira tried not shudder as she wondered if Cullen would ever again be the gentle, soft spoken Templar she’d once known.

“I think I was too worried about him to really register what he was admitting” she confessed softly. Amira felt the need to clarify: “We’re friends. Or at least, we used to be.” Amira wasn’t sure she could still count him as a friend after he’d argued for the Circle’s annulment. He’d been through an ordeal, she knew that, but the bone deep fear she’d felt when he insisted the other mages needed to die…

Their friendship had been something of an anomaly. Most Templars kept their distance from the mages, ever present and ever watching, but silent as a tomb unless you were being reprimanded. Most apprentices would never have tried to befriend a Templar anyway. Yet somehow they’d managed to fall into a friendship more or less by accident. “It never even crossed my mind he might want more, I mean, his vows…”

“I hate to break it to you,” Alistair cut in, sounding amused “but just because Templar boys aren’t supposed to be having, ah” he cleared his throat awkwardly as if he hadn’t fully thought this through before he’d started and was suddenly regretting his comment just a bit “relations, doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about it. Not that the sisters don’t do a very thorough job of instilling that such things topple civilization, mind.”

“I suppose you would know.” She teased back, leaning a still flushed cheek on her hand. Joking with Alistair had quickly become one of the few things that kept her sane in this entire mad mess. She smiled faintly at him for a moment before sighing softly. “I just can’t believe I never noticed. I feel so foolish.”

“Maybe just a little.” He teased, and Amira swatted him lightly on the shoulder. “No, no don’t hit me, I bruise easily.” He laughed. “I just mean you’re a beautiful woman, it’s not that far fetched to think someone would fall for you.”

Amira couldn’t help smiling at him. “You think I’m beautiful, huh?” He’d said something similar when they’d first admitted their feelings for one another, but she didn’t think she’d ever stop feeling just a little bit fluttery every time he said it. No one had ever made her feel the way Alistair had: precious, and protected and valued. Maybe it was too soon, but she was truly starting to think she might love him.

“Oh come on, you know you’re beautiful.” He said it with a casual conviction, like it was a truth so plainly obvious it was redundant to say aloud. “and clever and brave and lots of other complimentary things I’m sure you’d hurt me for not saying.”

“You’re the only one who’s ever called me beautiful.” She admitted without thinking, and if she thought she’d been blushing before, it was nothing compared to now. She supposed she should be thankfully for a naturally red complexion. He probably wouldn’t even notice. Maybe. She hoped. “I’d never hurt you.” She added.

“Nor I you.” He responded his voice sounding deeper than she’d ever heard before; it did funny things to her stomach. “Has no one else really ever told you that before?” He added after a moment sounding much more like the Alistair she knew.

Amira shook her head, fiddling with the edge of her tunic. “Circle Mages aren’t really encouraged to…” what was a delicate way to put it “mingle. Not that it stops well, anyone, really, in the long run.” In her experience Circle mages tended towards extremes for the most part: either you didn’t risk bending the rules by fooling around, or you were unrepentantly promiscuous; she happened to fall into the former category. It wasn’t an universal truth by any means, but real, committed relationships were rare. “Falling in love was a liability.” By the time she realized what she’d added absentmindedly it was too late to take it back.

“Why?” He asked quietly.

She remembered asking something similar to one of the older apprentices when she was in her early teens, somewhere between fairy stories and romance novels. “‘Because then they have something they can take from you’” she quoted, thinking of the boy with sad eyes whose name she couldn’t remember anymore, thinking of Lily and Jowan, thinking even of Cullen. She shook her head, trying to banish the painful musings. “I think maybe that’s why I never noticed Cullen’s feelings.” She said, bringing them back to their original topic and half realizing it herself as she spoke. “It was easier just not to think about romance at all, than dwell on not being able to have it.”  And there was always the looming threat of the Harrowing hanging over her as an apprentice if one needed a distraction. She was lucky she’d actually liked studying. For all the trouble it caused though, she wouldn’t trade her magic for anything. It was a part of her and she could no more imagine herself without it than she could imagine having those flat human ears.

“Well,” Alistair said hesitantly, not looking at her, and instead staring up at the starry skies above. “You’re not in the Circle anymore are you?”

Amira blinked, and thought of all the things she’d done that she’d never imagined getting to experience: sleeping under the stars, picking windflowers just because they were there. “No,” she said, something warm and hopefully settling into her bones “I’m not.” Amira reveled in the feeling of freedom the thought gave her, before her smile turned teasing. “Alistair...were you jealous?”

Alistair spluttered, and Amira laughed.


	13. Dungeon Crawl

Amira didn’t know why anything surprised her anymore. Of course there would be a cult of dragon worshippers who thought their dragon was Andraste reborn between them and the Urn of Sacred Ashes. That made as much sense as anything else they’d dealt with since this had all started after all. After fighting their way through cultists, dragonlings, and an actual fucking dragon Amira was more than ready to be done with this whole thing. So of course there was a glowing, armored warrior standing between them and the doorway into the Temple that held the Urn.

Things seemed to pick up for a moment when he insisted he had no interest in fighting them. Of course then he mentioned a “Gauntlet” to prove their worthiness and Amira was on guard once more. Really when was she going to learn: nothing was ever going to be easy.

“Well let’s face this gauntlet then.” Amira said, utterly done with all this.

“Before you go, there is something I must ask.” He looked over them all as he continued. “I see the path that led you here was not easy. There is suffering in your pasts, your suffering, and the suffering of others.” His sweeping examination of their group ended, and suddenly his eyes were locked on her. “Jowan was discovered by the templars. You were helping him.” The Guardian gave her a long, measured look; Amira tried not to look startled. “Tell me, do you think you failed Jowan?”

There was no way he should have known that, Amira thought quickly, any of that. “How do you know about that?” Amira asked, her voice steadier than her heart.

“Your path is laid out before me, and plain to see-- in the lines of your face and the scars on your heart. Do you believe you failed Jowan?”

If he knew so much already why would he need to ask-- He already knew the answers, Amira realized with a start. Was this part of the test then? To see if they’d answer truthfully? Whether it was or not it wasn’t worth taking such a risk by lying. “Yes.” Amira admitted. She could feel the eyes of the others on her, and tried not to wonder what they were thinking, after all they’d seen Jowan do. Well, really it was just Leliana she wondered about. She didn’t much care what Cassian or Morrigan thought of her. “If I’d been faster, or… there must have been something more I could have done, some way I could have saved him. Saved them both.” She heard Cassian make a snide noise behind her, and ignored him.

“Thank you, that is all I wished to know.” He turned to Cassian now. “And you? By the time you reached Shianni she was broken, brutalized. You were too late. Tell me, pilgrim, did you fail Shianni?”

Amira resisted the urge to stare Cassian down, praying he would come to the same conclusion she had about these questions, and answer honestly.

“No.” Cassian said this flatly with no emotion, his face a blank slate. Well at least he answered the question Amira thought of course he never made anything _easy_.

“Very well. You know your own heart.” That was… a better reaction than she’d hoped for. Maybe these questions didn’t matter as much as she’d feared. Or, it would all come back to bite them later. Probably that one, that seemed more in line with the general sequence of events they tended to face.

It was Leliana’s turn next. “Why do you say the Maker speaks to you, when all know that the Maker has left. He spoke only to Andraste. Do you believe yourself her equal?”

“I never said that” Leliana replied quickly, sounding hurt “I--”

“In Orlias you were someone. In Lothering you feared you would lose yourself. Become a drab sister, and disappear. When your brothers and sisters of the cloister criticized you for what you professed, you were hurt, but you also reveled in it. It made you special. You enjoyed the attention, even if it was negative.” Amira tried not to stare. Was the guardian offended by Leliana? Because compared to the way he’d questioned herself and Cassian this seemed downright hostile.

“You’re saying that I made it up for-for the _attention_. I did not. I know what I believe.”

Without another word he turned to Morrigan. Amira stepped to stand by Leliana, laying a hand on her arm. Leliana looked at her pleadingly, as if trying to ask without words whether or not she too thought the guardian was right. With a small smile she hoped was comforting, Amira squeezed her arm and mouthed _‘I believe you.’_ It seemed to put Leliana at ease, for which Amira was glad.

Morrigan refused to answer the Guardian’s question. She didn’t even let him finish asking it. And with that they were off, onto to the first challenge of the Gauntlet.

 

***

 

“Have fun with the riddle game?” The spirit wearing Jowan’s face asked as they entered the next room of the gauntlet. Amira thought she felt her heart stop at the sight. “You always liked riddles.”

“You’re not Jowan.” Amira said, letting out a pained breath. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to dissuade the spirit or remind herself.

It laughed, it was a good laugh, Jowan’s laugh. She didn’t think she’d ever get to hear that sound again. The thought made her heart ache. “I didn’t think I’d fool you.” It sounded pleased. “But am I really a spirit? Or is this all in your mind? Are you in the Fade, perhaps? Honestly I don’t know.” It-- he (it hurt too much to think of the spirit as an it, even if they weren’t really Jowan) shook his head. “I am part of the gauntlet. I am Jowan. I am you.” He gestured toward her at that. “All of these statements are true.”

“And what is your purpose here?” Amira asked softly, though she thought she already knew.

“To speak to you, and to offer advice.” He smiled at her sadly. “You have wondered, many times, if what happened to me was your doing. Perhaps if we’d taken another route, or been more prepared, things would be different.” He shook his head, crossing his arms in a gesture that was so familiar and Jowan that she had to remind herself again that this wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. “But it is too easy to obsess over ‘what if’ and ‘what could have been.’ These thoughts will eat away at you if you let them. Forgive yourself, Mira, just as you have forgiven me.”

He stepped forward, and took her hand in his, her palm facing up. She let him, still too taken off guard by his words to be wary. When she’d seen this not-Jowan she’d been sure he was here to stoke the fire of her guilt. She hadn’t been expecting absolution. “I have something for you.” He pressed the amulet into her hand, covering it with his own so that her hand was encased by both of his. When they’d been little she’d marveled at how small her own hands had seemed compared to Jowan’s. It had always made him laugh. “Use it well. It makes me happy, knowing you will be the mage that I never could.” Amira clutched the pendent hard enough to hurt as he disappeared.

Amira tried not to stare at the space the not-Jowan had once occupied as Leliana laid a hand on her shoulder. It was easier when they heard from behind them “Hello cousin.” Whirling around there was a red haired elven woman Amira had never seen before. Cassian it seemed, knew who she was however.

Cassian cocked his head to the side as the woman walked towards him, she entered his personal space, but Cassian made no move to step back. His face was unreadable, he was waiting for the woman to make the first move.

“It’s good to finally see your face again. Do your ears still hurt?” She asked her voice laced with concern.

“Are you here to ask me a riddle?” Cassian responded instead.

“No, I just want to talk. Life away from the Alienage has been good for you, you are respected, even among humans. Do you even remember us, where you came from, what some of us still face every day? You don’t feel much anymore when you remember that day do you? I envy that you were able to get out, move on with life.”

Cassian continued to watch her, his face blank. Amira was pretty sure Cassian would never answer and they’d be stuck here forever. “I remember blood and pain, two things in my life that have been pretty constant since that day. I stand by what I said to the Guardian, Shianni, I did not fail you. The Alienage did. There were others yet none tried to save you, or me for that matter. We are both products of that day, I feel nothing because I choose to empty myself of that day and everything with it. But you my cousin, you feel so much and it is what makes you so smart and wonderful. That day will be with us forever, but we do not need it to be who we are. You will rise to more, of that I have no doubt. Now please be gone.” Cassian said the last part in almost a whisper.   
  
Shianni gave him a smile and faded away, now just a memory of a memory. Morrigan walked up behind him and put her hand on his back in comfort. Cassian reached up and held it for a moment. “We should move on.” Morrigan finally said to the rest of the group. Amira and Leliana nodded and Cassian squeezed her hand in response. Truer words had never been spoken.

 

***

Amira heard the flames before she saw them. Crackling loudly they stretched from one end of the room to another, creating a wall between them and a grand staircase that Amira could just barely make out past the flames. The stairs seemed to lead to dais of some kind, and Amira realized with a start that this was the final room of their trials. Just in front of the fire sat a stone altar, and Amira stepped forward to examine it. Beneath what had to be centuries of dust there was an inscription.

“Cast off the trappings of worldly life, and cloak yourself in the goodness of spirit. King and slave, lord and beggar; be born anew in the Maker’s sight.” Amira recited aloud, brushing away some of the dust from the stone altar. Staring into the wall of flames before them, the answer came to Amira almost instantly. This was a test of faith. According to the Chantry Andraste had been returned to the Maker’s side by fire, and so to be born anew was to pass through fire. The casting off of worldly trappings… With the nonchalance of one who’d spent the majority of their life sharing living quarters with at least a dozen others people, Amira began to strip down her armor putting it into a neat pile on the alter.

“Amira, what are you doing?” Leliana asked sounding deeply concerned about Amira’s wardrobe change. Amira paused, turning to look at the rest who were all staring at her in various levels of confusion or embarrassment.

“You heard the inscription.” Amira said like it should be obvious. “Cast off your trappings” she quoted. They all kept staring at her, and Amira sighed before explaining herself. “We have to take off our clothes and walk through the fire.”

“Good plan, we’ll” Cassian gestured toward himself and Morrigan “stay right here. Where it’s not on fire.”

“Fine. Sure. You do that.” she said, rolling her eyes, and went back to undressing. She didn’t have the energy to deal with Cassian right now. If he wanted to wait and see if she burned to a crisp then fine. She’d just show them it was safe. Once she was down to her underthings Amira made her way toward the wall of fire. She could feel immense heat coming off of them: the flames felt real from where she stood. Unflinchingly, and without hesitation, Amira walked into the fire.

She didn’t burn.

As she turned back to the others to confirm that she was fine, that the flames had done no more than tickle a bit against her skin and they could come through, the guardian appeared. Apparently only one of them had needed to pass through the fire, as now the flames ebbed away, leaving no evidence that the room once burned. They had earned the right to take a small bit of the ashes with them, the Guardian said, though with far more pomp and circumstance. Amira smiled, letting out a relieved breath, after all the fighting they’d had to do to reach this place, the actual series of tests had been surprisingly light on violence. It was a nice change, not to have to fight their way out of a place for once.

 

***

 

“I never dreamed I would lay my eyes on the Urn of Sacred Ashes- I -I h-h-have no words to express…” Leliana said, truly at a loss for words.

“I stand in _awe_ , really.” Morrigan contributed her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Cassian smirked at the comment moving to circle around to the backside of the Urn eyeing it carefully. Amira moved to take some of the ashes from it while Leliana starting talking about what this would mean for the Chantry. How it would change everything. Cassain’s brow furrowed at that, this would not do. He reached into his pocket and slowly removed the dragon's blood he had stolen off of Kolgrim’s body. Morrigan saw the movement and tightened her grip on her staff ready to cover him if Amira or Leliana tried anything.

“Truly, this will change everything, the Maker’s word with spread farther, we’ll be able to help so many people with Andraste’s ashes- NO!” Leliana shouted as Cassian dumped the dragon's blood into the Urn defiling its magical properties. “You- how could you?” Leliana asked shocked.

“The whole point of faith is to believe without proof. Or am I forgetting what faith is?” Cassian said looking to Morrigan who shook her head no. “Thought so.”

“I will not simply walk away from what you have done.” Leliana lunged at Cassian, Amira barely caught her, picking her up off the ground to keep her from attacking Cassian. Between Leliana’s struggling, and her advantage in height over Amira it didn’t look an easy task keeping her back. Morrigan raised her staff, its end glowing, ready to strike if the need came.

“Yes you will, what is the point of any faith if there is fact to back it up? The existence of these ashes will be used as an excuse for the Chantry to do horrible acts all over Thedas simply because they have proof. The very structure of the Chantry and its Divine could be put to question if the wrong person figured out how to work the system. A true believer would not need a display of power.” Cassian finished parroting the Guardian’s words back to her.

Leliana slowed her struggling and glared at Cassian, clearly wishing him dead. Once it seemed that she would no longer strike Amira put her down. Leliana shot forward and punched him in the face, his head snapped back with a grunt. Some blood started to come out, it wasn’t broken but it hurt like hell. “I will never forgive you for this.” Leliana sneered.

A muffled “I can live with that.” Came out from behind Cassian fingers where he was trying to stem the flow of blood. Morrigan lowered her staff and went to check the injury.

The sound of footsteps approaching caused the group to turn. At the entrance of the room stood the Guardian. He drew his broadaxe and raised it ready to fight. “Some things cannot go unpunished, Andraste must be avenged.”

Cassian and Morrigan sighed in annoyance, while Amira groaned. “I’m starting to forget why we need you alive again” Amira muttered, shooting Cassian a look. Leliana looked apprehensive but drew her weapons, and together the group charged. Beating the Guardian was no easy feat, but they succeeded. Once that was complete together they left the Temple and Haven, it was time to wake Eamon up.


	14. If Tomorrow

Amira groaned as she let herself fall face first into the bedroll in Alistair's tent. Alistair chuckled settling next to her. "So I take it the Temple didn't go great."  
  
"Leliana tried to murder Cassian." She offered pushing herself up on her elbows. She wondered if she looked as exhausted as she felt. "After he poisoned the Urn of Scared Ashes."  
  
"He _what_ ?!" Alistair demanded, sitting up quickly, suddenly horrified.  
  
"I managed to get enough for Eamon first." She reassured, sitting up on her knees and running her fingers through his hair in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. "He's going to be okay" she promised, she hoped, softly.  
  
"Do you really think it's going to work?" He asked after a long moment, sounding small and vulnerable. Her hand was still cupping his face and he leaned into her touch.  
  
"I don't know." She admitted, wanting to make him feel better, but not wanting to lie to him. "But after everything we had to do to reach it, all the ceremony and arcana... I have to believe it'll do something. That these ashes have some kind of power." Alistair sighed, laying back down, and Amira settled half on top of him as he wrapped his arms around her. "Whatever happens next, I'll be right there with you." She could promise him that much at least.  
  
Alistair let out a ragged breath, holding her tighter, and burying his face in her hair. "Maker, I love you." Alistair froze the moment the words left his mouth, and so did Amira. After a few long, silent seconds she pushed herself up just enough to look at him properly, her eyes wide. "I..." He looked like a flustered, frightened rabbit she realized, her own heart racing.  
  
"Do you mean that?" Amira asked quietly.  
  
"I...yes?" He hesitated, half asking. "I mean I do, I really, really do, but if that's, if this is too soon-- I don't want to make you feel like you have to say it back, or--"  
  
"I love you." She told him, cutting off his ramblings.  
  
"You do?" He asked, sounding a little bit dumbfounded.  
  
"I do." She told him, smiling so wide it almost hurt. Alistair blinked at her before smiling just as wide, and pulling her into a kiss, his fingers tangling into her hair.  
  
"I love you." He said again, on purpose this time and Amira laughed delightedly.  
  
"I love you." She replied, and maybe it was ridiculous to keep saying it, but Amira had been carrying this feeling for weeks now, afraid to share it because she didn't want to scare him. But he'd been right there with her, feeling the same thing, worrying about the same things, and knowing that was incredible. She felt like she was flying.  
  
"Um, wow, okay I know we were talking about something serious before this, but now I just can't stop smiling."  
  
"Yeah." She agreed. She'd been feeling miserable and exhausted and overwhelmed the entire way back to camp, and now... well she was still exhausted, but now she felt like she could take on anything. After a nap at least. "I really don't know what I'd do without you."

He stroked her hair, and she could almost hear the smile in the sound of his voice. “Being near you makes me crazy,” she swatted his chest lightly, but it was only teasing. She thought she knew what he meant, and it was a good sort of crazy. “But I can’t imagine being without you. Not ever.” Something about his tone had Amira pausing, and she pushed herself up so that she could look at him properly, and he looked up, meeting her halfway.

“Alistair…?”

“Spend the night” he blurted out suddenly. “I mean, that is, will you-- would you want to, um” he sighed, letting his head fall back against his pillow with a dull thump. “Let me start over.” He swallowed hard, sounding nervous. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place...but when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn’t even have met.” He sighed, but it was gentler this time, and he looked at her with so much soft affection it made her heart ache. “We sort of just, stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else.” He laughed, his voice suddenly shaky and nervous. “I really don’t want to wait anymore. I’ve...I’ve never done this before. You know that. I want it to be with you… while we have the chance. In case…”

“Okay.” She told him, a little breathless. “Alistair I don’t know what I’m doing anymore than you do, but-but I feel the same. And I want this.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” she agreed, reaching up to lay a hand on his cheek. He covered it with his own and Amira smiled. 

***

“I have been studying mother’s grimoire, do you wish to hear what I have found?”  
  
Cassian looked up from where he was huddled next to the fire near Morrigan’s tent. They were still in the mountains and it was freezing. Morrigan was walking towards him carrying two bowls of stew. She sat down close to Cassian, shoulder to shoulder. She handed him the bowl and looked at him waiting.

“You know I do.” Cassian said with a small smile. One Morrigan did not return. She looked down, fidgeting slightly.

“Tis not what I expected. I had hoped to have found a collection of her spells. A map to the power she holds… but this is not it.” Morrigan looked uneasy. Cassian had never seen her like this.

He reached over and took one of her hands in his, squeezing it slightly in a gesture of comfort. Morrigan squeezed back.

“One thing in her writing particularly disturbs me. In great detail Flemeth explains the means by which she has survived for centuries.”  
  
“Immortality?” Cassian asked his interest piqued.

“Yes, and no… Flemeth has raised many daughters over her long lifetime. There are stories of these many Witches of the Wilds throughout Chasind legend. Yet I have never seen a one, I have always wondered why not. And now I know. They are all Flemeth. When her body becomes old and wizened she raises a daughter and when the time is right she takes her daughter's body for her own!”

Cassian stared at Morrigan slightly uncomprehending. Then he sprang up and started pacing. “She shall _not_ have you.” He all but snarled out. Morrigan stood and grabbed his face, stopping his pacing. She kissed his brow tenderly and smiled softly, leaning down and pulling him into a hug.

“We must kill Flemeth.” She whispered into his ear. “And you must be the one to do it.” he nodded into her shoulder.

“Anything for you.” He said back.

“This will not end her, not truly. But it will slow her down, and buy me some time to prepare for when she does come for me. But in order to be truly ready for her I must have her real grimoire.”  
  
“Consider it done.” 

***

Amira hummed softly to herself the next morning as she packed up her tent. She was feeling happier than she’d have thought possible after leaving the Temple the day before. “Amira” Wynne said cautiously, getting her attention “can we speak for a moment.”

“Of course.” Amira said, brushing her hands on her pants as she stood up. “Is something wrong?” She asked in concern.

“No, well, not precisely.” Wynne was silent for a moment as if gathering her thoughts. “You and Alistair are quite taken with each other aren’t you?” Amira bit her lip, trying not to grin like a fool. Wynne smiled, but there was something almost sad about it Amira was startled to realize. “Yes, that’s what I thought. It’s certainly hard not to notice the doe eyed looks he gives you.” She chuckled. “Especially when he thinks no one’s watching. It’s almost too sweet for my tastes. And I’m an old lady who should be making lace hearts and fuzzy blankets with animal motifs.”

Amira snorted at the mental image of Wynne crocheting a doily. “That would be the real mark of the end of the world.”

Wynne’s smile was sharp and rueful as she agreed. “Quite. I won’t be making any of you socks with pom-poms any time soon.” She shook her head, growing serious. “But that’s hardly my point. I’ve noticed you blossoming relationship and I wanted to ask where you see this going.” Amira blinked, staring at Wynne in surprise. “Alistair is a fine lad,” Wynne was quick to reassure “skilled in battle, but quite inexperienced in affairs of the heart. As, I fear, are you.”

“Wynne.” Amira protested weakly, her cheeks burning.

“I don’t want to see either of you hurt” she continued on. “There is great potential for tragedy here. You are both Grey Wardens, and he is the son of a King. You have responsibilities which supercede your personal desires.”

“Alistair doesn’t _want_ to be King.” Amira reminded her sharply, not enjoying the turn of this conversation in the least.

“Regardless, you are still Grey Wardens.” Wynne returned. “Love is, ultimately selfish. It demands that one be devoted to a single person, who may fully occupy one’s mind and heart, to the exclusion of all else. A Grey Warden cannot afford to be selfish. You may be forced to make a choice between your love and saving everyone else, and then what will you do?”

Amira stared at her, trying not to gape. “That isn’t a fair question. That isn’t-- what do you expect me to do, exactly? Break our own hearts now on the _chance_ that something might happen later?” From the expression on her face that was exactly what Wynne thought she should do. “No, no. I am not listening to this.” Amira said abruptly, turning to walk away.

Wynne followed her. “Amira be reasonable. You might have to end things now, if only to save yourself unnecessary anguish later on. Nothing is certain, not in these times. You cannot take anything for granted--”

Amira whirled around to face Wynne, fist clenched at her side as she glared at the other woman. “Which is exactly why I’m _not_ ending things with Alistair. Do you think that somehow ending things will mean I stop loving him? That it won’t still matter to me if he got hurt? That I wouldn’t still want to protect him? Maybe I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I know right now I’m here, and that being with him makes me stronger. That it gives me a reason to keep fighting. I won’t give that up.”

Wynne sighed in a way that made Amira think that Wynne still thought she was being unreasonable. Well, that was fine with Amira, because she thought Wynne was being unreasonable as well. Being Grey Wardens, having responsibilities, that didn’t mean they suddenly stopped being people too. They were already being asked to give up so much, they shouldn’t have to give up the little happiness they could find in all this darkness. “I have given my advice, do with it what you will.” And with that Wynne left, taking Amira’s good mood with her.

***

They’d made it to Redcliffe by late afternoon, the sun hanging low in the sky. The reception they’d received when the townspeople saw them was warm, and it was strangely comforting to come back to somewhere that they’d been able to do some good. There was still danger hanging over them all, there still fear, but there was hope to. Amira hoped there would be more of it after they woke the Arl.

As they approached the main steps of the castle Amira turned to the group to ask a question, but instead could only gape as she watched Cassian ride off in the opposite direction on a horse. Where had he even gotten a-- oh, of course, she thought her eyes flickering to open gate of Eamon’s stable, he’d _stolen_ it.

Well, she thought, turning to look at Morrigan, as long as she was here he'd probably be back. “Want to tell us where he's off to?” She asked, more than a little done with Cassian. Morrigan shrugged, staring at Amira challengingly. She'd expected as much. Amira sighed “Great. Wonderful. Let's go do our fucking job then.”

Teagan was relieved to see them, though he seemed surprised by Cassian’s absence. Amira made vague excuses, but it was easy enough to get him off that topic when she’d revealed they’d acquired the ashes. Everything happened quickly after that. Part of Amira worried that it wouldn’t work, that if all the magic at their disposal couldn’t work why would a handful of dust? Alistair reached over and grasped her hand so tightly it almost hurt, like it was the only thing keeping him standing and Amira had to believe. She had to believe with everything she had that this would work, because the alternative was too painful for her to think about.

And, then, somehow, it did.

Teagan looked like he was a moment away from weeping as his brother opened his eyes, dazed and confused, but present. “Teagan? Where is Isolde? Where is my son?” Amira felt her heartbreak a little.

***

Cassian rode through the night. Well actually he rode through several nights. An upside of being a Grey Warden was the enhanced endurance. It helped that he had stolen three horses from Eamon and was rotating them untermintendly throughout his journey.

Finally he arrived at Flemeth’s hut in the Kocari Wilds. All he had to do now was murder a woman of legend. Sounded simple enough. He dismounted his horse and drew his sword. As he approached the hut Flemeth emerged. Looking haggard as ever.

“And so you return. Lovely Morrigan has at last found someone willing to dance to her tune. Such enchanting music she plays, wouldn’t you say?”

Cassian held his sword before him, saying nothing. He had to be ready to attack as soon as he saw an opening. He needed surprised on his side if he was going to win.

“What has Morrigan told you? What little plan has she hatched this time?”

“She told me how you extend you life, that you plan to posses her body one day.”

Flemeth chuckled. “Hmmm, you intend to slay an old woman to gain favor with your beloved? Morrigan will never love you, her self preservation is too strong to allow her feel anything other then a lust for power and a need for her own survival. You will have to try and kill me. Perhaps you would even succeed, but I can offer you a much, easier, option.”

Cassian faltered slightly, lowering his sword. “What are you proposing?”

“A choice, there is power in choosing, as there is in lies. I shall give you one of each. Morrigan wishes my grimoire? Take it as a trophy. Tell her I am slain. It will be interesting to see what she does with her new freedom, I will not interfere, for a time. Would you give an old woman that?”

Cassian stared at her his own survival instincts warred with his devotion to protect Morrigan. Finally Cassian walked over and stood in front of Flemeth, encroaching on her personal space, staring at her intensely.

“You swear you will leave her alone?” He finally asked.

“Like I said, for a time.”

Cassian was quiet contemplating. Morrigan was powerful, Flemeth more so, he had come here alone, his chances of survival against the legendary Witch of the Wilds were not great. This would get Morrigan what she truly wanted and let him live, which was the best case scenario. He nodded. “Deal.”

“It far easier this way don’t you think? The lies are always more fun. The grimoire is inside the hut, with enough spells and notes to make even Morrigan blush with delight. You and I will not meet again, that I guarantee.”

He held her gaze a moment longer and then walked into the house returning a moment later with a backpack. He bowed slightly to the old woman and left as quickly as he came. 

***

Though Eamon had seemed much restored in the days since they’d woken him, it was clear his health was not yet fully returned. The man was pale, and just a little too thin to appear truly healthy, and he leaned, subtly, against Teagan as he stood before them. Despite that he seemed composed, and determined to face the coming threat. Amira wasn’t sure if he was taking the death of his wife well or is he was in shock, compartmentalizing, and distracting himself from the tragedy of what had occurred. Amira thought she knew which is was.

The group, sans Cassian, had gathered in the main hall of Redcliff. Eamon stood before them. They were going to discuss their next move in regards of Loghain.

“As we now know, Loghain has seized control of the throne for himself. Our goal must be to bring stability to Ferelden long enough to unite against the Darkspawn.” Eamon begin. The rest of the group stood before him waiting. “I believe the best way to do this is to bring a stronger claim to the throne. Alistar, you must be the new king.” Eamon said looking at him intensely.

“You can’t be serious.” Amira said shocked that he would suggest such a thing.

“The people would never accept me as king, I’m the bastard son of a kitchen maid. No matter how strong a claim, no one see me as anything else. What your suggesting is impossible.” Alistair added.

“You will make them see.” Eamon said almost desperately.

Amira winced slightly, clearly this was all Eamon had now. His son was lost to the Circle and his wife dead. Eamon wanted control over something as his life fell apart around him, and he’d picked Alistair. Amira steeled herself, he would _not_ force Alistar to do this. This would not be the Templars all over again.

Alistair opened his mouth, about to say something, but Amira, standing in front of him didn’t see, and powered on, cutting him off unintentionally. “No. Alistair said no.You are not going to _make him_ be King. We will find another way. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but once Cassian returns we can think of something else, he loves stuff like this. In the meantime we can work to weaken Loghain's claim to the throne.”

Eamon held her gaze for a long moment, he finally nodded his head in agreement. Amira breathed a quiet sigh of relief to herself.

“So we must” Eamon said slowly, gravely. “It will take time for me to assemble the Landsmeet. If we are to do so quickly I shall hardly be able to split my attentions, and yet there is much too do before it commences so that we might have a chance of success.” He sighed. “I ask that you go ahead of us to Denerim, learn what you can, gather allies, evidence if you can. We must have the support of the people.” With a gesture one of the attendants at the side of the room moved forward to hand Eamon a stack of papers. “There are reports of unrest in the alienage, go there if you can. Perhaps there is something there we may turn to our advantage.”

With the plan going forward decided the group dispersed, Eamon leaving quickly to return to his chambers. With any luck the speed with which he found himself exhausted would wane before the Landsmeet arrived. Amira wasn’t sure what it would do to their position if he appeared weak. Amira shook her head at the thought, Maker she was sounding like Cassian wasn’t she? That was an unsettling thought.

“Bann Teagan?” she called, breaking away from the group. She’d hoped to speak to the man before he left.

“Yes my lady?” He asked curiously, halting his departure.

That was still strange, to be addressed so by a member of the nobility. “I had hoped, that is to say,” Amira took a deep breath. “What’s become of-of the prisoner?” Amira resisted the urge to refer to Jowan by name. She knew what he was in the eyes of the people here, a harbinger of misfortune and tragedy and death.

“He is gone from our midst.” Teagan said, and his viciously satisfied tone was enough to convey to Amira exactly what he meant by gone. Satisfaction had been found in his punishment. Amira wasn’t sure what expression she wore, but whatever it was it was enough to have Teagan’s own softening. “I am sorry my lady, you had known him, hadn’t you?”

Amira swallowed thickly, before replying softly. “He was a friend once.” And he would always be her family. “I had hoped I might... have a chance to say goodbye.”

“You show more loyalty than I think he would in your position.” He said it like it was a credit to her, instead of a knife in her heart. Amira said nothing, simply nodded before returning to Alistair’s side. Another member of her family she would never get to say goodbye to.

Suddenly the door at the back of the hall slammed open and Cassian walked in looked rather soggy. He also was carrying a sack of _something_. “Sup bitches, I’m back.” Cassian looked around the room and upon seeing that Morrigan was not in the room, exited as quickly as he entered. Amira felt a headache coming on.

***

“Where you successful?” Morrigan asked following Cassian into their room at Redcliffe castle. Cassian reached into his bag and pulled out the grimoire, handing it to her. Morrigan’s eyes lit up at the sight of it. She took it from him eagerly, flipping through the pages.

“This will take some time for me to sift though. Thank you for retrieving it.” Morrigan leaned down and kissed Cassian.

“Anything for you. I shall leave you to read now.” Cassian said smiling weakly. He felt guilty about lying to Morrigan, perhaps one day he would tell her what truly happened. “I’m going to take a nap now if that’s alright.” Morrigan nodded absently already flipping through her new book.

Cassian felt a slight pang at the sight, perhaps Flemeth was right. He was unimportant to her own ambitions. He laid down on bed and shut his eyes. A moment later he felt the bed shift and Morrigan was sitting beside him. She absently started running her fingers through his hair as she was reading. Cassian smiled to himself. Perhaps Flemeth didn’t know Morrigan as well as she thought.


	15. Understand

“-I could use the remaining health of the elves alive to greatly augment your strength. Allow me to leave alive and I shall do this for you.” Caladrius panted looking desperately between the two Wardens standing before him.

Amira’s eyes widened in horror at his offer. She tightened her grip on her staff and looked to Cassian ready to fight to save the elves lives if she had to.

“Tis a good deal. These people are weak, best use what you can to make your own self stronger.” Morrigan whispered behind them, and Amira felt the frost already at her finger tips. She would _not_ let this happen.

Cassian stood directly in front of Caladrius stock still his eyes calculating. Before Amira could even react his sword rose up in a blur and embedded itself in the top of Caladrius’ head. Amira felt her eyes widen, very nearly dropped her staff in shock. “No.” was all Cassian said emotionlessly, and Amira could hardly believe it. Caladrius toppled over dead.

Around them the rest of the Tevinter mages sprung into action attacking desperately, terrified to meet the same end as their leader. Amira shook off her shock to return her focus where it belonged. The rest were no luckier than Caladrius, with the rest of the group being dispatched quickly and effectively.

Without looking at the rest of the group Cassian grabbed the key off of Caladrius’ body and opened the cage. The elves all rushed out shouting their thanks and praising the Maker. Morrigan watched them file out of the room with a frown on her face. Amira couldn't blame her, Amira hadn't realized there was a line Cassian wouldn't cross, but Morrigan would. It was a pleasent surprise,

“Cassian?” One of the last elves to file out the the cage was standing before him. He was older with dark gray hair and lightgray skin. He was taller then Cassian, his build and height similar to that of a human's, which would make sense given the washed out colour of his skin. He wrapped Cassian in a big hug rocking him back and forth slightly muttering something that only Cassian could here.

“Huh, I had no idea Cassian had an actual friend here.” Alistair half joked. 

Cassian looked at Alistair over the man's shoulder “This is my father.”

***

After the elves had been freed Cyrion, Cassian’s father, brought them all to his home. It was a small shack closer to the entrance to the Alienage. Apparently it was one of the nicer homes. Waiting for them inside the home was Cyrion’s wife Nola. She was shorter than Cyrion and her features were closer to that of a traditional elf. Wheres Cyrion was washed out, Nola was a pop of colour, her skin was more yellowish, and she had honey coloured hair and light green eyes. She also looked nothing like Cassian. Looking at the three of them you would think Cassian was adopted. Too short to be his father, but too blue to have any relation to his mother.

Upon seeing Cyrion she gave a cry of relief and gathered him in a hug. She held him close and sobbed into his shirt, grateful for the return of her husband. “You’re back! I was so worried I thought I would never see you again.”

“Shhh shhh, it’s ok my love. Cassian saved me.”

Nola turned to look at Cassian. She then threw her arms around him in a big hug. “Thank you.” she said her voice muffled by his shoulder. “I always knew you would achieve great things, there was never a doubt.”

Cassian awkwardly wrapped his arms around her in an equally awkward hug. “Thank you Nola.” He said politely. He then unwrapped her arms from around his neck. “We really must be going, we have business to attend to. I will visit you both after all of this is done.”

His father nodded and walked over to him giving him one last hug. “I’m proud of you son, she would be to if she were here.” Cassian smiled slightly, and nodded before turning and walking out the door. The rest of the group not far behind him.

“Who was that woman? She wasn't you mother was she? Calling her by her first name is pretty formal, even for you.” Alistair commented as they walked out of Cassian’s old home.

“She’s my stepmother, my real mother was killed about eight years ago.” Cassian said flatly. “Nola has never been comfortable around me, always afraid I was too smart for my own good. Our relationship has always been a formal one.”

Morrigan eyed Cassian, since their fight with Caladrius, he had not looked her directly in the eye. He had also been quieter than normal. He was private, but something was wrong. Morrigan watched him carefully trying to pick up what it was.

“We should head back to Emon’s home, we need to update him on the situation in the Alienage, and Loghain's involvement in it.” Amira said.

***

Cassian was sitting alone in his room, staring into the fire thinking. Morrigan watched him quietly from the door entryway. She didn’t know how to broach the subject. Cassian was clearly upset with her, he’d barely looked at her all day, and refused to eat dinner with the rest of the group when it had been served. Instead opting to eat in his and Morrigan’s room alone. Morrigan noted that his food was relatively untouched.

Sighing she walked into their room and took a seat on the floor beside Cassian. She could not help but note that the situation was very similar to the last time they had had an intense conversation in front of a fireplace, after Morrigan had first propositioned him.

“You are upset with me.” Morrigan said the words unsurely, not used to having conflict with Cassian.

Cassian didn’t look at her, instead he continued to stare into the fire. “I am, yes.”

“Are you going to tell me why, or shall I have to guess?”

Cassian suddenly stood up and started to pace the length of the room. He was definitely upset, a man who was always so still, was now unbalanced, like a ship in a storm.

“I’m upset that you suggested that we kill the elves who were captured to augment ourselves.” Cassian finally said, still pacing and not really looking at her.

“Those elves were weak, they allowed themselves to be herded and captured like chattle. I had no idea that you father was among them Cassian.” Thinking that was the reason Cassian was upset with her. Morrigan rose to stand blocking his path and making him look at her. She was surprised to see the hurt in his face, a hurt she had caused.

“They were afraid Morrigan, they went with them because they were afraid.” Cassian said softly.

“They were weak. If they wished to be free they should have fought for it.” Morrigan argued back. “Why are you so upset about this, we have faced similar situations before and you’ve killed people then. Why are you so upset now?”

“Because that could have been me!” Cassian suddenly shouted.

Morrigan was taken aback at this. Cassian had never raised his voice, ever, and especially not to her. She stepped back slightly.

“If Duncan hadn’t come to the Alienage, I would have been among them. I would have gone in there with the rest of them, because I would have been afraid too. If Duncan hadn’t come it would have been me in there that you were trying to get killed.”

“But you were not! You’re stronger then them, you survived. Why do you hold onto this sense of duty to these people? I have been the one watching your back all these months, we’ve been protecting each other. They abandoned you to die in the street. How could you possibly care what happens to them? Your own father left you to die at the hands of those men.” Morrigan yelled frustrated with Cassian.

Cassian looked down for a moment. “I am a child of the Alienage, that place is my home. I’m connected to them, and they to me. I’ve lost my heritage, and my country, but I haven't lost my community. You can’t just love the parts of me that are convenient to Morrigan. You have to love all of me.” He finished the last part so quietly it was barely a whisper.

“I don’t-”

“Stop.” Cassian interrupted her, stepping closer. “The ring you gave me connects us, I know how you feel about me, it’s the same way I feel about you. Let’s stop ignoring it and finally acknowledge what’s going on between us.”

“Fine.” Morrigan said shortly. “This thing between us is a weakness. You say I’m not giving you enough. I have shared more of myself with you than I have anyone in my life. That includs my own mother who has the gall to demand my body. And yet you stand here and ask for more, you ask me to change.”

“No not change, understand. I know what I’m asking you to understand comes into conflict with your own belief system. You think that to care for the elves, or another person is a weakness, that it puts your own survival at risk. I just… I’m less than a warrior, less than a Warden. I’m a city elf. My status, my privilege, will always be lower than anyone else's. The only people who can understand that are the elves in the Alienage. I do not fault them for their fear, I have felt it to, my who life. I’m upset that you don’t acknowledge that part of me.”

Morrigan stared at Cassian for a long moment. “You’re right. I don’t understand, I won’t ever understand, not truly. What this conversation has shown me is that we cannot fit. Our feelings are a weakness and distraction we cannot afford. I am ending this.” Morrigan clenched her jaw, not wanting Cassian to see how she was breaking on the inside. “Love is a weakness, you are a weakness, and I will not allow that to be exposed.” With that Morrigan turned and left the room.

Leaving Cassian by himself.

*** 

Despite Amira’s own assertion that they should return to Eamon’s Amira found herself lingering in the Alienage. There hadn’t been much time to take it in when they’d first arrived, too busy dealing with the abduction crisis. Now though, it was strange how familiar so much of this place felt when she hadn’t seen it since she was six. It left an ache in her chest that surprised her.

“I’ll catch up.” she told Alistair quietly. “There’s someone I need to speak with.”

Something about her tone or expression, must have given her away because Alistair took her hands, looking concerned. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Amira shook her head, smiling. “No, but thank you. I think I need to do this myself.” Amira squeezed his hand and added reassuringly. “I’ll take Basil for backup.” Her mabari barked in agreement, startling a few of the elves in the square.

Alistair still looked reluctant to leave her, but nodded, dropping a kiss on her hands, still clutched in his. “I love you.” he reminded her softly, letting her go.

Amira smiled, reaching up to press her hand to his cheek. “I love you too.”

Amira moved further into the Alienage, heading for Elder Valendrian’s home. She wasn’t sure if the odd looks she was receiving were because she was a strange elf in a small community, or if they recognized her as one of the Wardens who had returned some of their friends and neighbors. Maybe it was just the mabari at her heels.

“Warden?” The Elder asked curiously as he answered his door. “What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping we might talk.” Amira said, suddenly hesitant. She felt less like the brave Warden who’d helped mount a daring rescue, and more a scared apprentice of eight clutching a letter that had shattered the world as she knew it. “It-- you probably don’t remember me, but I was born here. I lived here until I was--”

Elder Valendrian gasped, having been staring at her intently from the moment of her pronouncement. “You’re Harea’s girl.” It wasn’t a question. He ushered her in quickly after that, settling her at a modest table and offering tea. “Maker I don’t know how I didn’t realize, you look so like her. You were so small when you left, and now look at you. Grown, and returned to us a Grey Warden. Ah, but listen to me go on, you didn’t come to hear an old man’s ramblings. There was something you wished to ask.”

Amira smiled softly at him, feeling warm and welcomed, a homecoming she’d never expected from the Alienage. Amira was almost reluctant to break the pleasant atmosphere with her question, but it was something she felt she needed to know. Something she’d wondered since that first trip to Denerim. “Elder I… I recently was, made aware, of what my mother did for her living.” Amira said slowly, and carefully. Elder Valendrian’s face seemed to fall. “I need to know… I never knew my father, and mother never spoke of him, not really, not until the day I left.... Was she really ever married or…?”

Elder Valendrian sighed, and suddenly Amira could see the weight of all those who lived in the Alienage weighing on him. “Wouldn’t it be better to simply let some parts of the past remain as they are? There are some things… she would have been happier had you never needed to learn them.”

As avoidant as it was it was an answer enough. “I love my mother. The woman I remember was kind, and warm, and I was happy with her” Amira said honestly. “Whatever she had to do to survive, doesn’t change that.” She might have struggled at first to reconcile her mother’s work with the woman she remembered, but in all the months since she’d come to terms with it. It was probably for the best she’d needed to wait to have this conversation.

Valendrian stared at her for a long moment before seeing the truth of her words and relaxing. “She was a good woman,” he told her softly, staring into his tea “caring and hardworking, but her skin… Most humans refused to even consider hiring her. Too eye catching and bright. Too elfy. The few jobs she managed to find never lasted long, though not for any reason she could help. Eventually she ended up at the Pearl where they considered her appearance an asset.” He sounded tired. Not bitter exactly, but resigned. Her mother’s story wasn’t an unique one she realized sadly.

“She loved you more than anything else in the world.” He looked at her as if imploring her to remember that. It felt like a non-sequitur, but Amira had a feeling he had a point. “I still remember going to see her after the Templars had taken you away. She was clutching your blanket and sobbing, but she was smiling too. From the day you were born, bright red skin just like her’s, she’d been terrified you’d share the same fate. She wanted a better life for you. As hard as it was for her to give you away, she knew the Circle could give you that.”

Amira stared down at the table, trying to swallow down the lump in her throat. Her mother had treated the Circle like a good thing, like her magic was a gift, and Amira knew that had influenced her acclimation to her new life. If her mother was happy, it had to be good, and so she’d been open to loving the Circle, to letting it be her home. In later years she’d wondered about her mother’s reaction. Some insecure part of her had been afraid that her mother had been happy because her life would be easier without Amira in it. Knowing the truth… “Thank you.” Amira told him roughly.

Elder Valendrian reached forward, patting her hand like she imagined a grandfather might. “If she could see you now… She’d be so proud of you.” Amira stayed a good while longer, just listening to stories, some were about her mother, and others about half remembered playmates from her childhood. When she finally left it was with a lighter heart, a hug, and a promise to come back the next time she could for tea.


	16. Understood

Upon reflection they probably should have tried to save the Queen before they gone into the Alienage. Then maybe that way they could have avoided capture. Which unfortunately was technically Cassian’s fault. He had been covering the rear of the party, but he had not necessarily been paying attention. Apparently a broken heart will do that to you.

It had been a week since Morrigan had ended things with Cassian. During that time they could barely be in the same room together. Cassian couldn't look at her. He’d stopped wearing the ring she’d given him as well. He didn’t want her to feel his pain. He was also afraid that if he put it back on he wouldn’t feel anything on her end. That her ending things with him didn’t hurt her the same way it hurt him.

Due to a fun combination of him not sleeping for the last week because he was to busy crying, and maybe some drinking with Zevran and Sten; he wasn’t in tiptop shape when it came time to rescue the Queen from imprisonment. The whole endeavor culminated in him not hearing Rendon Howe’s guards coming up behind him. Once they entered the foyer to leave the castle they had been very effectively surrounded. Amira and Cassian had been immediately captured, but Leliana and Wynne had been able to get Anora out before the guards could grab them to. 

So now here they were. Cassian and Amira. Locked up together in Fort Drakon. Fun for the whole family.

“This is your fault you know.” Amira muttered, hugging her arms for warmth.

“I am aware.” Cassian muttered from where he was lying facedown on the floor. “This place smells like feet.” 

“Useful observation.” she said sarcastically. “I’m sure that will be integral to our escape.”

“You mock me now, but just wait. The stench of feet will be the key to our survival.” Cassian quipped rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling of the cell. “Can’t you just magic us out of the cell? Like how you did for Jowan in Redcliff?”

“Do you have a shield I can hit the lock with?” she shot back. “It’s not like escape magic is high on the Circle’s list of things to teach the mages they’re keeping locked in a tower.”

“Ok fine, new plan. You think of a way to get out of here. I am going to take a nap.”

Before Amira could open her mouth to reprimand Cassian for his unhelpfulness. The door to the jail opened and three guards walked in. 

“Oy keep it down in ere.” One of the guards barked.

At that Cassian sat up to have a better look at the men. “Hush now Amira, it would seem we have company.” Cassian said sarcastically. Amira shot him a look, but didn’t say anything. “Please do come in, make yourselves at home, I’m terribly sorry we have nothing to offer you in the way of food. You see we’ve recently been robbed of everything we own.” Cassian ended the monologue by grandly sweeping his arm around the room in invitation.

“Shut up.” Amira hissed, “you’re going to get us both killed.”

“UuuuugH, you are such a buzzkill you know that?” Cassian said flopping back down onto the group.

“I will take being a buzzkill over _dead_.”

“HEY! I said shut it!” The guard yelled coming over to bang loudly in the bars.

“Oy! Be careful, these here are the Grey Wardens, they are the prisoners of the king. Rumor has it that they ave special powers.” another guard whispered conspiratorially to the rest of the group.

“Yes, it comes in the form of spectacular hearing. Isn’t that right Amira?” Cassian asked conversationally. As if they were not in a prison, but in tavern having dinner with friends.

“I’m starting to think you want to die.” Amira muttered under her breath.

“It’s been a long week.” Cassian muttered back. 

“You know, one of the other prisoners was telln men a few weeks back the Warden from the Alienage was actually a filthy Orleasion pig.” One of the guards observed, turning the attention back to Cassian and Amira.

“Why would there be an Orlesian living in a Fereldan alienage?” Amira asked quickly, trying to sound rational.

“Itz suppos to happen all the time, somethin about keeping trade up.” The guard summarized.

“Well if there is an Orlesian here then it is our duty as guards of Ferelden to figure out which one of you it is and… take care of it. Loghain only needs one Warden.” With that the guards opened the cell door and ran in.

On instinct Amira hit one the frontmost guard with a blast of ice magic knocking him backwards.

Everyone in the room stopped as the realization of what Amira had revealed set in. A mage could never live in the Alienage, through the process of very simple, or not so simple in the guards case, elimination that left Cassian as the only option for the Orleasion Alienage Warden. “Fuck.” Amira muttered, ice still casing her hands.

Two of the guards charged forward, one of them punched Amira in the stomach knocking the wind out of her. While the other slammed her against the cage. She still tried to use some magic, but missed. The last two guards grabbed Cassian and dragged him out of the cell. Amira distantly heard Cassian call out “tell my storyyyy.” As he was pulled out of the room.

 

***

 Amira cursed as she was left alone in their cell. She needed to think of a plan fast. The guards would keep Cassian alive for awhile in so much as they’d want to have proper go at him first, but Amira didn’t think those guards were actually smart enough to know their limits. They’d probably kill him by accident long before they ever meant to. Amira held back a wince as she stood up. She’d have to get Wynne to check her out later, after an armored fist to exposed stomach she’d be lucky if all she ended up was badly bruised. It gave her an idea though.

Letting herself fall back to her knees, and then to the floor, Amira curled up clutching her stomach. She moaned piteously until finally the lone of the guards left behind from Cassian’s ambush came to check on her. “Wha’s all this noise then?” He demanded. Amira whimpered loudly, curling in further on herself.

“I think s-something’s broken.” She moaned, hoping he was buying this. “Please I need help.”

“An why should I care?” he sneered.

Amira panted, trying to make it seem like speaking was a struggle. “Your friend said- he said you needed one Warden. I die and you have to spare the Orlesian,” she tried to sound as disgusted as she could on the word Orlesian. Maker let him buy it already, she needed to go find Cassian _now_. “You wanna be the reason he gets to live, huh?”

He seemed to consider her point for a long moment. With each passing second Amira feared she’d have to come up with another a plan, and the more she tried the harder it would get. This had to work, it had to. “Fine.” he finally grumbled reluctantly, digging out his keys. “Better some Fereldan mage tart, than an Orlesian knife ear. But you best not try anything magic.”

“No magic.” she promised sincerely, still curled up on the ground. She’d been learning grapples from Alistair so she wouldn’t need magic all the time in battle. Now seemed a good time to use them, spells would only draw attention she didn’t need. Once the guard was leaning over her, not quite crouched, but close, Amira spun, kicking the guards legs out from under him. He came down almost on top of her, but Amira had anticipated that. Forearm to the back of the neck, elbow out, bring your head close, she recited mentally as she sped through the steps Alistair had taught her. Push off, step out, and then she could… Amira slammed her knee against the guard’s exposed face, keeping a firm hold on the back of his neck to repeat twice more. She should maybe feel a little guilty for breaking her no magic promise, she thought as he fell to the cell floor unconscious, but then she wasn’t sure enhancing her strength with magic really _counted_. He’d meant spells.

Amira doubted the guard would be waking up anytime soon after that many knocks to the head, but she stripped him, bound him, and gagged him just in case. It never hurt to be careful. She was painfully aware that she was on a time limit though, and quickly gathered both her’s and Cassian’s possessions after donning some stolen guardsmen armor. She almost didn’t hear the faint tink of metal hitting the floor. The ring rolled in a near circle, coming to rest by her foot. Not entirely paying attention Amira grabbed the ring she assumed had fallen from her pack and pushed it onto her thumb. Time to go, time to go time to _go_.

***

Amira moved as quickly as she dared, head down, trying not to draw undue attention to herself. Stealth was her best, and only ally at the moment. She’d never be able to get Cassian by herself if she had the whole damn fort after her. Amira turned the corner, very nearly running into a pair of chantry sisters. “My apolo-- what the fuck?” Amira began before actually getting a look at the “Chantry sisters.”

Leliana looked natural enough, the robes she was wearing were the same as those she’d had as a lay sister in Lothering. Her companion on the other hand… Amira wasn’t sure if Morrigan actually looked as out of place in the chantry robes as Amira thought she did, or if it was just the fact that Amira knew Morrigan that was making it seem so unnatural. A little of both, she decided, staring at them.

Morrigan was looking past Amira, frowning. “What are you doing here?”

“Well I was trying to find Cassian so we could get the Flames out of here.”

“You _lost_ Cassian? How is that even possible? _You’re_ here, he should be here too.”

“I didn’t _lose_ him.” Amira snapped, sounding annoyed. “The guards found out he was Orlesian and took him away before we could break out. We need to hurry, or he’s as good as dead.”

“That’s barbaric.” Leliana exclaimed sounding horrified. While she wasn’t exactly Cassian’s biggest fan right now after what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She still had a heart. Unlike Cassian if they didn’t hurry.

“Before we do anything, give me back the ring you stole.” Morrigan said sounding displeased.

“Ring? What--oh.” Amira pulled off her glove to get the ring she’d picked up off her thumb. “Here. I must of confused it with mine I was in a bit of hu-- wait, how did you know I’d confused our rings? I was wearing gloves.”

“The ring allows me to know Cassian’s whereabouts so long as he is wearing it.”

“You gave your boyfriend a… tracking signal?”

“He is not my boyfriend.” Morrigan sounded like a petulant child. All she needed to do was stamp her foot to complete the image. “But yes I did, tis a practical move if we were ever separated. Or it would have been if you hadn’t taken it.” She finished narrowing her eyes at Amira.

“They’d already taken him by the time I found it. This is hardly my fault.” Honestly she was making it sound like Amira had orchestrated this herself. If she really wanted Cassian dead that badly why would she have been bothering to look for him? She could have already escaped alone by now.

“Look we can stand around and bicker till Maker knows when, or we could go and actually try and find Cassian before he dies.” Leliana interjected sounding exasperated with the trajectory of the conversation.

“We need to go up.” Amira offered, nodding at Leliana’s assessment of the situation. There was no point in arguing with Morrigan anyway. They’d never agree and Morrigan would never like her anyway. Amira was fine with that. “I overheard some of the guards talking about the rooms there.” She eyed their disguises. “It’s not the type of area they’d want Chantry sisters seeing.”

“Finally!” Morrigan exclaimed. “We can remove these damned clothes. Let’s change and then save Cassian.”

“Oh how darling, it’s like he’s a kidnapped princess and you're his brave knight coming to save him from danger. The Orlesian Court would adore it.” Leliana cooed, clasping her hands in front of her. Amira wasn’t entirely sure if she was serious or just trying to get a rise out of Morrigan.

“I will kill you.”

“Save it for later, we have guards to kill first.” Amira cut in before another argument could derail them. Amira almost wondered why this was the team they’d sent to rescue them, but then she remembered the alternatives.

 

*** 

Morrigan was sprinting behind Amira and Leliana through Fort Drakon. They were heading for the upper tower where the more _prestigious_ prisoners were kept. They were being chased by a dozen or so guards. Leliana and Morrigan’s entrance to the fortress had been relatively unnoticed, but once they met up with Amira all pretence of subtlety had been lost.

Not that Morrigan was complaining, it was most likely that the guards would beat Cassian to death simply for being Orleasion, and an elf. The thought made her gut twist. She now finally understood what Cassian had been trying to tell her. Amira hadn’t been taken as she was no longer an Alienage elf, she’d gotten out and had risen up in society. Being a mage elevated her, not far, but enough that she wasn’t worth the beating Cassian was going though. Morrigan suspected that targeting Cassian had less to do with his nationality, and more to do with his origins. No one will miss an Alienage elf, no one but her she thought bitterly.

Amira blew down another door to a new section of the prison charging though, Leliana close behind. Morrigan was about to follow them through we she heard a voice behind her. “Please...” It whispered out, quietly. “Free me…”

Morrigan turned and saw an elf that had been crammed into a rather small cage. For a second she thought she was looking at Cassian. He skin was a blue shade like his, but much more of a washed out grey. The elfs features where shaper and more angular than Cassian’s. His hair was white and his eyes a light yellow unlike Cassian, who was so much more vibrant compared to this elf. This elf looked like a pale washed out refection of Cassian. Still the similarities made Morrigan uncomfortable.

“Please, please let me go.” He begged the fear of what might happen if she didn’t clear in his eyes. Every instinct told her to move on and abandon the elf. But she couldn’t help but think of Cassian’s last conversation with her. How through a simple twist of fate the man on the other side of the bars could have been her love.

“Morrigan! Hurry up!.” Leliana called out. The sound of fighting echoed down the hall. The guards must have caught up to them.

Morrigan looked back and forth between the imprisoned elf and the door Amira and Leliana had disappeared through. “Damn...” Morrigan muttered under her breath. “Stand back.” The elf’s eyes widened and he scrambled back from the bars. Morrigan raised her hand with her pointer finger extended, a blue flame appeared at the end of it. She pointed it at the lock and had it melted in a matter of seconds.

She wrenched open the door. The elf ran through thanking her profusely and disappeared down the hall. Morrigan watch him leave, and started when she heard a loud bang in the direction of Amira and Leliana. Morrigan ran to rejoin them.

 

***

It took a while longer, but they eventually found where Cassian was being kept in one the chambers closer to the top of the tower.

There had been two men standing guard outside, Leliana dispatched them both with ease. Amira blasted down the door to the cell. The three of them burst into the room. It was small with vaulted ceilings. The room stank of sweat and blood. There was one small window near the top of the room that was the only light source. Amira and Morrigan both charged in catching the remaining two guards off balance. They took them out quickly. 

Curled up in a ball on the floor was Cassian. He was huddled against the far wall. The two guards had been in the middle of beating him when they were interrupted.

Morrigan approached him first kneeling down next to him. He was so still, she was afraid for a moment that he was dead. Then she noticed that his eyes were open and staring blankly ahead. There was a pool of blood underneath him. Amira crouched next to him checking him for injuries.

“I don’t think the blood is his. He doesn't have an injury that could cause that much bleeding.” Amira observed.  
  
“What’s wrong with him?” Leliana asked. “He’s so still.”

Morrigan reached out and touched his hand, he didn’t move or respond in anyway. His hands were freezing, and there was a layer of sweat on him underneath all of the blood. Morrigan knew enough about the human body to recognize when someone was in shock. She’d seen the Templar’s who hunted her and her mother go into it sometimes. The only question was what could have caused it? Morrigan looked between the pool of blood, and Cassian curled up on his side, his hands balled under his face in an almost prayer like gesture. Then it hit her. 

“Help me sit him up.” Morrigan ordered moving to rearrange Cassian's limbs in a way that would move him comfortably. Leliana and Amira rushed to help him up, albeit gingerly. Once Cassian was sitting upright the problem became clear. His entire right ear had been cut off. There was just a gaping hole where it should have been, 

“Maker..” Leliana whispered in horror. Cassian just stared ahead blankly.

Morrigan moved in front of his line of vision. “Cassian?” Morrigan asked softly. “Where is the rest of your ear?” Still no answer, just a vacant stare. “He’s in shock, probably from the trauma of losing his ear again. We need to get him to Wynne.” She reached down and pried open his hand, Cassian offered no resistance. In the palm of his hand was the rest of his ear. “Amira freeze the ear and the side of his face, it may buy Wynne enough time to reattach it.”

Amira froze his ear, and together the three of them helped Cassian up.

They were leaving

 

***

Once they had returned from the fortress Alistair and Wynne had rushed out of Eamon’s home to meet them. Alistair gathered Amira into a big hug. Wynne immediately started working on healing them both. Cassian's ear had been reattached, as long as he didn’t fiddle with it, it would heal fine. His face had been partially wrapped to keep his ear in place. Morrigan couldn’t help but be reminded of when she had first met him, his face had been wrapped for such a similar injury. There was also no change to his vacant stare, Wynne was not sure when, or if he would come out of it.

Now Cassian and Morrigan were laying in their bed at Eamon’s estate. Cassian was propped up by a mountain of pillows, Morrigan was partially curled up beside him, one hand stroking his hair near his uninjured ear while the other held his hand. She was watching, waiting for any sign of movement.

“All my life I was told that survival was dependent on myself, that to trust or rely on another tis a weakness that was not worth anything. Then I met you, and now, two is not such a scary number. These feelings, this… this revelation that to trust and depend on another tis not a weakness but a strength, no matter how wonderful…” Morrigan paused at this turning slightly to stare at the ceiling of their room. Looking at his blank face was to hard. “I will not accept it as a trade off for losing you.” As she said the last part tears finally escaped her eyes. She had never cried for another person.

She felt a shaky hand gently reach over and wipe away her tears. Morrigan turned to see Cassian looking at her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Morrigan let out a choked laugh and turned into him, wrapping Cassian in a tight embrace, her forehead resting against his. “Tis ok my love. I was worried.”

“Thank you for coming back for me.” Cassian croaked out.

Morrigan smiled slightly. “I told you that I would protect you.” She whispered quietly. For several minutes they just laid there. Content in each other's arms. Finally Morrigan spoke. “Cassian, I will not apologize for who I am. But after going to that place, I understand better what you were trying to say. And I am sorry that I did not listen to you.” 

“Thank you.” Cassian whispered giving her a small smile. Morrigan’s heartbeat picked up at that. “Where does this leave us now?” Cassian asked cautiously.

Morrigan looked away at that. She stared off into the distance as she answered his question. “Being apart from you like this has been... difficult.” She heard Cassian release a shaky breath of relief at her admission. She turned to look at him with a soft smile. “It was a mistake to end things. If you wish it, I would like to continue as before.” Cassian was already nodding eagerly before she even finished her statement. 

Morrigan gave him a tight smile. She felt a pang in her heart at his agreement. A part of her had hoped that he would refuse her, it would make things easier when this was all over.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring she had given him. “I found Amira wearing this in Fort Drakon, apparently she confused it for her own. Despite the mistake, I will say I do not like the idea of another woman wearing this…” Morrigan trailed off an almost playful smirk coming across her features.

Cassian smiled sheepishly and reached for the ring. He looked at her tentatively, silently asking for permission. Morrigan nodded her consent and braced herself. Cassian put the ring back on. She had been expecting, pain, and sadness and relief. Cassian was feeling none of those things. All Morrigan felt through the ring was love, in it’s purest form. It took her breath away. She looked down as Cassian who smiled at her slightly embarrassed. “I don’t have to hide it anymore do I?”

 “No, my love not ever again.” they smiled at each other content. Morrigan leaned and kissed him gently. They were ok.

 Everything was ok.


	17. Two Truths and a Lie

At the core of any person there are truths. Things about them that are fundamentally unshakable no matter what. Knowing these things about yourself is a huge advantage in any situation. Another person knowing these truths can be incredibly dangerous. Growing up, Cassian’s mother had always told him to be hollow. Be able to empty and fill yourself up over and over again. Then your truths are fluid, and so are your aims. The name Cassian meant hollow, so he considered this a rather important lesson, and one of his truths. 

Alistair Therin had three truths at his core:

  1. Duty
  2. Believes he is not worthy of love
  3. Desperately wants to be loved



Figuring these truths out had been no small feat, they never were. People are messy, and Cassian had spent the majority of the past year trying to find Alistair’s. The first had been rather simple to figure out. 

Alistair at one point was going to be a Templar, he hadn’t enjoyed the life necessarily, but he had been prepared to commit to the role. Then he’d been made a Warden, something he actually loved, his loyalty to his Order had almost no limit. Of course after Cassian was finished with him it would be slightly twisted.  

Currently, he was sitting in Alistair’s room at Arl Eamon's estate in Denerim. Earlier Alistair, Anora, Amira, Eamon and himself had all had a conversation about what to do about the currently up for grabs throne of Ferelden. Anora still wanted to be Queen, while Eamon believed Alistair a better fit. Cassian found the fact that the group was just now considering who should be in charge rather amusing. 

As if he hadn’t been thinking about it since he had arrived at Ostagar. The moment he met Cailen he’d known he was looking at a dead man. The fact that Alistair looked so much like Cailen was far more than coincidence. Any Orlesian would have been able to spot Alistair as a bastard prince of Maric from a mile away. Ferelden politics were childsplay compared to the Grand Game.

Alistar was pacing back and forth in front of him obviously agitated about the earlier conversation. He was currently trying to convince himself that he didn’t want to be king. His first truth coming into conflict with his second and third truths. All Cassian needed to do was align all three. Then there was nothing that anyone, not even Amira, could do to stop him.

“I can’t do this, I can’t. I wasn’t raised to be a King, that was always Cailen. My duty is to the Warden’s. Not the throne.”

“Your duty, Alistair, is to Ferelden.” Cassian said standing up. This caused Alistair to stop pacing and focus on him. “A Warden’s duty is to protect Thedas no matter what. Keeping Ferelden from spiraling due to a weak claim to the throne is upholding that oath.”

 

“No” Alistar said shaking his head. “I can’t be king I never wanted to be. Calien was king. I was never meant to be more than a bastard.”

“Fuck Alistair, pull your head out of your ass and listen. You have always been more then your title, your were to be a Templar, but you rose to a Warden, you are a Warden, and now you must raise to be King.”

“I am only a Warden because Duncan saw that I could be more than a Templar, that is all.”

The trick with Alistair’s second truth is that he doesn't believe that anyone, even Duncan has ever truly loved him. At least not the way he wanted them to. The sad truth was the Duncan probably did love him as a son, the way Alistair had wanted to be loved by him. 

“Duncan saw greatness in you, while planning the battle at Ostagar he was insistent that you accompany me and Amira through the tower. Two Warden’s would have been enough, but the truth is he wanted you to be safe. He said that if Ferelden falls then Alistair must be the one to pick it back up. At the time I thought he meant you would need to be the one to lead the Ferelden branch of the Warden’s. But now I think he meant that you needed to be the one to sit on the throne. He didn’t say Warden’s, he said Ferelden. He saw more in you than anyone else did.”

Alistair stared at Cassian, there was hope in his eyes, he wanted so badly to believe that he could live up to his surrogate father's hopes. The truth was Alistair wanted this. He wanted to be king. He’d spent months following Amira and Cassian around, not always agreeing with the decisions made, secretly wanting to make them, but being too afraid to stand up and make them. Cassian had not made the last year easy, and the whole point had been so that the idea of leading would start to become more appealing to Alistair. To have control, to make things turn out the way you wanted. The poor fool.

The third truth was the most difficult, because it came into conflict with Alistair’s desire to lead. He wanted to be loved, and leaders don’t always get love. This was the part that would be complicated.

“It’s just, would the people even accept a bastard king? I’ve no experience. I can’t just step in, they’ll think I’m some sort of puppet.”

The love of the people. It was powerful, it could shape an entire nation if wielded properly. 

“The solution to that is quite simple, marry Anora.”

“WHAT?! No you’re out of your damn mind Cassian, I am  _ not _ going to marry that woman.”

Cassian shrugged, allowing himself to come off as indifferent to the whole situation. Alistair need to believe that he didn’t care, that this conversation wasn’t some carefully planned operation that he has spent months maneuvering into reality. “Look if you marry Anora, you can learn from her, she was the one running the country anyway, Calien had no feel for ruling. He just wanted to be remembered as a hero. You and Anora co-ruling is the best outcome for this. The divide created by those loyal to the Mac Tir name and those to the Therin name would be brought into the fold with you union. If the actual ruling goes south, then Anora is to blame as she has been there longer. The people love her, they will love you if you join her. She can teach you much, and you would pair nicely together.”

“But what about Amira?” Alistair asked this in almost a whisper, his voice cracking slightly. Cassian pitied him in that moment. If the situation were reversed and someone other than Morrigan was asking him to end things with the Witch of the Wilds, he wouldn't do it. Another truth about himself. He loved Morrigan to a fault. 

Cassian was quiet for a moment. He had to be careful, if the wrong thing was said in the wrong tone Alistair would decide that Amira was more important than his duty. 

“Amira took the same oath you did, she understands that duty is more important than our own personal desires. A Warden is more than our own desires. You becoming King will not stop her from loving you, she will love you all the more for your sacrifice. The people will love you for your victory.”

Ok so maybe he was riffing off of the Warden’s code a little too, but what better way to drive the whole thing home. He saw the shift in Alistair’s eyes, he’d done it. Alistair would become the King of Ferelden, it was his duty, Amira would love him no less for doing what needed to be done, and Ferelden would thank him for helping to bring peace. 

“You’re right Cassian, I need to do this, no, I  _ want _ to do this. Ferelden needs a united monarchy and I will give them one. I need to talk to Amira… and Emon and Anora. We have a lot to do before the Landsmeet. You know, I never thought I would agree with you on something. Thank you for believing in me Cassian. I’m grateful.”

With that Alistair gave him a tight smile and left the room. Leaving Cassian alone with his thoughts. 

Cassian had successfully maneuvered Alistair, onto the throne, while securing Anora a more permanent position. Anora would be indebted to him for this. Alistair would be easier to manage confined to a castle. If this failed Alistair would most likely become the leader of the Ferelden branch of the Warden’s. A move that would be disastrous in the long run. Just because Alistair wanted to be in charge didn’t mean he would actually be good at it. Anora would reign him in when necessary. Keeping him here was for the best, and if Cassian’s theory about his parentage was correct then he might have some  _ very _ good leverage over him in time.

For now he was going to make himself scarce, Amira would probably actually try to kill him for this.


	18. This is How it Ends

Amira smiled when Alistair came into her room, but the expression faded slightly as she properly took in his face. He looked concerned, anxious, but resolved in a way she hadn’t seen before. That should have been a good thing, but somehow to Amira’s eyes it wasn’t a happy expression.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, moving close enough that she could reach up to cup his face. He covered her hand with his own, and smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes. Her stomach churned anxiously. “Alistair?”

“Can we talk? About- about everything with the throne and, all that?”

“Of course,” she said gently, relaxing as she thought she finally understood what this was about. “Alistair we’ll find you a way out of it I prom--”

“I want to be king.” He said, cutting her off quickly, the words almost running together as he rushed to get them out. Without thinking she stepped backwards in surprise, her hand slipping out from under his and away from his face.

“What?” she asked, utterly baffled. From the moment Alistair had confessed his paternity he’d done nothing, but insist that the throne wasn’t for him, that he didn’t  _ want  _ it. Amira couldn’t understand where this was coming from so suddenly.

“Maybe, maybe want isn’t the right word?” He said, running a shaky hand through his hair as Amira stumbled back to sit on her bed. Though it was less a conscious decision to sit, and more a matter of her knees hitting the edge of the bed and having nowhere else to go. “But I need to do it. It’s my responsibility, my  _ duty _ .” He insisted, pacing in front of her. She wondered if he was trying to convince her or himself, because he certainly hadn’t been this resolved a few hours ago. Where was this coming from? If this was what he wanted why hadn't she known? Why hadn't he told her?

“But what about Anora?” she asked instead, without a thought, her brain still trying to catch up to the abrupt turn about Alistair’s opinion on ruling had taken. “You heard her, she isn’t just going to give up the throne without a fight, and it’s already going to be hard enough unseating Loghain with her support, nevermind without it.”

Alistair abruptly stopped pacing, standing almost unnaturally still as he stared at anything in her general direction that wasn’t actually her. She had a sinking feeling he had an answer and that she wasn’t going to like whatever it was.

“She can still rule if I marry her.” Alistair said, quietly, reluctantly. “Just hear me out!” he added much more quickly, desperately. He threw up his hands as if he was trying to calm an animal that might at any second charge. He didn’t need to worry, Amira was utterly frozen in shock, nevermind present enough to find words. “Nothing has to change” Alistair plead, looking into her eyes imploringly. “I don’t-- It doesn’t mean anything, I don’t feel anything for her. I don’t even like her as a friend!” He reached forward, grasping her hands. “We can still be together, it’s you I love. It’ll always be you. This is just--just for the good of Ferelden. Nothing has to change.”

“No.” It took a moment for Amira to realize it was her who had spoken, she felt distant and separate from herself. Like this was just a terrible dream that she could wake up from at any moment. Maker, she had never wished she was in the Fade as badly as she did in this moment. “ _ No _ , Alistair. You can’t think-- you can’t actually think I’d be okay with that?” She ripped her hands away from him, standing up and clutching her arms in a white knuckled grip. She suddenly wanted to be as far away from him as possible. How could he even suggest--! Did he not know her at all?!

“What do you expect me to do Alistair? Just smile and watch you marry another woman? Pretend it doesn’t matter that in the eyes of the world you’ll be her’s?” She could feel her temper rising as more words came spilling out. Empty numbness gave way to a tidal wave of terrible, awful feelings, and anger was leading the charge. “Am I supposed to be your dirty secret?” She demanded, vision blurring as tears stung her eyes. “The King’s elvhen whore?”

Alistair stepped back like she’d slapped him. Good. Good, she wanted him to hurt, she wanted him to hurt as much as he was hurting her.

“Maker no! Amira I would never think that about y--!”

“But it’s what the rest of the world would see!” she yelled. Even if he didn't start out seeing her that way, could it last? How long would it take for him grow ashamed of her? Before she was just a stain on the King’s good name? Without meaning to ice began to crystallize along her knuckles, her breath coming out in cold, visible puffs.

“But Cassian sai--”

“Oh course! Of course this was  _ Cassian’s  _ idea” her voice dripped with acid, as everything started to fall into place. Of course that self serving, treacherous little rat was behind this idea; it was so blatantly Orlesian she was surprised it didn’t come tied up in a frilly, bead embroidered bow and reeking of unnecessarily expensive perfume. As much as she hated Cassian in that moment though, it didn’t change the fact that it was Alistair standing in front of her. It was Alistair saying these things. Alistair  _ choosing  _ this. Cassian was a lot of terrible, crafty things, but he couldn’t just make Alistair want something, not without his consent. And apparently a throne he'd never wanted, a responsibility he'd insisted shouldn't be his, that was what he would choose over her.

“That’s not true! Okay, yeah, he suggested it, but it makes sense! If I marry Anora then she’ll be on our side and can keep ruling and help me learn. And everyone who wants a Therien on the throne will be happy too. It’s the best way to avoid a civil war.” She was too angry and hurt to acknowledge whatever logic this plan might have. Of course it was  _ logical _ , Cassian’s plans always were. They were just the kind of logic that ignored everyone and everything that had to be hurt along the way to make them work. What did lives and people matter if the job got done, right? Alistair sounded so small, but his voice was sure. “Mira It’s the best solution we have.”

“It sounds like you’ve already made you decision.” Amira said quietly after a long, tense moment. Amira did her best to try to hold onto her anger. Anger was safe. As long as she was angry she could keep herself from falling apart for just a moment longer. “If you marry her…” She took a deep, shuddering breath, and looked into his eyes even as her heart was shattering. She knew her decision too. “If you marry her I can’t be with you. I won’t.”

Alistair didn’t say anything, just stared at her open mouthed, tears running down his own cheeks. But as wrecked as he looked he didn’t waver. His resolve to do his duty still stood firmly in place. Amira smiled without an ounce of happiness and looked away. It had been childish to even hope. Amira walked past him, ignoring the halting way he said her name. As if there was anything he could say to change her mind and keep her from leaving. Well there was one thing, she thought ruefully, but he’d already made it clear it was the one thing he wouldn’t choose. With her hand on the doorknob she paused, just for a moment, though she refused to look back. “I hope this is what will make you happy Alistair.”

And despite everything, she meant it.

 

***

Part of Amira wanted to track down Cassian and beat him until she stopped feeling like the world was falling apart, or he stopped breathing. Whichever came first. But the thought of giving him, or Morrigan the satisfaction of seeing her break down was one more beating than her pride could take today. She settled for storming through the castle like the living embodiment of the fury of the Maker himself. There was only so long she could keep up the facade though. Thinking about Cassian helped, picturing that blighted little fuck’s face made anger come like breathing. She suddenly regretted stopping Leliana from killing him in the mountains. Really, she should have helped. As quickly as she could Amira found her way to a secluded bit of garden off the beaten path, where hopefully no one would find her. Hidden behind hedges and flowers that were far too bright for her mood she sunk down against one of the garden walls, and buried her face in her knees. She didn’t want to do this, she didn’t want to feel this, she thought desperately, near silent tears slipping down her cheeks as the anger slipped through her fingers and crippling, choking misery settled in it’s place.

Her solitude didn’t last nearly as long as she would have hoped however. As footsteps drew near Amira prayed she’d hidden herself well enough that they would just walk by without noticing her. She hated to let anyone see her cry. Even as a little girl she’d always preferred hiding herself away in broom cupboards when the world was too much. Jowan had understood that, he’d never pushed Amira, just stood guard outside the door and kept the world at bay for her. But Jowan wasn’t here to play guard anymore. No one was, she thought ruefully as the footsteps stopped in front of her. Amira didn't look up more than an inch, not enough that whoever it was would be able to see more than the top of her head, but it was enough to tell her who it was. Wynne was the only mage in their group who actually wore robes anymore. "Don't." She warned, hating how unsteady her voice sounded, like she was just shy of breaking. She hated how pathetic she was after a year of fighting to be someone stronger than the little girl who’d been locked away in a tower. “Please just don’t, I know what you want to say and--” Her voice broke as she tried to choke back a sob.

Wynne sighed, kneeling down in front of her and reaching out to stroke her hair. “Oh, my dear, I didn’t want to be right.” She sounded so tired, so painfully sincere, and suddenly Amira couldn’t fight it back anymore. Wynne held her as she sobbed, stroking her hair, and whispering soothing words that’s meanings floated between Amira’s ears without any impact.

She loved him. She loved him so much more than she’d ever thought possible, but it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough. Had she ever been, for anyone? Jowan, Irving: if she looked at her life honestly who in it had she ever loved that didn’t end up leaving her for something better, for something more important, or someone she couldn’t be? Amira realized in a detached sort of way (because she already hurt too much for one more terrible, awful, truth to make a difference) that she was always the one left behind caring too much.


	19. The Landsmeet

Amira knew she should be nervous about what they were about to walk into. The Landsmeet was what they'd been building toward since they'd woken up in Flemeth's hut. Stopping Loghain, uniting Ferelden against the Blight, everything was riding on this and Amira just felt...tired. Alistair had tried to speak with her a few times since they'd assembled, but she'd given him the cold shoulder, keeping Cassian between herself and Alistair, and Morrigan between herself and Cassian.

So much for family, she thought bitterly.

The leg work they'd done over the past weeks looked to be paying off. For every defense of his actions Loghain raised they had a counter, backed by hard evidence and the voices of nobles around the room. Even Anora played her part as she'd promised, standing with them against her father. It was going just as planned, the vote turned to their favor. Of course none of that had ended up mattering and the entire thing was now to be decided in a duel. She was starting to wonder why they even bothered anymore.

“And who shall fight as Champion of the Wardens?” Loghain sneered.

Morrigan and Alistair were out immediately. Even if Morrigan could have been convinced to risk herself in such a way, advertising that they traveled with an apostate in the middle of the Landsmeet would be nothing but foolish. Alistair was to be king (even in her head the word was sour and harsh) so they could hardly risk him. Which left…

“Amira shall fight for the Wardens.”

Which left Cassian to throw her to the wolves. Typical.

“My apologies Amira, but my shoulders have been really sore.” Cassian said stretching his arms in a very over the top manner. “It’s probably because I’ve been carrying this team for so long.”

“I hate you.” Amira deadpanned.

“Draw your sword.” Loghain growled swinging his own in front of him.

“You would deny me the right to choose my own weapon? Am I not the challenged party?” Amira asked, raising her eyebrow. Her expression remained neutral, but inside her mind was racing. She'd made progress in leaps and bounds with her sword training in the past year, but it had still only been that: a year. Loghain had been wielding a sword longer than she'd been alive. If she tried to fight him without magic she would lose.

“A compromise then,” he offered easily, as if he'd expected her protest. He was haggling her, Amira realized. He'd offered a price he knew they'd never pay to make his real goal sound reasonable by comparison. “If you are amiable? We shall both wield a sword, but use of your magic shall not be prohibited. Assuming that blade at your hip is more than mere decoration.”

Amira paused as if mulling over his offer carefully. She didn't need to though, because Loghain had miscalculated. Most magic, without a staff, was either weak, hard to control, or incredibly draining. It took intense training, or an unreal amount of raw power to do any kind of casting of note without a foci, and Amira was sure Loghain knew that. He probably assumed she’d picked up a light blade on a whim, or after a close range fight gone wrong. It would have been a sensible choice, but more a last resort than a skill to rely on.

What he didn’t know, of course, were two very crucial things. The first, that Amira had spent the last year training herself with the knowledge of Dirth’ena Enasalin she’d been gifted. Her magic was her strength now, and magic was something she had in spades. The second, and equally important thing was that she’d been lucky enough to find a blade in the Temple of Sacred Ashes that her magic could make sing. With Spellweaver in her hand, she didn’t need a staff. “Agreed.” She answered, with a firm nod.

Those around them quickly cleared the floor, leaving Amira and Loghain to circle each other, weapons drawn. Loghain made the first move, coming at her with a relentless fury that Amira ducked and dodged. Slight, and swift, evasion had been something she'd been capable in before she'd ever picked up a blade. She couldn’t dance around his strikes forever though, already nicks and cuts decorated her arms and armor where she had been just a little too slow. Loghain brought his blade down with an impressive amount of force, Amira knew this was a blow she would need to defend against head on. Amira blocked, her augmented strength allowing her to stand firm, and unstaggered. She caught a look of surprise on Loghain’s face. He hadn’t expected her her to be able to withstand that; Amira resisted the urge to smirk.

They traded more blows, but Amira could tell the nature of Loghain’s attacks had changed. Gone was the relentless attempts to overwhelm her with power. He was evaluating her, trying to realign his perceptions of her abilities now that she'd defied them. She couldn't give him time to adjust.

Amira sprung backwards, twirling her blade in an arc through the open air. Spikes of ice grew from the blade’s path rushing toward Loghain. He reacted quickly, but not quickly enough. Amira pressed her advantage, sending out more spell cover to distract Loghain and obscure her approach as she tried to maneuver herself behind him. She needed to end this quickly. She had Loghain on the defensive now but she’d shown her hand, and she knew if she gave him time to adapt she’d be lost. A mind blast to the back had him stumbling forward onto his knees, ice to slow him, and her blade was at his throat before he could recover.

“I yield!”

Amira nearly froze. Maker’s breath she’d actually won. Amira let her blade fall to her side, taking a step backwards as she stared at Loghain’s hunched back.

“What are you doing? Finish him!” Alistair demanded, stepping forward, and for the first time since they’d ended things Amira caught his gaze. Amira wanted Loghain dead for all he’d done to them, for the Warden and elvhen blood on his hands. But Alistair wanted it more than any of them. “You do it.” Amira said softly, looking away from him as she offered him her sword. Just let this day be done with.

***

 

“Wait!”

Everyone in the hall turned to see who spoke out against the will of the future King. Amira paused her movement, her sword half extended to Alistair. The only person who did not look was Loghain who stared at the ground, waiting for his end.

From the crowd emerged Riordan, he looked better then when Cassian had last seen him in the dungeons of Howe’s home. He’d gained back some of the weight he had lost and the armor he wore was much nicer.

“What do you mean wait?” Alistair challenged, annoyance clear in his voice. “This man is a traitor to Ferelden, he left Duncan and the King to die. He needs to die!”

“Not necessarily, he may have use within the Wardens.” Riordan said evenly.

Cassian watched as poor Alistair tried to begin to comprehend what Riordan was suggesting. Part of him was actually inclined to agree with Alistair, letting Loghain live could be dangerous. His existence would leave Alistair and Anora’s authority as monarchs in a more precarious position. That being said, Riordan was the senior most Grey Warden, he wouldn’t suggest letting Loghain live without reason.

“No, no! Absolutely not! He cannot be allowed to live.” Alistair refuted.

“Tis like watching a child throw a tantrum.” Morrigan muttered quietly beside Cassian. He snorted at her observation.

“It is only a suggestion, but one I beg you to consider.”

Before Alistair could open his mouth again, Cassian spoke. “Very well. Let’s conscript him.”

“No!” Alistair shouted nearly stamping his foot. “You will not!” He suddenly crossed the hall standing nose to nose with Cassian. “I order you.” He growled out.

“You are not my King, and you are not a Grey Warden, right now, you are nothing and no one. Your word means nothing. Stand down and let the Wardens decide what to do.” Cassian spoke quietly and evenly.

It was clear that Alastair was barely holding himself back from punching him. He turned desperately to Amira, pleading with her. “Mira, please. You can’t allow this man to live! He’s a monster!”

Amira could barely look at him, she seemed to find the floor as interesting as Loghain did. Finally she looked at Cassian and spoke. “You can’t seriously be considering this, can you?”

“I am, Riordan is our Commanding Officer and we should heed his advice. Besides, we just made our backup Warden a King, we may be in need of a new one.”

Amira stared at him, thinking hard. Cassian had no doubt that she would eventually agree. She was both physically and emotionally exhausted after the last few days. And doing this would hurt Alistair. Whether she admitted it or not, Cassian knew that some small part of her wanted him to hurt as much as she did. This would be the best way to do that.

“Fine.” Amira said nodding once, looking incredibly tired. “Maybe if we’re lucky the Joining will kill him” she muttered darkly.

“Very well, Loghain Mac Tir you are hereby conscripted into the Grey Warden’s.” Riordan announced to the room.

“Do what you must.” Loghain acquiesced, already being led away by the guards.

Anora looked relieved that her father was going to live. Alastair on the other hand looked both utterly betrayed and absolutely livid. He stormed over to Cassian.

“You will regret this! Mark my words, you will regret this.”

Cassian cocked his head. “Regret is for people who have honour. Congratulations on the country your majesty, may you live well and regret nothing.”

With that Cassian smirked and followed Loghain out of the room. The rest of the group trailing out behind him. As they left Cassian heard the begining of what was sure to be an rousing, albeit awkward speech as Alistair and Anora jointly addressed the Landsmeet.


	20. In Which Amira is Not in a Good Place

“I can’t decide what’s worse.” Amira said with a quiet contempt that was void of any hint of compassion or empathy. “The idea that you did all of this just for power, or the thought that you actually believe all of it. That you’re so blinded by your own hatred that you’d burn Fereldan in the name of saving it.”

“I need not justify myself to  _ you _ .” Loghain said, with whatever quiet dignity he had left to muster. Considering he was sitting in a poor excuse for a camp surrounded by people who wanted him dead it was more than he probably should have been able to manage. “Everything I have done has been for the good of the people of Ferelden.”

Amira laughed mirthlessly, staring him down unflinchingly. Lately she felt too numb most days for that to be a possibility. “Right. Tell that to the families of the people of Ferelden you sold to Tevinter. I’m sure that will make them feel better.” She tilted her head, widening her eyes in mock realization. “Or does it not count because they were elves? Fereldan enough to fight and die under your command, but not enough to be worth protecting. You’re no different from him” she muttered in disgust, jerking her head in Cassian’s direction. “At the end of the day nothing and no one matter as long as your goal gets met, right? You two deserve each other.”

 

***

Cassian and Morrigan observed Amira as she spoke to Loghain by the campfire. They were still a few weeks out from Orzammar. The events of the Landsmeet still fresh in everyone's minds. Although some more so than others. 

“She is not taking the breakup very well, is she?” Morrigan asked watching Amira snarled something at the fallen general.    
  
“No she’s not, but on the other hand. Alistair is king and away from the Wardens.”   
  
“Yes and remind me again why you felt that was so important.” Morrigan asked, amused by Cassian’s glee over the situation.

“Well whether or not Alistair succeeds as king is inconsequential. Not that Anora would let him fail to begin with… either way, better all of Ferelden falls to his incompetence then the Grey Wardens. We can’t survive a Blight without them.”   
  
Morrigan watched Cassian intensely for a moment. “...How long have you been planning this?” She finally asked curiously.

“Umm, pretty much since I went fishing in the lake by your home in the Kocari Wilds.”   
  
Morrigan raised her eyebrows surprised by his answer. “You’ve been planning that for the better part of a year? Tis impressive.” Cassian smiled sheepishly, pleased by her complement. She stared at the fire in front of their tent for a few more moments. Then suddenly she leaned over and kissed him passionately. 

They pulled away after a few moments and Cassian looked at her slightly confused. “What was that for?” He asked smiling. 

“I have decided that your ability to plan long term for things that could ruin other people's lives is a very attractive quality in you.” She said grinning, slightly embarrassed at admitting such a thing. 

Cassian grinned widely, clearly happy with her revelation. “Well you should just wait and see what I have planned next.”

  
Morrigan nodded, her features becoming more strained. “Come now, we should sleep, we have a long day ahead of us.” She said changing the subject.    
  
Cassian nodded and followed her lead. They fell asleep to the sound of a roaring fire and the distinct lack of the sounds of Amira and Alistair having rather poorly disguised sex.


	21. The Long Road Home

Loghain Mac Tir sat near the fire, away from the rest of the main party of course. No one wanted be sit near the “traitor.” Not that Loghain really cared, he’d lost everything in the Landsmeet, he followed the group because he was bound to by duty and oath, nothing more.  

According to the drunken dwarf that had recently joined their group, they had been in the Deep Roads for about six days. Six days, and they had barely even begun the long journey that they needed to make to find Branka and the Anvil. Most likely they would fail and die down here among the Darkspawn. A fitting death for a Grey Warden, even one such as himself.

The sound of someone approaching caused him to look up from the fire. Loghain could seen Cassian approaching with a bowl of stew. He plopped down unceremoniously across the fire from him, and began to devour his meal. Loghain watched him for a long moment before interrupting the silence that started to set in. 

“Shouldn’t you be with the Witch?”

Cassian paused mid bite, his eyes flicked up to Loghain. 

“She is reading, and has asked for some privacy while she does, I’m sitting here because Amira is still upset.”

Loghain arched an eyebrow but said nothing as Cassian returned to his stew.

“I have a question for you” Loghain said quietly.

Without pausing his eating Cassian responded “ You have already asked me one.”

“Fine then, I wish to ask you another.”

Cassian let out an unnecessarily long sigh and set down his food. Loghain took this as the go ahead to ask his question.

“Why did you advocate to save me? Everyone else Amira, Alistair, Sten they all wanted me dead, but you went against the group majority and convinced them otherwise, why do that?

Cassian regraded Loghain the flames making his dark eyes look ghoulish in the dim light. The silence stretched on and Logain began to think the Cassian would not answer the question, or fell asleep with his eyes open, the elf had proven to be rather insane, and this would not be totally out of character for him. 

Suddenly Cassian spoke.

“Did you know that I am not from the Denerim Alienage? I lived there most of my formative years, but I was actually born in the Halamshiral Alienage. My mother worked as a Bard for one of the nobles of the court, she taught me everything about the Game, and the basics of fighting. When I was 9 the noble she served had to go to Denerim for political business or some such. Not wanting to be without his trusted Bard he moved my mother, me and my father to Denerim. After about 6 months my mom died as a casualty in the Game. The noble not wanting to deal with us lowly elves gave my father some money, and left us to our devices. My father bought a small house in the Denerim Alienage, and that was where I grew up.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Loghain countered.

Cassian regarded him thoughtfully for a moment then continued.

“I know how you feel about Orlesians, I know that you hate them more then anything. You have nearly destroyed this country because of that deep seeded hatred. I bet it’s in your bones, soaked in like water after a heavy rain. How do you feel know that I am one? Knowing this will you still follow me into battle and fight alongside me?”

Loghain was quiet for a minute his eyes narrowing at this new information. Then spoke softly “Yes.”

“I thought so” Cassian smirked “ you are a man of honour, even when you have nothing else, you have that, I bet it’s what you think makes you better then any Orlesian, no matter how great or noble they are. Even if Loghain Mac Tir is lower than shit, he’s still better than any  _ Orlesian _ .”

Loghain’s continued silence was all of the conformation either of them needed.

“I want you know something… It’s important, and I want you to remember it for as long as we travel together.” Cassian continued. 

“I hate Ferelden, I hate the weather, I hate the drab colours, I hate the food, and the smells, and the dogs. Oh, how I hate this place. If hell were to exist in Thedas it would be in this backwater country.”

Loghain’s fists clenched as this, he tensed up, and stared at Cassian who seemed completely unperturbed by Loghain change in demeanor. 

“Ferelden has taken my mother, my ears, and the quiet life I could have had. When that is stripped away, even being a Warden, all I have left is my nationality, which I can proudly say is Orleasion. The only good thing this country has managed to produce are its mages.” 

Loghain scoffed at that “I can see why you would count the Witch given your relationship with her, but do you really count Amira as well?”

“Of course, Amira and I disagree on nearly everything, but that doesn't mean that I can’t see the greatness within her. She is better than me, you, and Alistar. Amira embodies the true idea of what a Warden should be.’ 

‘It’s unfortunate for you Loghain, that Amira doesn't want anything to do with you, she despises you and everything you and your actions have cost her. Which means that the burden of leading you has fallen to me.”

Cassian’s smirk pulled back into an almost manic grin, Loghain shifted slightly, uncomfortable with the strange elfs expression. The fire casting sharp shadows doing nothing to alleviate the sinisterness of this shared moment.

“The reason Loghain Mac Tir, that I saved you is because I intend to kill you myself. Your death will not come in some epic battle or clash of wills between us. No, your death with come when I decide it. There will come a moment when I will order you into a battle that you cannot win, and you being the man of honour will go willingly. I want you to remember that this death I have chosen for you has been decided by an Orlesian with no honour. Anyone can see that I lack it, but we both know that you will do as I ask when the time comes, because if you don’t then you will be not better than a dirty Orleasion pig.”

It was dead quiet after that. Cassian’s glited gleefully in the fire's light. Loghain was trembling with barely controlled rage, staring down the elf across from him.

Finally Loganin spat out in a deadly quiet tone “Walk away, right now.” 

Cassian just smiled like nothing of importance had really happened. He got up and started to walk towards where Morrigan was sitting reading her book.  

Before he was within earshot of the group Cassian turned around and called back to Loghain, “Don’t stray to far Dog Lord, it’s not time to put you down yet.“


	22. Oh Snap, He Did That

Three months, three full fucking months the group had been down in the Deep Roads fighting their way to Caridin's Cross, hoping to find Branka and the Anvil of the Void. Cassian had just about had it with the whole being underground deal. When they got back to the surface he was going to climb a tree, and then jump out of said tree just for the freedom of being able to to. 

The farther they went into the Deep Roads the scarier the whole place got. The roads became less roadlike and more tunnel like after a while. Also the population of darkspawn and deepstalker’s had increased significantly. On the upside, Sten of all people had figured out how to cook a very delicious deepstalker stew. 

The system for traveling the Deep Roads was rather simple. The main group travels ahead while the rest stay about a half day behind them bringing up the rear. Currently their main group was Cassian, Morrigan, Amira and Zevran. Amira had wanted to bring Loghain with them, but Cassian had pointed out that someone who sensed darkspawn should be with the group. After several minutes of threatening Loghain, Wynne had shooed her away. That had been three months ago. The system hadn’t much changed since.

They continued farther down into the darkness, Cassian noticed that the rocks felt different here. Older and almost chalky, brittle even. He wished they had Oghren with them, he was almost constantly drunk, but he knew more about tunnels then the rest of the group combined. 

Cassian suddenly started to feel a buzzing at the base of his skull, like someone had unleashed a swarm of bees in his brain. He looked to Amira and saw that she had a similar expression of discomfort on her face. That could only mean one thing, darkspawn. 

Amira drew her sword shouting a warning to the rest of the group. The tunnel was narrow and didn’t leave much room for them to fan out. Cassian heard a noise behind him and turned to see darkspawn swarming out the of the tunnel behind him. He had been holding up the rear in the event that this very thing happened. He moved forward to engage them while the rest ran to catch up. 

He cut down the first two darkspawn with ease. He twisted slightly and moved forward to engage a rather large Hurlock in battle. Suddenly a blast of energy shot past his head barely missing him. A Darkspawn Emissary was farther down the tunnel launching blasts of who knows what at him. Cassian stabbed the Hurlock in the chest and charged forward to kill the Emissary before something happened like- 

BOOOOOM!!!

A particularly powerful spell had launched past him and had collided with the top of the tunnel. Cassian’s instincts had been right. The tunnel was not structurally sound. The group rumbled and shifted under his feet. Suddenly the ground seemed to heave up and then shift down. He  could feel himself falling and then… darkness.

 

***

Amira ignored the sharp bits of rock digging into her palms as she stared at the wall the cave in had formed. Cassian was in there, under there, more likely. It was an innocuous end, all things considered. She’d always expected he’d go out in a blaze of glory, or beaten to a pulp by one of their group (her, probably her. She’d thought about it enough times down here.) She felt… strangely void on the whole thing, considering how many times she’d thought about wanting him dead. It was probably shock. Amira felt hands on her arms, as Zevran tried to help her up. He’d been sticking close to her since they’d gotten down here. He and Leliana both had been hovering since the Landsmeet. It would be sweet if she wasn’t starting to find it frustrating. She found a lot of things frustrating lately.

Without really thinking about it Amira’s gaze sought Morrigan. She didn’t exactly know what she expected. Morrigan wore her emotions so close to her chest, one might as well need a dagger to pry them out, but she and Cassian were close. Had been close. She expect something, tears or disbelief or rage. Whatever she might have been expecting though, it wasn’t a tiny frown, and the look of mild inconvenience Morrigan wore. Maker, Alastair had been right about her, she was heartless.

The woman had spent nearly every Blighted moment since this all began by Cassian’s side, and his devotion to her was the only thing about him Amira didn’t think was an elaborate ruse. By the looks of things it had been a one sided devotion. Had she just been using him this entire time? Amira almost felt a stab of pity for Cassian, but then she remembered she was thinking of Cassian, who took unholy glee in destroying everything he touched, and the feeling passed.

Waving off Zevran’s fussing, she turned to the rest of the group. “We need to keep moving. We don’t know how long it’ll be before another darkspawn party finds us, and now we’re down a man.” Her eyes continued to stray to Morrigan as she spoke. She didn’t know what she was waiting for, a delayed reaction maybe? A request to stay for a moment to honor the dead? Morrigan, ever the pragmatist, went along without argument.

 

***

Morrigan was sitting at her tent as far away as she could from the rest of the group, Wynne had approached her earlier to offer her condolences about Cassian, but Morrigan had waved her off. After that the group seemed to be avoiding her, thinking she need space to process what happened to Cassian. To  _ mourn _ . They were being ridiculous. Cassian was not dead. She could feel him. He was alive, but unconscious somewhere in the labyrinth of the Deep Roads. Morrigan had no intention of searching for him. Staying with the group and seeing through the quest trumped any personal feelings she may have in this matter. Tis a weakness she could not afford. And yet…

The thought of completely abandoning him alone in the darkness made her ache. She loathed the feelings of dependence and safety that he inspired in her. Cassian made her feel unburdened and light and protected, he made her laugh. She hated how much she loved those feelings. He would ruin everything, and she would end up breaking him. It was best to let him die. Even after what happened at Fort Drakon her need to survive still warred with her devotion to him. She could not- would not leave the group to go on some half baked mission to find him. Twas foolish. 

Of course there was another option… Morrigan stared at her fire thinking hard. It would be a compromise of sorts. She wouldn’t go looking for Cassian, but she would give him the tools to find her. The rest was up to him and his abilities. If he died so be it. It was fair, Morrigan tried to convince herself. Sighing to herself she pulled out a ring from her bag. It was a simple band, gold with no jewels on it, but some intricate designs. Cassian had made it himself, he claimed he wanted to master rune crafting, she suspected he may have other plans for the skill as well. He‘d given her the ring as a gift. Saying it was only fair they had a matching set. A joke of course, but one that was about to take an ironic turn. 

Morrigan held the ring in one hand and pulled out a knife that she kept on her. She made a small cut on her thumb and flinching slightly as she smeared the blood along the face of the ring. Morrigan closed her eyes and concentrated, focusing on Cassian and the ring he was wearing. After a few moments she opened her eyes, the spell complete.

She had bound the ring Cassian had made for her to the one she had given him. Now he would be able to sense her location, and if he was capable, find her.

 

***

Amira was ready to make her deal with Caridin. Even as she did so she could hear Branka begging her not to, that the Anvil needed to be preserved for the sake of Dwarven history. Amira ignored her. Branka was wrong, that Anvil was wrong, the whole situation was wrong. But this, destroying the Anvil, that would make things a little more right.

CRACK!-

Just as Amira opened her mouth to agree with Caridin’s terms an axe came flying out of nowhere and embedded itself in Caridin’s head. The Golem stumbled backwards, Amira watched in horror as he tipped over the side of the cliff leading to the Anvil and fell into the lava below. The rest of the group watched mouths agape as this happened, nothing they could do could stop it from happening.

Finally Amira’s brain caught up with what had just happened, she whipped around sword drawn ready to face her enemy only to be met with the sight of a very tired, and very dirty looking Cassian. She didn’t immediately put away her sword.

“You guys would not believe the day I have been having.”

“You’ve been gone for the better part of a week my friend.” Zevran offered.

“A whole glorious week.” Amira muttered. It might have been terrible in other ways, but at least there had been no Cassian.

Cassian looked past them staring off into the distance with a rather inconvenienced look on his face. “That would explain the fatigue.” Cassian mushed. “Branka, listen up, we got about two minutes before I pass out so here’s the deal. Make a crown for Behlin, use the Anvil to build more Golems for the Blight, and then destroy the thing when it’s over.” 

“You can’t be serious! She’s deranged!” Amira growled angrily. The woman had thrown her own house to the darkspawn (Amira held back a shudder as she remembered the broodmother, and what,  _ who _ , it had once been) what could she be capable of doing to anyone else? 

“You know what Amira? I’ve been having a really crappy week. I’ve been wandering this maze that is the Deep Roads trying to catch up with you, fighting off hordes of monsters all by myself. It has not been fun.” Cassian began to advance on Amira, his frustration becoming clear. “I have had it up to here with you self righteousness, and you sickenly good morals. Caradin is dead, I killed him. We have to work with Branka, and she is going to use the Anvil. If you have a problem with that you can come back here and deal with it after the Blight is over.”

Cassian was basically nose to nose with Amira by the end of his rant. Behind him Morrigan was holding her staff ready to strike if Amira made the wrong move. Farther back she could see Oghren and Branka also fanning out to attack. All Amira had with her was Zevran. For once Amira was outnumbered.

If looks could kill Cassian would have been dead three times over. “Fine.” she spat, though nothing in her body language seemed to agree with the fact that she was backing down. As much as she hated to admit it he was right. They needed the dwarves if they were going to stop this Blight with the least amount of carnage. No one knew more about fighting darkspawn. And unfortunately the only way to get them was with Branka’s help. “But I will come back, this thing is an abomination.”

Cassian held her gaze for a moment longer and then turned to look at Branka. Upon seeing her his face twisted into one of absolute disgust. “Get to work.” her snarled to her his dislike of her finally showing for the first time. As he hobbled off towards the exit of the cave. Morrigan walked towards him wrapping an arm around his waist to help him walk muttering something unheard to the rest of the group in Cassian’s ear.

Probably some lie about how she was worried about him Amira thought darkly. They deserved each other.

 

***

The party had decided to camp just outside the entrance to the Avail, Branka was hard at work crafting a crown worthy of the soon to be king of Orzammar. Once Morrigan helped Cassian outside of the cave he’d pretty much picked a nice patch of rock and collapsed onto it, falling asleep right away. A few hours later  the rest of the party met up with them. Everyone was fairly shocked to see Cassian alive and wellish. 

“Amira, follow me, we need to check Cassian for injuries, and this will be a good opportunity for you to learn how to identify broken bones.” Wynne made her way over to where Cassian was sleeping, Morrigan had set up her tent around him and was sitting near keeping watch. “Move aside girl, we need to check in for injuries.” Morrigan gave them both a dirty look and was about to respond when Cassian’s eyes suddenly popped open.

“Where am I?” He asked starting slightly.

You’re still in the Deep Roads, remember?” Morrigan explained patiently. Cassian eyed Morrigan for a minute. Then his eyes slid over to where Wynne and Amira were standing. “What do you want?” He asked suspiciously. 

“We need to check your body for injuries.” Wynne explained patiently. 

“I think you just want an opportunity to take a peek at my amazing body. Spoiler alert, it’s phenomenal. Morrigan can confirm.” Morrigan simply raised an eyebrow at this. Cassian sighed. “Fine you can check, but leave my shirt on. I don’t want either of you swooning at the sight of my amazing abs.”

“Oh please, you have nothing to worry about.” Amira snarked. Wynne just looked exasperated.

As they began to examine Cassian for any injuries, Morrigan walked off to the side pulling out a book, and reading seeming completely uninterested in what was happening to her supposed lover.

Amira tried to her best pay attention to what Wynne was saying, but she couldn’t help but shoot Morrigan dirty looks occasionally. Not that she noticed, she was so engrossed in one of her books she wasn’t paying attention to anything else. She was supposed to care about him, but apparently she couldn’t even be bothered to sit beside him for the examination. 

After about an hour Amira and Wynne finished their work. The final verdict was that Cassian had a cracked skull, two broken fingers, a fractured femur, and four broken ribs. Wynne was impressed that was all of the damage he had received. Once they finished, the two of them got up and walked back towards where the main camp was. Morrigan moved to sit beside Cassian once they had left.

“Lift up your shirt and let me see.” Cassian turned he head to look at Morrigan blankly. “Don’t give me that look. I know you hurt your chest it’s why you asked them not to remove your shirt.” 

Cassian looked at her a moment longer, and then reached down to pull up his shirt. Underneath his stomach was littered with a myriad of cuts. Some of them were rather deep, but a lot of them seemed be superficial. All of them were red and inflamed, clearly infected. Morrigan also noted a few bit marks in the area as well. Morrigan reached behind her and began pulling ingredients out of the kit she carried with her. She also pulled out the book she had been reading earlier and started flipping through it. 

“What did this? It doesn't look like a darkspawn attacked you…” Cassian wouldn’t look at her. She could sense his anxiety. “If you don't want to talk about it it’s fine, but you need to tell me what did it so I can mix you a proper antidote because whatever did that was clearly venomous. For all Wynne’s knowledge of healing, she knows nothing of poisonous creatures.”

“It was a deepstalker.” Cassian whispered out softly, still not looking at her. Morrigan immediately started flipping through her book to a relevant section, and began to mix a salve to put on his cuts. She worked in silence for several minutes before Cassian spoke. “When I woke up my right leg was buried under some rocks and I couldn’t move.” Morrigan nodded at this, it would explain the femur. “I was stuck in a small cave created by the avalanche, and it was… really dark. Despite the fact that they live underground I guess when deepstalkers are trapped in a tight space they freak out. They were frantically trying to dig their way out of the cave. They tried…” Cassian choked up slightly at this his eyes watering. Morrigan paused what she was doing to look more fully at him. “They tried to dig their way out though my stomach.” He laughed harshly. “I guess human flesh and dirt are the same to them.” 

There was a long silence after that Morrigan stared at Cassian not knowing what to say. To be trapped alone in darkness with creatures panicking like that. It sounded terrifying. Finally Morrigan turned back to what she was working on. She added a few more ingredients and started to lay a foul smelling paste into Cassian's abdomen. He wrinkled his nose and hissed, flinching away when it came into contact. 

“Lie still, this will help with the pain.” Morrigan continued to work in silence. After a few moments she finally spoke. “You were very brave, I’m sorry I could not be there to protect you.”

Cassian caught her hand, his eyes glittering in the firelight. “You did, thank you for leading me to you.” As he said this his hand moved to finger the new ring that Morrigan was wearing on her hand. He tugged her hand slightly moving to kiss her open palm. “I’m gonna pass out for a while, is that ok?”

Morrigan gave a small smile and nodded. Cassian shut his eyes and immediately fell asleep while Morrigan finished applying the rank smelling paste she made. 


	23. The Offer

Cassian slammed the door to his room open and started pacing immediately, his mind whirling. They had recently returned from the Deep Roads and where starting to plan their attack on the main horde. Riordan had pulled aside Cassian, Amira and Loghain to speak privately. Riordan had just confirmed what Cassian had suspected for a very long time. The true sacrifice of a Warden. Slaying the Archdemon meant death for the Warden who killed it. Cassian had hoped this was not the case. Unfortunately it made sense, victory was never that simple.

Of course the choice had been obvious, Loghain was to be the one who slew the Archdemon if Riordan failed. It was one of the few times that Cassian and Amira had immediately agreed on something. Which was practically apocalyptic in and of itself.

Still, Cassian was worried. It was quite possible that both Riordan and Loghain could fail. Then the burden would fall to Cassian or Amira. And Cassian did not want to die. The thought of death was terrifying.

Cassian’s hands shook as he ran them through his hair, taking deep ragged breaths. He felt over heated, suffocating and as the reality of what tomorrow held for him sunk in. he needed to run, get as far away from this place as possible. He could cross the border to Orlais or perhaps take a boat up to Antiva, anywhere was better then this place.

Suddenly he felt cool hands on either side of his face, Morrigan gently leaned down and kissed his forehead and either side of his cheeks, and finally his lips.

“I take it that Riordan finally told you of the true sacrifice the Grey Warden’s must make?” Cassian stared at Morrigan wide eyed and nodded wordlessly. Morrigan sighed. “I thought as much, it takes a lot to rattle you, my love.”

“I don't want to die.” Cassian said his voice cracking, his hands still shaking.

Morrigan took his hands in her own and nodded. “I know, there is another way to ensure that you avoid death.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know of a ritual, performed on the eve of battle that would ensure whomever slew the Archdemon survived.”

Cassian frowned slightly at that. “What kind of ritual.”

Morrigan let go of his hands and circled around the room coming to a stop at the bed, she sat on it and looked at him intensely. “Lie with me tonight and we shall create a child. When the Archdemon is slain, it’s uncorrupted soul will seek out a new host, instead of the Warden who kills it, the Archdemon soul will come to the unborn child I carry.”

Cassian stared at her for a moment, trying to wrap his head around what Morrigan was suggesting. “You want to have a child?... with me? ...Wow, even I didn’t see that one coming.” Cassian muttered to himself.

Morrigan chuckled at his comment. “I do, you should know, that after the battle is done, no matter what you decide here and now, I am going to leave. And you cannot follow me.”

“I don’t understand. Why do you want to leave? I can come with you, wherever it is you want to go. I’d follow you anywhere.” Cassian said the last part desperately as he sat beside her on the bed.

“This child will have a destiny and I wish to raise it as I choose. You would be… a distraction.”  
  
“Wait.” Cassian said standing up suddenly. “Is this the reason you’re with me? Since the very beginning? Because you wanted me to get you pregnant?!” Cassian stared off into space as his reality came crashing around him. “I am _such_ a fool…” He said quietly.

“No!” Morrigan said suddenly standing up and walking towards him. She took his face in he hands and angled his face to look at her. “That is not why I am with you. Perhaps it was in the beginning… you and I, our goals and ambitions have always aligned. Just as the do now. I did not anticipate falling in love with you. _You_ are the love of my life. I don’t want to see you die.”

“Flemeth was right.” Cassian said sadly, pulling away from her. “Your own ambitions exceed everything else.” Cassian turned and walked across the room, his hands on his hips he stared out the window. He didn’t want to die, and while a child was never something he had wanted, the idea of he and Morrigan creating a child was… tolerable, even if he would have to abandon the child immediately. Above all he loved Morrigan, and he would do anything for her. Even this. “Very well, I will give you your child. I will honor your request to be left to your own devices after. You will not see me again.”  
  
Morrigan walked over to Cassian and stood behind him, she kissed his shoulder gently. “Thank you.” She breathed out, the relief was palpable in her voice. “Come my love, there is much to do before daybreak.”

Cassian nodded and smiled sadly. Together they fell into bed.


	24. Chapter 24

As far as epic battles went, Cassian had to say he was pretty sure they were doing ok. Sure there were a ton of Darkspawn everywhere. Most of Denerim was on fire and the Archdemon was raining death from above. Still, his favorite food stall in the Denerim Market hadn’t been destroyed yet, so that was a plus. 

The rest of their companions were fighting down in the market. Sten was leading them so their chances of survival were pretty good. Over the last several hours the main party had been fighting their way to Fort Drakon, and they had just finally made it to the top. It had been decided the night before that Loghain would be the one to deliver the final blow to the Archdemon, sparing Amira and Cassian. Cassian smirked as he thought about the look on Amira’s face when she realized that Loghain hadn’t died killing the monster. He imaged that she would have a very furrowed brow. 

The night before he and Morrigan had performed a ritual that would keep whomever struck the final blow to the Archdemon from dying. It had been done so Cassian wouldn't die if he wound up being the one to deliver the killing blow, and it had also been done for power, Morrigan loved her power. His smile disappeared after that… Morrigan had been insistent that no matter how the battle went she would leave after it was over. Cassian was not to come looking for her or the child. 

He’d agreed to her terms, it’s what she wanted and he loved her, Cassian would grant her the peace that she wanted to raise their child alone. He would give her whatever she wanted, no matter the cost. She’d wanted to be present for the final battle, and he’d agreed despite his personal qualms about her new pregnancy.

He was pulled from his thoughts be Loghain gesturing for him to get into position. He needed to focus, he could dwell on what would happen after the battle…. After the battle he supposed. Loghain pushed open the doors to the roof of Fort Drakon and the group rushed into the fray. 

Amira and Morrigan fanned out providing them cover as Loghain and Cassian rushed up the middle. The Archdemon had been crippled and was letting out loud agonizing shrieks that made his skull want to split in two. There was Darkspawn everywhere, they seemed to be pouring out of every available opening. 

Amira was putting up walls of ice as quickly as she could while Morrigan had taken the slightly more aggressive approach of setting the whole area around her on fire. It was a rather marvelous sight if he was being honest. Cassian and Loghain were hacking their way up the middle, Darkspawn Alphas throwing everything they had at them. Both Loghanie and Cassian fought in tandem having perfected the art of fighting together while they were in the Deep Roads.

The two of them finally broke through the line and began their assault on the Archdemon. Cassian immediately went for its underbelly while Loghain went for its legs. Most likely hoping that he could maim it enough that it would stop moving about. All during this Amira and Morrigan continued to lay down cover fire to keep the Darkspawn off of them. 

Cassian was just about to deliver a rather devastating blow to  a section of the Archdemon where its’ underbelly met it’s front right shoulder when he felt an absolute agonizing pain in his lower abdomen. For a moment he thought Loghain had seen an opportunity to stab him and had taken it, but he could distantly hear him shouting to get his lazy Orleasion ass up. Cassian’s vision became spotty, maybe Amira had hit him with something?

That seemed rather petty of her especially since they were right in the middle of a battle. That seemed more like something he would do, or Morrigan- 

Morrigan. The ring! The pain wasn’t from him, he was feeling hers. In an almost blind panic he looked around wildly trying to spot where she was. He turned just in time to see Morrigan drop to her knees and fall forward as a Hurlock yanked its sword out of Morrigan's lower abdomen. 

Cassian scrambled to his feet grabbing one of his swords by the end, he spun around quickly releasing the sword and flinging it forward with a deadly accuracy as it impaled itself in the Hurlock’s chest. Effectively killing it. Cassian sprinted across the battlefield towards Morrigan. He heard Loghain yelling him to come back him up, but Cassian ignored him. What was the point of saving the world if Morrigan wasn’t going to be in it? 

He clambered up to rise that Morrigan had situated herself on. There was a lot of blood, to much. Cassian scooped her up in his arms, his hands shaking profusely as his tried to stop the bloodflow. For a few seconds it was quiet all he could hear was his frantic breathing and the thundering of his heartbeat. Morrigan was too still, he moved his other hand to check for a pulse….

There! She had one but it was faint, she needed help. No, a healer. He wasn't a healer, he couldn’t save her- Amira! 

Amira knew some healing, Wynne had been trying to teach her. Cassian cast around wildly looking for Amira, finally he spotted her, she had moved closer into the fray to help back up Loghain. The Archdemon was rearing up shrieking horribly. It knew the fight was almost over.

“Amira” he said the word and his voice cracked. He could barely get it out. Stop, he need to focus, be empty, hollow. To feel too much right now would get Morrigan killed. He need to focus.

“AMIRA!!” his voice boomed across the battlefield causing many of the darkspawn to stumble. In that moment he had never been so grateful for annoying Loghain into teaching him that trick, for it had worked. Amira turned to look at him, her face the usual mask of contempt when she had to deal with him.

He gestured as frantically as he could for her to come to him. Amira threw up a wall of ice to help slow the Archdemon down, effectively buying all of them a few moments. Amira jogged up to them. Slowing as she saw Cassian cradling Morrigan in a pool of her own blood. 

“Please help her.” Cassian’s voice came out quietly, slightly broken as the reality of losing Morrigan started to set in. Amira stopped, she looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face. “Please Amira, please help her. She can’t die please I am  _ begging _ you please don’t let her die. I’ll do anything, anything I swear it please save her.” Cassian’s voice was raw and desperate, he was babbling. The chances of Amira actually agreeing to do this were beyond slim. He’d taken so much from her. It was only fair that she do the same. Amira still stood watching him. Unmoving. 

Cassian leaned forward pulling Morrigan closer as a few tears fell down his face. Morrigan’s face was to pale she had lost too much blood, she’d be gone in less than a minute. Suddenly he was shoved to the side as Amira grabbed Morrigan and laid her flat on the ground. “Not a word Cassian, not a word.”

Cassian could only watch dumbfounded as Amira began to heal Morrigan. After a few moments there was no change, Morrigan was to still, she’d lost to much blood. 

KA-BOOOM!!!!! 

There was a huge explosion and a bright light, Cassian turned around to see Loghain had buried his sword deep in the Archdemon, a bright light lit up the sky as the beast screamed before it died. Loghain was flung backwards and fell unmoving to the ground. Dead. 

Suddenly he heard a choked gasp from behind him. Cassian spun around to see Morrigan breathing shallowly, still unconscious, but definitely alive as Amira continued to heal her. 

Morrigan was alive, but Loghain had died delivering the final blow to save Ferelden. Which could only mean that the child he and Morrigan had conceived the night before had been killed. Amira had been unable to save it; not that she had even known about it to begin with. 

As rain started to fall on the battlefield, the Darkspawn ran around confused, lost over the death of their master. Cassian reached out and held Morrigan's hand as Amira continued to work tirelessly to save her life. 

Cassian would not forget this, no matter what happened next he owed Amira a life. This was a debt he would repay in full. 


	25. Deals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who have read this story. Both of us have deeply enjoyed writing it and we hope that you enjoyed reading it just as much. Cassian and Amira's story will continue in Inconvenient Crossroads- Awakening. The first chapter should be out sometime next week.

Cassian and Amira sat in the war room of Denerim Palace. It had been five days since the Archdemon had been killed and the Blight had ended. In the time since then the group had been recovering. Those holding the front gate had sustained plenty of injuries. Oghren had broken his foot, and Leliana had received a rather nasty gash on her abdomen, and Zevran had gotten an arrow to the shoulder just to name a few. Those who had actually fought the Archdemon hadn’t fared any better. Loghain had died to almost everyone's relief. Morrigan had been seriously injured and was currently in a coma. Amira and Cassian had made it out relatively unscathed, both receiving a fair number of bumps and bruises, but nothing more.

Since the battle Wynne had been working overtime to get everyone back to full health. Bringing healing potions to Morrigan, changing the wounds on Zevran's shoulder, and even helping to make a cast for Oghren. Amira had tried to take over some of her duties, but Wynne had insisted on doing them herself. 

Cassian and Amira had been summoned to the war room to meet with the Queen and soon to be King of Ferelden. There had been no indication as to what they had wanted, and Amira and Cassian almost didn’t show up. Cassian had refused to leave Morrigan’s side since her injury, and Amira could barely look at Alistair. It was Wynne who had come in and dragged Amira out of her room to go to this meeting. Cassian had come after Leliana had spent nearly 45 minutes convincing him that he had to go and represent the Warden’s with Amira. To say that the both of them were excited to about this meeting was laughable. 

After a few more minutes a door opened and Anora and Alistair walked in, looking every inch the monarchs of Denerim. Anora took her seat with ease, Alistair on the other hand was less sure of himself. He looked at Amira desperately hoping to make some sort of eye contact with her. Any sort of connection. He then turned to Cassian, and his face clouded over. It was clear that Alistair blamed Cassian for Amira leaving him. Cassian found that with almost all things relevant to the future king that he didn’t much care what he thought. After another moment he took his seat. Cassian staring down the rulers, and Amira staring a hole in the table.

Anora spoke first. “I have summoned you here today-”

“You didn’t.”

Quite surprisingly it was Amira who spoke. She was still staring at the table, but there was steel in her voice. A tone Cassian was quite familiar with. Judging by the look on Alistair’s face he was not. “Wardens are not summoned, we are an independent party from any country in Thedas, and therefore exist outside of your jurisdiction. You invited us, we came.”

Cassian smirked at that. It had been well put, and served to remind Anora that even though they had saved her from imprisonment, that they had no political ties to Ferelden. The room was quiet after that, neither monarch knew how to best handle Amira. Cassian decided to take pity on the two of them, as fun as watching Alistair squirm was. “Why did you invite us to this meeting.”

Anora immediately latched onto his olive branch like a drowning man would a life raft. “We asked you here because the Darkspawn threat still persists. We want you both to go to Amaranthine and run the Ferelden branch of the Wardens. You would be our protectors.”

Interesting, Cassian mushed, a promotion. He had expected something of the sort, they had saved the world after all, but to run a branch of the Wardens was quite a lot of work. On the other hand once Morrigan woke up she would be gone, and Cassian would need something to do with the rest of his life, he thought sadly.

Beside him Amira snorted, finally looking at Alistair and Anora. “You’ve got to be joking, there is no way I am doing anything with  _ him _ .” She said the last part with complete and utter disgust.

Cassian shrugged inwardly, and decided to make the whole thing slightly more complicated for the group, because why not. This was as good as it was going to get. “I’m not doing anything unless Amira comes with.” At that Amira’s snapped to look at him almost inhumanly fast. Her face one of barely contained rage.

“ _ What _ ?” Amira gritted out.

“We keep each other in check, like a balancing act. One cannot lead without the other.” It was complete bullshit, and Amira knew it. Anora probably suspected it, and Alistair probably believed it, the fool. 

“We’ll you’ll have to sort this out yourselves. Amaranthine needs strong leadership, and I have no doubt you two will come to a compromise. Now if you’ll excuse me I have other matters to attend to.” Alistair said airily.

Cassian could immediately tell something was up. He’d baited Amira and she was now engaging in the conversation. Why would Alistair want to leave now? Everything about this meeting was off now. 

“Anora, I trust that you will be able handle the Wardens? There is something that needs my attention elsewhere.”   
  
With that he got up to leave, not even waiting for Anora to respond. The door shut leaving the three of them alone in room. Amira had returned her attention to the table, and Anora sat there trying to look sure of herself. Cassian waited but no one made any more to speak. He decided to take the reins on the situation.

“Tell me what Alistair is up to or I’ll kill him and frame you for it.” Anora looked at him with wide eyes afraid. Amira looked at him like he was crazy.

“Are you crazy? He was acting weird. This whole situation is weird. That’s all.” Amira said at him in exasperation. 

“No, he’s… right. Alistair is up to something.” Anora interjected.

Cassian shot Amira an I told you so look and then turned his attention back to Anora. He gestured for her to continue. 

“Alistair blames you for Amira breaking up with him. He’s been hinting at it for months that he would do something in retaliation, but it wasn’t until he told me he wanted to have this meeting That I knew for sure something was up. A few weeks ago I overheard him talking to a Chantry sister. He was telling them about a dangerous Apostate that was coming to the castle.”

Cassian glanced at Amira a sinking feeling in his gut. 

“Alistair tipped off the Chantry about Morrigan?” Amira asked shocked.

“Yes, just before we came in here I saw Alistair with the same Sister, she was telling him a group of Templars would be here shortly. They plan to take her to the Circle, and if necessary, make her a Tranquil.”

The blood drained from both Amira and Cassian faces at that, giving them both an almost greyish look.

“The Circle isn’t close, and Morrigan could wake up at any moment. The whole plan is really foolish.” Amira mushed.

“You’re right, but one of you companions, the one who had been healing her has been slipping her sleeping potions to keep in a deep slumber.”

“Wynne.” Cassian growled darkly. The room was quiet at that. Amira’s mind was reeling from betrayal, and Cassian’s brain was whirling trying to find a solution. He turned to look at Anora. “Leave us. Tell no one of this conversation, and if Alistair asks tell him we have come to an agreement on the leadership of Amaranthine.” Anora looked between the two elves. Clearly not liking being ordered about. “Now.” Cassian said harshly.

Anora rose and left the room quickly. Cassian turned to Amira. “Could you wake Morrigan up from the potion?” Amia nodded wordlessly. “If you wake her up I’ll run Amaranthine without you. You can go off and do whatever you want. You will be undisturbed, deal?”

“Yes, but how do you expect us to get to Morrigan. The guards and Templars will be waiting.”

“I’ll take care of them. I’ll go directly her room, they will be expecting a frontal assault, and everyone will be concentrated there. You take the servant passages. There’s one that leads directly to her room, I’ve marked the way with Xs just incase something like this happened.” At that Cassian rose, he was unarmed, but determined. “Wait a few minutes before I leave. Someone will most likely come to check that you are here. After you awaken Morrigan leave Denerim immediately. I’ll tell Leliana to bring your possessions to you outside of the city.”

Amira nodded and watched Cassian walk towards the door. She doubted he could take on the Templars, but she wouldn’t fight him on this. And if he died, oh well.

Cassian shut the door behind him and walked briskly down the hall. He got to the end of the corridor and a guard turned to meet him. “Hey! You can’t be here- Ooff!” 

Cassian punched him in the stomach, hard. The man went down quickly. He grabbed his shield. It was circular, it would be perfect for what he had in mind.

 

***

Amira made her way down the passage towards Morrigan's room. She could hear shouting and a lot of banging, and some sort of weird noise like something being flung through the air. It took her a few minutes, but she finally reached Morrigan’s room. She entered though a false book case to the left of the main door. As she came further in she saw Morrigan laying on the bed breathing deeply. Amira took a deep breath and began to cast the spell that would wake her up.

 

***

Cassian finally made it to the hallway leading to Morrigan's room. Unconscious palace guards lining the halls behind him. As he approached, he saw two Templars just outside Morrigan's room. Upon hearing his approach they turned to look at him. 

The one on the right spoke. “Stand down elf. The Apostate will come with us. The Maker demands it. You are unarmed and outnumbered.”

Cassian snorted at that. “Only two Templars? She would be insulted.” Without further ceremony h e held up his shield. The Templars drew their swords. The one on the left charged. Cassian immediately changed his grip on his shield and flung it like a frisbee at the charging Templar. It hit him in the stomach and bounced into the stone embedding itself between the rocks. Cassian was already moving. He stepped up onto the shield and launched himself at the other Templar punching him in the face and knocking him out cold. In one swift movement he spun back around and ripped the shield out of that wall. 

He heard a clanking behind him. Turning he saw six more Templars making their way towards him. Cassian grinned. “Now that seems a bit more fair.”

He lunged forward.

***

Inside Morrigan’s room Amira had just finished casting the spell to wake her up. She could hear shouting and banging just outside her room. Morrigan needed to wake up soon. Cassian wouldn’t be able to last much longer. He needed their help.

Suddenly she heard a gasp she turned to see Morrigan waking up. She doubled over in a coughing fit that turned into a cry of pain as she stressed her injury. Amira rushed forward. “Try not to move to much or to fast. Take deep breaths.”

“Do not presume to tell me how to breath.” Morrigan choked out knocking her hand away.

“Ok yeah, you’re gonna be fine.” Amira muttered  “We need to hurry. Cassian is fighting off the Templars, but he needs our help. They’ll kill him otherwise. They are right outside the room.”

Morrigan turned to look at the door where the sounds of battle and shouting persisted. Then she lurched forward unsteadily to her feet. Amira moved to help her, but Morrigan again batted her hands away. “Grab my staff Amira.”    
  
Amira jogged across the room, she grabbed Morrigan’s staff and turned around just in time to see Morrigan tip herself out of the open window by her bed. Amira ran to the window and looked out. As she watched Morrigan changed in mid-air, turning into a raven and flying away. Amira could practically hear Morrigan laughing at their stupidity.

From the other side of the door she immediately heard a clatter and heard Cassian say “I offer my complete and unconditional surrender.”   


A few moments later the Templars burst into the room, but Amira was already gone.

 

***

Cassian rode out of Denerim a few days later. The Templars and the new King had been unable to hold him prisoner. He was a Warden, and as Amira had pointed out during their meeting, he was outside of their jurisdiction. He had surrendered once her heard Morrigan turn into a raven, and call out a few times. Her signal that she was leaving 

The only reason he stayed was to recover a little bit. The Templars had beat him up a little more after he had surrendered to them. Bastards. 

As Cassian rode his horse and followed the road towards Amaranthine, he sensed another Warden, Amira. He turned slightly to find Amira standing off to the side of the road right at the edge of the forrest. She stared at him a moment and then raised both of her hands giving him the double middle finger. With her hands still up she walked backwards and disappeared into the forest.

Cassian smiled to himself and looked ahead. He began the long journey to Amaranthine. In the the distance he heard a raven call it’s last goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> For more information, including art and random nonsense check out our Tumblr- https://inconvenient-crossroads.tumblr.com/


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